150 medieval jokes
- Why did the knight go to the blacksmith? Because he needed a little “metal” support!
- What do you call a knight who is afraid to fight? Sir Render!
- Why did the king go to the dentist? To get his crowns checked!
- What do you call a fat dragon? Scales-weighted!
- How does a medieval monk cut his hair? Friar style!
- Why was the medieval cat knight a terrible fighter? His armor was always full of chinks!
- Why did the castle get in trouble? Because it was always keep-ing secrets!
- Why did the king go to the blacksmith? To make some iron-clad decisions!
- What’s a knight’s favorite fish? Swordfish!
- What did the minstrel call his new song? A “noteworthy” tune!
- Why did the lady refuse the knight’s proposal? He had too many “knight-mares”!
- How does a king like his steak? Royal-done!
- Why was the jester so good at his job? He always had the “court” laughing!
- What did the knight use to write? His knight-pen!
- What did the knight do when he lost his sword? He had a “knight-mare”!
- What do you call a sarcastic knight? Sir Chasm!
- What is a dragon’s favorite snack? Firecrackers!
- Why did the medieval baker go broke? His business was in the dough-doldrums!
- Why don’t knights use Facebook? They prefer their “chain mail”!
- What is a ghost’s favorite medieval weapon? The boo-lance!
- How does a medieval warrior cut his hair? Bar-bar-ically!
- Why did the queen go to the therapist? Because she had a “royal” pain!
- Why did the king go to the bakery? To meet his “bun” subjects!
- How does a knight communicate? With “knight” letters!
- Why did the wizard go to school? To improve his “spell”-ing!
- Why was the page a poor student? He couldn’t turn himself to the next chapter!
- How do you save a drowning rat in medieval times? With a “mouse”-ket!
- Why did the prince go to the bar? To “court” the princess!
- How does a medieval barber cut a knight’s hair? He gives it a “knight”-cut!
- What’s a knight’s favorite drink? Chivalry on the rocks!
- What do you call a dishonest knight? Sir Reptitious!
- Why was the princess a great musician? She always hit the right “court”!
- What is a skeleton’s favorite medieval weapon? A “bone”-arrow!
- What’s a ghost’s favorite part of the castle? The “moat”-tly haunted room!
- Why do knights always carry a map? So they don’t get caught “knight”-riding!
- What’s a dragon’s favorite day of the week? Fry-day!
- Why was the wizard’s book always late? It always flew past its “due” date!
- How does a knight improve his jousting? With a “sticking” to it attitude!
- Why was the dragon at the top of the class? He was “fire”d up to learn!
- What is a prince’s favorite vegetable? A “royal”-cchini!
- What do you call a knight who tells tall tales? Sir Cumference, he always goes around in circles!
- What do you call a medieval stand-up comedian? A jester-laugh!
- Why did the sword get in trouble at school? Because it was too “sharp”!
- How do medieval farmers fix their pants? With cabbage patches!
- What do you call a knight who’s too scared to fight? Sir Prise, because he’s always running!
- Why did the queen make an excellent gardener? She ruled over all the “rose”!
- Why did the knight go to the fish market? To find a new “plaice”!
- How did the king control his army? With “royal” commands!
- What do you call a knight with dirty armor? Sir Faced!
- What’s a knight’s favorite weather? When it’s “knight” and sunny!
- How does a queen keep her clothes wrinkle-free? She uses “royal” starch!
- What do you call a round table full of knights who all want to be king? A circum-“sir”-ence!
- Why was the crossbow the best comedian? It always hit the mark!
- What’s a dragon’s favorite car? A “fire”-rari!
- Why did the king go to the tailor? To fix the “royal” wardrobe!
- Why don’t medieval bakers tell secrets? Because bread rises!
- Why did the king always carry a compass? So he wouldn’t “lose” his crown!
- What is a knight’s favorite drink? Sir Loin’s brew!
- Why was the prince bad at baseball? He always ran home!
- What do you call a knight who never showers? Sir Smelly!
- How do knights communicate over long distances? Using “knight” letters!
- What do you call a knight who is great at fencing? Sir Pass!
- Why did the wizard never lose at poker? He always had a “trick” up his sleeve!
- Why did the blacksmith make terrible soup? He kept “forging” the ingredients!
- What do you call a well-dressed lion? A dandy-lion!
- Why was the queen always calm? Because she was a “ruler” of her emotions!
- What did the princess use to make her skin glow? Fairy dust!
- Why was the medieval book always in trouble? It always had a “binding” problem!
- What do you call a knight who is also a detective? Sir Lock!
- Why was the castle so loud? It had “tower”ing speakers!
- Why don’t kings use doorbells? They prefer to “knock”-turnally!
- Why did the princess go to the psychic? She wanted a “crystal” clear future!
- How does a knight say goodbye? “Knight” for now!
- What’s a dragon’s favorite game? Truth or “scorch”!
- Why don’t knights play cricket? The armor isn’t for “bats”!
- What do you call a lost wolf? A “where” wolf!
