142 immunology jokes

Sure, I’ll do my best to generate unique immunology-themed jokes for you!

Keep in mind that some of these might be pretty “cell”-y!

1. Why did the T-cell break up with the B-cell?
   • Because it was too clingy!
2. Why did the antibody go to the party?
   • Because it heard it was going to be binding!
3. How do T-cells handle conflict?
   • They always end up in cell-mediated arguments.
4. Why did the scientist become an immunologist?
   • Because he wanted to B-cell-ibrate the immune system!
5. Why did the neutrophil get in trouble at school?
   • It was always picking fights.
6. How does an antibody greet its friends at a party?
   • “Nice to meet you, antigen.”
7. Why are B-cells so popular?
   • Because they always remember you.
8. Why don’t cytotoxic T cells ever get lonely?
   • Because they always kill it at social events.
9. What do you call a lymphocyte that became a comedian?
   • A “cell-larious” immune response.
10. Why was the histamine so popular?
    • It always brought out a rash of excitement.
11. Why don’t macrophages use dating apps?
    • They prefer to just engulf anyone they meet.
12. How does the flu virus leave the host cell?
    • It says “I’ve got to split!”
13. What’s a cytokine’s favorite game?
    • Tag, you’re hit!
14. What did one leukocyte say to another at the party?
    • “You’re such a blast!”
15. What do viruses and jokes have in common?
    • They can both go viral.
16. Why did the antibody cross the road?
    • To neutralize the antigen on the other side!
17. Why did the dendritic cell fail the math test?
    • It couldn’t figure out the “root” of the problem.
18. Why was the immune system bad at poker?
    • It always showed its hand too early.
19. Why did the bacteria go to the party?
    • Because it was infectious!
20. Why are allergens so rude?
    • They always get under your skin.
21. Why are antigens good at networking?
    • They always know how to present themselves.
22. How do T-cells fight disease?
    • They get into cell-ular combat.
23. What’s a pathogen’s favorite song?
    • “Hit Me With Your Best Shot!”
24. What’s an immunologist’s favorite band?
    • “The White Blood Cells.”
25. How does a macrophage break up with its partner?
    • “I think we need to phagocytose other people.”
26. What’s a neutrophil’s favorite dance?
    • The “chemo”-taxis.
27. Why don’t immune cells make good secret agents?
    • They’re always under attack.
28. Why did the cell go to therapy?
    • It had separation anaphylaxis.
29. Why was the T-cell always lost?
    • It kept taking the wrong activation pathway.
30. What does a lymphocyte use to fix anything?
    • Duct “Tape.”
31. Why was the B cell a good detective?
    • It could always remember the scene of the crime.
32. How do natural killer cells flirt?
    • “Is it just me, or are we having a killer attraction?”
33. Why are viruses so bad at keeping secrets?
    • They always end up spilling their DNA.
34. Why did the T-cell go to school?
    • To get a little class (II MHC).
35. What did the leukocyte say to the pathogen?
    • “You’re not my type!”
36. What’s the favorite sport of immune cells?
    • “Tag”-team wrestling.
37. Why did the neutrophil apply for a job?
    • It had experience in fast recruitment.
38. Why do vaccines make bad comedians?
    • They always need a booster.
39. What did the lymph node say to the germ?
    • “Get out of my space!”
40. Why was the macrophage the best at hide and seek?
    • It could always find and engulf the hiders.
41. What’s the T-cell’s favorite subject in school?
    • History, because it’s all about memory.
42. Why don’t pathogens make good friends?
    • They’re always invading your personal space.
43. Why was the antibody a great detective?
    • It was very specific about its targets.
44. Why do leukocytes make good athletes?
    • They’re always in training.
45. Why did the T-cell get kicked out of the bar?
    • It couldn’t handle its activation signals.
46. Why don’t viruses make good roommates?
    • They always take up all your space and multiply!
47. What’s a lymphocyte’s favorite cartoon?
    • SpongeBob B-Cell Pants.
48. Why did the influenza virus fail at comedy?
    • Its jokes were too infectious.
49. What’s an antigen’s favorite type of music?
    • Heavy “metal”-loproteins.
50. Why don’t pathogens make good students?
    • They’re always causing class disruptions.
51. How does an allergy say goodbye?
    • “Catch you on the reaction!”
52. Why do dendritic cells make good storytellers?
    • They’re always presenting something interesting.
53. How does a virus flirt?
    • “Is it just me or do you feel something infectious between us?”
54. Why did the B-cell become a historian?
    • It had a good memory.
55. What do you call a germ that rings doorbells and runs away?
    • A patho-“ding”-en.
56. Why did the immune cell get arrested?
    • It was charged with assault and “bacteria.”
57. Why do neutrophils make good secretaries?
    • They’re first to arrive at the scene.
58. Why was the virus a bad musician?
    • It couldn’t hold a tune, but it could hold a host.
59. Why was the antibody voted prom king?
    • It had a binding personality.
60. Why was the T cell a good police officer?
    • It was good at cell-ular patrol.
61. Why don’t antibodies make good friends?
    • They always bind to you and never let go.
62. What did the immune cell say at the concert?
    • “You’re B-Cell-iant!”
63. How does a virus get around town?
    • By taking the “host”-bus.
64. What’s a leukocyte’s favorite movie?
    • “White Blood Cell Count Dracula.”
65. What do you call an allergy to exercise?
    • A running nose.
66. Why did the T cell break its phone?
    • It was trying to turn off the cellular data.
67. Why did the immune system become a lawyer?
    • It was good at defending.
68. What’s a pathogen’s favorite drink?
    • Viru-soda.
69. What’s a phagocyte’s favorite dish?
