manager jokes
Why don’t managers play hide and seek?
Because good luck hiding when the phone keeps ringing.
Why did the manager bring a ladder to work?
Because he wanted to get to the top, one step at a time!
What’s a manager’s favorite type of music?
Organized sound.
Why don’t managers ever play chess?
Because they’re too used to working with a bunch of pawns.
Why was the football team manager kicked out of the bakery?
Because he kept trying to put the dough into formation.
Why did the manager go to jail?
Because he was caught pushing his deadlines.
Why don’t managers need a compass?
Because they always know where they’re heading.
What do managers and Slinky’s have in common?
They aren’t much use but it’s fun to watch them fall down the stairs.
Why did the manager bring a broom to the meeting?
To sweep up the competition.
Why did the manager go to school?
Because he thought he could major in multitasking.
What do managers and clouds have in common?
When they disappear, it’s a beautiful day!
Why did the manager go to the doctor?
He had a severe case of budget cuts.
How does a manager propose? “Will you meet me at the altar – right after this meeting?”
Why don’t managers sleep?
Because they don’t want to lose control of their dreams.
Why do managers make poor comedians?
Because their punchlines always need approval.
Why did the manager go to the therapist?
Because he couldn’t manage his feelings.
Why did the manager sit on the clock?
Because he wanted to be on ‘time management’.
How do managers apologize? “Sorry, but it was in the budget.”
Why did the manager bring a boat to the meeting?
Just in case the discussion sank.
What’s a manager’s favorite vegetable?
Head lettuce, because it’s always in charge!
Why do managers never play poker?
Because there’s too much bluffing, they’d rather stick to facts and figures.
How do managers relax?
They don’t.
Why don’t managers have any friends?
Because they keep ‘managing’ them away.
Why did the manager break up with his girlfriend?
She couldn’t meet his ‘targets’.
Why did the manager go to the beach?
Because he heard about the ‘sandy’ business environment.
What’s a manager’s favorite place?
The executive suite – it’s the only place they don’t have to manage!
Why are managers like magicians?
Because they always have a few tricks up their sleeves.
What do managers and ninjas have in common?
They’re both good at ‘overseeing’ things.
What’s a manager’s favorite drink?
A ‘Manage-Mint’ Mojito!
Why do managers always carry a notepad?
Because you never know when you’ll run into a bullet-point.
Why did the manager go to the museum?
To gain some ‘strategic’ insights.
Why was the manager good at gardening?
Because he knew how to cultivate resources.
What do you call a manager with no employees?
What’s a manager’s favorite part of a baseball game?
The ‘change management’ when the pitchers switch.
Why did the manager visit the zoo?
To check out the pecking order.
How does a manager break up with a significant other? “It’s not you, it’s the ROI.”
Why did the manager get locked out of their computer?
They tried to ‘manage’ the password.
What do you call a manager at a fruit stand?
A peel executive!
What did the manager do when he got lost in the forest?
He tried to restructure it.
Why are managers terrible at parties?
They always try to ‘supervise’ the fun.
Why did the manager go to the gym?
To exercise some authority.
Why was the manager good at boxing?
He knew how to handle uppercuts.
What do managers do when they are tired?
They hold a staff meeting to distribute the yawns.
Why did the manager buy a boat?
Because he wanted to streamline his operations.
Why did the manager go to the opera?
He wanted to improve his high notes.
What’s a manager’s favorite day? ‘Managesday’!
Why was the manager frustrated at the airport?
He couldn’t manage to skip the line.
What’s a manager’s favorite board game?
Risk, of course.
What did the manager say to the coffee maker? “You’re just my type: hot, strong, and always ready to work!”
Why did the manager join the circus?
To juggle responsibilities.
How does a manager flirt? “Is your name Google?
Because you’ve got everything I’ve been searching for.”
Why did the manager buy a telescope?
To better see his long-term goals.
Why did the manager keep a diary?
For record ‘management’.
How does a manager celebrate a birthday?
With a team meeting and an agenda.
What’s a manager’s favorite constellation?
Orion – it’s always ‘belt’-tightening.
Why are managers like DJs?
They’re always trying to ‘mix’ things up.
Why did the manager go to the bakery?
Because he wanted to ‘rise’ to the occasion.
Why was the manager good at basketball?
He knew how to take a shot.
What does a manager put in his coffee?
Performance ‘enhancers’!
What do managers and actors have in common?
They both need a good ‘director’.
What do you call a manager with no internet?
Disconnected from reality.
Why did the manager climb the mountain?
Because it was on his to-do list.
What’s a manager’s favorite insect?
The worker bee.
Why did the manager take up fishing?
Because he was good at catching loopholes.
Why did the manager join a dating app?
He heard there were plenty of ‘prospects’.
Why did the manager go to the farm?
He wanted to see productivity in ‘action’.
How do managers end a relationship? “I think we need to restructure our agreement.”
Why did the manager take a picture?
Because he wanted to capture efficiency.
What’s a manager’s favorite type of bird?
The lead-er bird!
Why did the manager visit the city?
To conduct an urban ‘analysis’.
Why did the manager start knitting?
He wanted to manage some ‘threads’.
How do managers solve problems?
They hold a meeting to decide when the next meeting will be.
Why did the manager study philosophy?
He wanted to understand ‘workflow’ and ‘existence’.
What’s a manager’s favorite movie? ‘The Taskmaster’.
How do managers enjoy their weekends?
By planning for Monday.