- Why did the jester get a time out? He cracked too many “court” jokes!
- What’s a knight’s least favorite restaurant? The Squire’s Bistro – they make you “serve” yourself!
- Why did the king have a round table? So nobody could corner him!
- How does a queen organize her books? She has a “royal” system!
- What do you call a dragon that doesn’t breathe fire? A cold dragon!
- How doknights improve their aim? With “target” practice!
- What do you call a knight who’s also a musician? Sir-enade!
- Why did the blacksmith always win at chess? He had the perfect “strategy”!
- What did the knight say when he was defeated? “I’m beaten, sir-ly!”
- Why was the prince’s handwriting so bad? He never took “ruler” to paper!
- What do you call a queen who sings lullabies? A rocker queen!
- What’s a dragon’s favorite type of play? Anything with a “blaze” of glory!
- Why was the tower so conceited? It was always looking down on people!
- What do you call a knight with a cat? Sir Purr-alot!
- Why did the jester get kicked out of school? He kept “jesting” during class!
- What did the knight say to his horse when he fell off? “It’s not you, it’s me-dieval!”
- Why did the castle never win at hide and seek? It always got “spotted”!
- What’s a knight’s favorite song? “Knight Fever”!
- Why did the king visit the baker? To get a taste of “knead”-ful things!
- Why did the dragon refuse to fight the knight? It didn’t want to “drag-on” the fight!
- Why was the princess always cold? She left all her “windows” open!
- How did the knight feel when he lost his sword? He was “beside his shield”!
- What do you call a knight with a rubber sword? Sir Render!
- Why was the blacksmith never lonely? He always had “iron” for company!
- What’s a jester’s favorite exercise? Joke-lates!
- What do you call a knight who is always daydreaming? Sir Real!
- How do kings talk to their armies? With “royal” calls!
- What’s a knight’s favorite bird? The “knight”-ingale!
- Why don’t dragons play well with others? They have a fiery temper!
- What did the king say to his son when he didn’t want to be king? “You can’t abdicate and eat it too!”
- Why was the castle always getting lost? It took a wrong “turn”!
- What do you call a queen who loves gardening? Plantagenet!
- Why did the dragon flunk the exam? Because he thought his answers were too “hot”!
- How does a knight measure his horse’s height? In “hands”!
- What’s a king’s favorite place to go? His “reign”bow room!
- Why was the tower a terrible gossip? It had too many “ears”!
- Why did the king bring a pencil to bed? He wanted to “draw” a dream!
- Why did the knight start a bakery? He wanted to “knead” some dough!
- What’s a dragon’s favorite school subject? “Fire”-mathics!
- Why was the prince always first? Because he was always “next in line”!
- Why did the jester become a gardener? He liked “planting” jokes!
- How did the princess feel when she lost her crown? Absolutely “crowned”!
- What do you call a knight with a sense of humor? Sir Laughs-a-lot!
- Why did the queen love gardening? She had a green “thumb”rule!
- What do you call a nervous king? A “wreck”-gnet!
- What’s a knight’s favorite day of the week? “Knight”-day!
- Why did the castle feel sick? It was “stone”-cold!
- What’s a queen’s favorite drink? “Tea”-ara!
- Why did the dragon never feel sad? Because life was always “blazing”!
- How does a knight show he’s sorry? He “apolog-knight-zes”!
- Why did the king go to the bathroom? To sit on his “throne”!
- Why did the knight bring an extra sword to the fight? For the “double”-cross!
- What do you call a sleeping knight? Sir Snooze-a-lot!
- What do you call a dragon that loves to read? A “lit”-erary dragon!
- Why did the castle get a time out? It wouldn’t stop “turreting” around!
- How does a king like his eggs? “Throne” together!
- What do you call a knight with no arms or legs? Sir Cumference – he’s just round!
- Why did the princess bring a ladder to the ball? To get to the “high”lights!
- What do you call a knight who’s great at cooking? Sir Mix-a-lot!
- Why did the jester become a reporter? He loved “jesting” about the news!
- Why did the king never play cards? Because he was worried about the “royal” flush!
- What’s a knight’s favorite drink? Sir Loin’s mead!
- Why was the dragon a great cook? He was a natural at “grilling”!
- What do you call a dragon that doesn’t hoard gold? A “poor”-ched dragon!
- Why was the knight always tired? He worked the “knight” shift!
- What’s a princess’s favorite vegetable? “Peas”-antry!
- Why was the king always well-dressed? Because he had a “ruler”!
- What do you call a knight that’s afraid of the dark? Sir Shivers!
- How did the princess feel when she got lost? Like a “maze”-d!
- Why did the castle always stay up late? It was a “night” owl!
- What do you call a king who loves music? The “beat” king!
- Why did the dragon always finish his dinner? He didn’t want to “waste” fire!
- What’s a knight’s favorite pie? “Knight”berry pie!
- Why did the princess stop in the middle of the road? Because she didn’t want to be a “j-walking” scandal!