150 house jokes
- Why don’t houses go to school? Because they already have a lot of windows!
- What did the house say to the storm? If you’ve got any problems, I’ve got 99 rooms but a beach ain’t one!
- Why did the house go to the doctor? It had a window pane!
- Why did the scarecrow become a real estate agent? He was outstanding in his field!
- What’s a ghost’s favorite room in the house? The living room!
- How do houses hear? Through the doorbells, they’re all ears!
- Why don’t houses pass exams? Because they always get floored!
- What did the rug say to the floor? Don’t worry, I’ve got you covered!
- Why did the house refuse to play hide and seek? It always gets stuck in one place!
- What do you call a house that likes to move around? A mobile home!
- Why did the house join the circus? It wanted to be a juggle-low!
- What do you call a nervous house? A shingle’s wreck!
- What does a house wear to a party? Address!
- Why don’t houses go to parties? Because they’re homebodies!
- How does a house stay in shape? It always has its beams in check!
- What do you call a very small house? A huts so!
- What kind of house weighs the least? A lighthouse!
- Why don’t houses make good secret keepers? Because the walls have ears!
- What’s a house’s favorite type of music? Heavy metal, because it loves banging on the roof!
- Why did the house go to therapy? It had basement issues!
- What do houses eat for breakfast? Home fries!
- What do you call a house without a bathroom? A Pee-lodge!
- What does a house do when it’s hot? It takes off its roof!
- How do you scare a house? Creep up on it and jump through the window!
- What did the front door say to the back door? “You’re unhinged!”
- Why don’t houses make good comedians? Their jokes are all property!
- What do you call a house that’s always putting things off? A pro-crafts-tination!
- What’s a house’s favorite type of exercise? Roof-lifting!
- Why don’t houses like to sit next to campfires? They can’t stand the heat!
- What do you call a house that tells bad jokes? A pun-galo!
- Why did the house go on a diet? It had too much junk in the attic!
- How does a house get around town? It uses the door-way!
- Why did the house go to the bar? To get plastered!
- What does a house do when it’s feeling down? It throws a house party!
- What’s a house’s favorite type of candy? Roof-tops!
- Why don’t houses like playing chess? Because they always get checked!
- What’s a house’s favorite type of pasta? Maca-roof-ni!
- Why was the house feeling blue? It had the window blues!
- What’s a house’s favorite animal? A brick-weiler!
- What do you call a very old house? A hist-hut-ory!
- Why don’t houses like running marathons? They always come last!
- What do you call a house without a kitchen? A con-dough-minimum!
- Why was the house always in trouble? It had too many infractions!
- What’s a house’s favorite type of vegetable? A roof-radish!
- What do you call a house that can play the piano? A key-bode!
- How do houses communicate? Through their mail-box!
- What’s a house’s favorite type of tree? A fir-niture!
- What do you call a house that loves to clean? A sweep-home!
- Why did the house join a band? Because it had the keys!
- What’s a house’s favorite dance move? The chalet-slide!
- What do you call a house with a lot of drama? A soap-opera house!
- Why was the house feeling cold? It lost its windows!
- Why don’t houses like going to the beach? They get sand in their shingles!
- What do you call a house with no ceiling? A top-less!
- Why did the house get in trouble at school? It kept zoning out!
- How does a house greet its friends? “Homey, how you doing!”
- What’s a house’s favorite type of music band? The Doors!
- What do you call a house that always takes the easy way out? A scape-goat-house!
- Why don’t houses get along with earthquakes? They shake things up too much!
- What do you call a house with no furniture? A bear-den!
- How do houses like their tea? Homestead!
- What did the house say to the skyscraper? “Stop looking down on me!”
- What’s a house’s favorite fruit? A door-ange!
- Why did the house get a timeout? It wouldn’t stop throwing stones!
- Why do houses hate rainy days? It gets under their skin!
- Why don’t houses like to play tag? They hate being it!
- What do you call a house that loves to swim? A dive-bode!
- Why don’t houses like math? It’s too much problem-solving!
- How does a house apologize? “I’m so story (storey)!”
- What did the house say when it fell down? “I’m floored!”
- Why was the house afraid of the other houses? It had abandonment issues!
- Why don’t houses like playing soccer? They don’t like the kicks!
- What do you call a house that loves the ocean? A sea-side!
- What’s a house’s favorite type of humor? Property humor!
- Why do houses hate going to the dentist? They can’t stand the drilling!