Why do managers never get lost?
They always follow the chain of command.
Why did the manager fail as a soccer coach?
He kept switching the goalposts.
Why was the manager good at cricket?
He was good at taking catches (up).
Why did the manager join a band?
To take ‘note’ of harmonies.
How does a manager ask for a date? “I think there’s some synergy between us.”
What’s a manager’s favorite workout?
Brainstorming – it flexes the brain muscles!
Why did the manager visit the jungle?
He wanted to find some ‘wild’ ideas.
What’s a manager’s favorite type of humor?
Dry, like his inbox.
What did the manager say at the beach? “This sand is so unorganized!”
Why do managers love Mondays?
Because it’s a fresh start to micromanage.
What’s a manager’s favorite drink at the bar?
A ‘leadership’ on the rocks!
Why did the manager wear glasses?
To have a better ‘vision’.
Why did the manager go to the orchestra?
To see everyone ‘in tune’.
How do managers read a book?
By turning the pages of strategy.
What’s a manager’s favorite type of coffee?
Express(o) – because time is money.
Why did the manager go to the stand-up show?
He needed to work on his punchlines.
What’s a manager’s favorite type of shoe?
Leader-soles.
Why did the manager learn to cook?
He wanted to stir things up.
What’s a manager’s favorite dance move?
The ‘pivot’ turn.
Why did the manager bring a calculator to the meeting?
To add up all the profits.
How does a manager maintain a balanced diet?
By eating stress for breakfast, problems for lunch, and solutions for dinner.
Why did the manager bring a map to the meeting?
To chart a course to success.
How do managers enjoy a movie?
By analyzing the plot holes.
What’s a manager’s favorite sport?
Track and field – because they love keeping track.
Why did the manager write a poem?
Because he wanted to express himself in bullet points.
How do managers do laundry?
By sorting tasks by priority: whites, colors, darks.
Why do managers make terrible chefs?
Because they’re always trying to cut the staff.
What did the manager bring to the potluck?
A pie chart.
Why did the manager join the art class?
Because he wanted to ‘draw’ conclusions.
What’s a manager’s favorite dessert? ‘Strategy’ pie.
Why did the manager go to the magic show?
He wanted to learn some new tricks to increase productivity.
How do managers deal with stress?
By rescheduling it for later.
Why did the manager go to the party?
He heard it was a ‘networking’ event.
What’s a manager’s favorite dish? ‘Responsibility’ stew.
Why did the manager go to the music festival?
He wanted to improve his ‘pitch’.
Why do managers make bad comedians?
They keep trying to ‘manage’ the laughter.
What’s a manager’s favorite candy? ‘Project’ peppermints.
Why did the manager visit the construction site?
He wanted to ‘build’ better strategies.
Why did the manager go to the library?
To ‘check out’ some new ideas.
How do managers take their tea?
With a ‘spoonful’ of planning.
Why did the manager join a rock band?
Because he heard it was a ‘gig’ economy.
How do managers travel?
By following their ‘roadmap’.
What’s a manager’s favorite holiday? ‘Efficiency’ day!
Why did the manager become a comedian?
Because he wanted to ‘manage’ the stage.
What’s a manager’s favorite type of dog?
A ‘barketing’ specialist.
Why did the manager go to the concert?
He wanted to learn how to ‘conduct’ himself.
How do managers go camping?
With a detailed itinerary.
Why did the manager bring an umbrella to work?
He wanted to ‘cover’ all scenarios.
What did the manager say at the race track? “I’m betting on the ‘fast-track’ promotion.”
What’s a manager’s favorite superhero?
Captain ‘Efficiency’!
Why did the manager go to the park?
To figure out the ‘bench’marks.
Why did the manager join the cooking class?
He wanted to ‘mix’ things up.
How do managers celebrate their birthdays?
With a surprise meeting.
Why did the manager start a band?
Because he wanted to ‘manage’ the beat.
What’s a manager’s favorite type of tree? ‘Organization’ tree.
Why did the manager go to the comedy club?
He wanted to work on his ‘timing’.
What’s a manager’s favorite type of fish?
A ‘lead’ fish.
Why did the manager go to the poetry reading?
To work on his ‘rhyme management’.
How do managers make a salad?
With a ‘strategy’ dressing.
Why did the manager go to the casino?
He wanted to ‘raise the stakes’.
What’s a manager’s favorite time of the day? ‘Planning’ o’clock.
Why did the manager start a choir?
Because he wanted to ‘orchestrate’ the harmony.
What’s a manager’s favorite type of weather? ‘Forecasting’ winds.
Why did the manager join the math club?
He wanted to add value.
How do managers celebrate Christmas?
With a strategic plan for gift giving.
What’s a manager’s favorite flower? ‘Efficiency’ roses.
Why did the manager go to the ice cream shop?
He wanted to scoop up some fresh ideas.
What’s a manager’s favorite type of car?
A ‘lead’ sedan.
Why did the manager join the yoga class?
He wanted to balance his responsibilities.
What’s a manager’s favorite type of pasta? ‘Spaghetti’ charts.
Why did the manager go to the nightclub?
He wanted to manage the ‘beat’.
How do managers enjoy their vacation?
By checking emails at the beach.
What’s a manager’s favorite animal?
A ‘beaver’, always busy building.
Why did the manager become a film director?
He wanted to call ‘action’.
What’s a manager’s favorite type of sandwich?
A ‘delegate’ cheese sandwich.