    • Bacteria al dente.
70. How do immune cells party?
    • They have a blast!
71. What’s an antigen’s favorite toy?
    • A “present”-ation doll.
72. Why did the T cell stop playing cards?
    • It had a bad “hand.”
73. Why did the pathogen go to jail?
    • It caused a viral outbreak.
74. Why did the virus go to the doctor?
    • It was feeling a bit “host”-ile.
75. How does the immune system relax?
    • By chilling in the lymph nodes.
76. What did the immune cell say to the germ?
    • “You’re not my type!”
77. Why was the antibody a good wrestler?
    • It was good at tagging its opponents.
78. What’s a T cell’s favorite holiday?
    • Thanksgiving, because of all the “feasts” and “presents.”
79. Why don’t pathogens make good dancers?
    • They always step on your toes.
80. Why do antibodies make good editors?
    • They always know what to cut out.
81. Why did the leukocyte go to the art gallery?
    • It heard there were stunning cell portraits.
82. How does an antibody get ready for a date?
    • It gets “dressed” in a variable region.
83. Why was the phagocyte a good janitor?
    • It was always cleaning up the mess.
84. Why don’t neutrophils use GPS?
    • They prefer following chemical trails.
85. What did the cytokine say at the pep rally?
    • “Let’s get this response started!”
86. Why did the virus break up with the cell?
    • It wasn’t fulfilling its host duties.
87. Why did the T-cell get kicked out of school?
    • It kept picking fights with antigens.
88. What do you call a group of leukocytes that started a band?
    • The “White Cell” Stripes.
89. What do immune cells wear to the beach?
    • Sun-“block.”
90. Why did the macrophage eat the bacteria?
    • It looked like a “tasty” snack.
91. What’s a lymphocyte’s favorite type of candy?
    • Sour Patho-gummies.
92. Why did the pathogen become a comedian?
    • It always killed on stage.
93. What’s a dendritic cell’s favorite hobby?
    • Presenting crafts.
94. How do immune cells relax after a hard day?
    • They kick back in the lymph node lounge.
95. Why do pathogens love holidays?
    • Because it’s the season for giving…and receiving.
96. What’s an antigen’s favorite activity?
    • Playing “tag.”
97. Why was the B-cell a good actor?
    • It was great at memorizing lines.
98. Why was the T-cell always stressed?
    • It had too many responses to manage.
99. Why was the virus always cold?
    • It was lacking a coat.
100. Why did the macrophage become a chef? – It loved to engulf its food.
101. Why was the vaccine a good motivational speaker? – It could always give a good “shot” of confidence.
102. Why did the pathogen become a rapper? – It loved being “in-fection.”
103. Why did the immune system join the military? – It loved the drill of defense.
104. Why was the virus a bad magician? – Its tricks were always transparent.
105. What’s a cytokine’s favorite hobby? – Cell communication.
106. Why was the B cell a good teacher? – It had a lot of class and memory.
107. Why don’t pathogens make good chefs? – They always spoil the food.
108. Why was the virus a good explorer? – It loved to travel from host to host.
109. Why was the immune cell always happy? – It was always in good “cell”-spirits.
110. Why did the leukocyte fail at hide and seek? – It was always too white to hide.
111. What’s a T cell’s favorite subject? – Art, because it loves to draw blood.
112. Why did the virus get a bad report card? – It kept infecting its grades.
113. Why was the immune cell a good party planner? – It was always ready to organize a response.
114. What did the immune cell say to the allergen? – “I’m histaminic to your charm.”
115. Why did the pathogen lose the game? – It couldn’t beat the host.
116. What do you call a cell that likes to party? – A “blast”ocyte.
117. Why did the macrophage become a construction worker? – It loved engulfing debris.
118. What’s a leukocyte’s favorite animal? – A white blood “cell”-ephant.
119. Why did the immune cell go to therapy? – It had an identity crisis, it didn’t know if it was self or non-self.
120. Why did the neutrophil become a sprinter? – It was always the first on the scene.
121. Why don’t leukocytes make good gardeners? – They always attack the buds.
122. Why did the dendritic cell become a news reporter? – It loved presenting news.
123. Why was the pathogen a good runner? – It was always causing a “race.”
124. Why was the neutrophil a good firefighter? – It was always first at the scene of the fire.
125. Why was the immune cell a bad soccer player? – It couldn’t stop attacking the “goal”-gens.
126. Why did the virus become a skydiver? – It loved going airborne.
127. Why don’t T-cells make good thieves? – They always leave a trail.
128. What’s a macrophage’s favorite song? – “Eat It” by Weird Al Yankovic.
129. Why did the lymphocyte become a librarian? – It loved organizing cells.
130. Why did the pathogen become a dancer? – It loved to twirl and infect.
131. What’s a leukocyte’s favorite food? – White “blood cell”-ery sticks.
132. Why don’t T cells make good actors? – They’re always overreacting.
133. Why did the immune cell fail its driving test? – It couldn’t stick to its own lane.
134. What’s a cytokine’s favorite meal? – A “cell”-ad with extra dressing.
135. Why was the antigen a bad artist? – It couldn’t draw without being tagged.
136. Why did the leukocyte get a timeout? – It wouldn’t stop fighting.
137. Why was the vaccine a good party guest? – It always gave a booster to the party.
138. Why was the B cell a good mathematician? – It had good memory of numbers.
139. Why did the T cell become a lifeguard? – It loved responding to distress signals.
140. Why did the antigen flunk art class? – It couldn’t present its work well.
141. Why was the dendritic cell a good tour guide? – It was always presenting information.
142. Why don’t neutrophils make good comedians? – They always rush to the punchline.