- Why did the house go to the gym? To work on its structure!
- How does a house say goodbye? “Bungalow!”
- Why did the house always lose at poker? It had a tell!
- Why do houses like to gossip? Because they can’t keep a secret, their walls always spill the beans!
- What do you call a house that can’t stand up straight? A lean-to!
- Why don’t houses like going to the zoo? They don’t want to become a zooloft!
- What do you call a house that loves to shop? A buy-bode!
- Why was the house on a diet? It was feeling a little bloated!
- How does a house flirt? “Is your foundation as strong as mine?”
- What do you call a house with a cold? A snot so!
- What’s a house’s favorite movie? “Gone with the Window!”
- Why do houses hate getting haircuts? They can’t standthe trimmings!
- What’s a house’s favorite clothing brand? Timber-land!
- Why did the house go to the casino? To hit the jackpot and become a mansion!
- What do you call a house that loves to dance? A chalet-cha!
- What’s a house’s favorite type of coffee? Espresso-yourself home blend!
- Why don’t houses get married? They can’t handle the commitment of a mortgage!
- What did the house wear to the Halloween party? A ghoulish facade!
- What’s a house’s favorite exercise? Planks!
- Why do houses make terrible secret agents? They can never blend in!
- What’s a house’s favorite day of the week? Sun-roof-day!
- What do you call a house with lots of ideas? A think tank!
- What’s a house’s favorite dessert? A concrete cake!
- Why did the house join the army? To be a part of the infantry!
- What do you call a house that loves to travel? A nomad-ic home!
- Why don’t houses like to play baseball? They’re afraid of the home runs!
- What do you call a house that loves to cook? A chef-let!
- Why do houses make terrible musicians? They’re always off-key!
- What’s a house’s favorite type of bird? A chimney swift!
- Why was the house always in detention? It had a bad attic-tude!
- What do you call a house that’s always late? A tardy-house!
- Why do houses hate winter? They can’t stand the draft!
- What’s a house’s favorite type of fish? A roofer-eel!
- Why did the house go to the spa? It needed a re-treat!
- What do you call a house with no walls? A free space!
- Why was the house feeling proud? It just got a fresh coat of paint!
- What’s a house’s favorite type of flower? Wall-flower!
- What do you call a house with a good sense of humor? A crack-up!
- Why was the house always alone? It was a recluse!
- What do you call a house that’s always winning? A tri-house-phant!
- Why was the house feeling sad? It felt empty inside!
- What’s a house’s favorite type of music? Brick and Roll!
- Why did the house cross the road? To get to the other siding!
- What do you call a house that loves science? A lab-yrinth!
- What’s a house’s favorite type of car? A station wagon!
- Why was the house always in the gym? It was working on its columns!
- What do you call a house that loves to play games? A playhouse!
- Why don’t houses like to play hide and seek? Because they always stick out!
- What’s a house’s favorite type of bug? A silverfish!
- Why did the house go to the party? To raise the roof!
- What do you call a house with a bad temper? A hot property!
- Why don’t houses make good thieves? They always leave a footprint!
- What’s a house’s favorite type of shoe? Loafers, they don’t like to move!
- What do you call a house that can sing? A tune-tower!
- Why was the house feeling proud? It just got a new doorbell!
- What’s a house’s favorite type of book? A home-novel!
- Why did the house go to the psychiatrist? It had a split personality!
- What do you call a house that loves art? A museum!
- What’s a house’s favorite type of bread? Whole grain, for strong foundation!
- Why was the house feeling blue? It just got a new paint job!
- What do you call a house that loves to read? A library!
- Why was the house always smiling? It had a sunny disposition!
- What’s a house’s favorite type of pizza? Deep dish, for the deep foundation!
- Why did the house go to the tailor? It needed new curtains!
- What do you call a house that loves to workout? A gym-nasium!
- What’s a house’s favorite type of joke? A knock-knock joke!
- Why was the house always laughing? It was full of jokes!
- What do you call a house that loves math? A calculator!
- What’s a house’s favorite type of weather? A calm day, no wind to rattle its windows!
- Why did the house join the orchestra? It loved the sound of the timber!
- What do you call a house that’s always learning? A schoolhouse!
- Why don’t houses play chess? They hate being checked!
- What’s a house’s favorite type of dance? The twist, for its winding staircases!
- Why was the house always relaxed? It was well insulated!
- What do you call a house that’s a good listener? An ear-house!