101 Drunkard Jokes

Drunkard jokes have long been a source of amusement, offering lighthearted tales that playfully poke fun at the antics of those who have had a few too many drinks.

These jokes often revolve around the comical situations and behaviors exhibited by inebriated individuals, using clever wordplay and humorous scenarios to bring laughter to the audience.

From bringing unexpected objects to the bar to engaging in unconventional activities, the drunkard’s misadventures provide ample material for these jokes.

Let’s dive into a collection of entertaining anecdotes that showcase the lighter side of indulging in a few drinks.

Top 101 Drunkard Jokes:

1. Why did the drunkard bring a ladder to the bar? He heard the drinks were on the house.
2. What’s a drunkard’s favorite book? “Tequila Mockingbird.”
3. Why did the drunkard put his money in the freezer? Because he wanted cold hard cash!
4. What do you call a drunkard at a barbecue? A grill sergeant.
5. How does a drunkard’s alphabet go? A B C D E F G… H I J K L M N O… bottle!
6. What’s the difference between a drunkard and a stoner? The drunkard will run a stop sign, the stoner will wait for it to turn green.
7. Why did the drunkard bring a pencil to the bar? Because he wanted to draw a beer.
8. Why do drunkards always know the time? Because it’s always beer o’clock somewhere!
9. What’s a drunkard’s favorite plant? Bud-weiser!
10. What’s a drunkard’s favorite exercise? The barbell curl.
11. Why did the drunkard go to school? Because he heard there was a lot of chemistry involved in brewing.
12. What do drunkards and printers have in common? They both love liquid toner.
13. What’s a drunkard’s favorite fruit? Pina-colada.
14. Why did the drunkard go to the paint store? He heard he could get a little “liquored up.”
15. Why did the drunkard stare at the can of orange juice? Because it said “concentrate.”
16. What do you call a drunkard in a suit? The “sober” member of the family.
17. Why don’t drunkards mind bad news? After a few drinks, they take everything with a grain of salt.
18. What do you call a drunkard who only drinks champagne? Bubbly natured!
19. Why did the drunkard study mixology? He wanted to understand the “spirit” of his passion.
20. Why do drunkards love soccer? Because every match starts with a “kick-off”.
21. What does a drunkard call a bottle of beer? His “hops” to joy.
22. What did the drunkard say when he left the bar? “Bar-tender, my good man!”
23. Why did the drunkard take his clothes off at the bar? He wanted to have a couple of “naked” drinks.
24. Why did the drunkard take a bath with his clothes on? He heard about washing down his drinks.
25. What’s a drunkard’s favorite chess piece? The bishop… because it moves diagonally like he does.
26. Why did the drunkard go to the library? He heard they were serving “lit”-erature.
27. What does a drunkard call a bar with no alcohol? A “dry” sense of humor.
28. Why do drunkards never play hide and seek? Good luck hiding when you can’t stand straight!
29. Why don’t drunkards play cricket? Because it’s a “sober” sport.
30. Why did the drunkard bring a sandwich to the bar? He wanted to have a beer and a “biter.”
31. Why did the drunkard bring a fan to the bar? Because he wanted to get a little “breezy.”
32. What’s a drunkard’s favorite dance? The “sway.”
33. Why don’t drunkards use compasses? Because they never walk a straight line anyway.
34. Why do drunkards love winter? Because every snowflake reminds them of a vodka crystal.
35. Why did the drunkard bring a bag to the bar? He heard it was BYOB – “Bring Your Own Balance.”
36. Why did the drunkard carry a photo of his liver? To remind him who his drinking buddy is.
37. What’s a drunkard’s favorite shape? A “circle,” because it’s never straight.
38. Why do drunkards make great journalists? They always have a “spirit” for news.
39. Why do drunkards love sailing? Because they’re good at “tipping” over.
40. Why did the drunkard take his blanket to the bar? He wanted to enjoy some “comfort spirits.”
41. What does a drunkard call a bottle of whiskey? His “grain of truth.”
42. Why do drunkards love Halloween? Because it’s the one night a year their walk is considered normal.
43. What’s a drunkard’s favorite musical instrument? The “bottle-o-phone.”
44. What’s a drunkard’s favorite song? “99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall.”
45. What’s a drunkard’s favorite type of math? “Pour” portions.
46. Why did the drunkard join the orchestra? He wanted to be close to the “bar” line.
47. Why did the drunkard go to the bakery? He heard they had excellent “yeast” for brewing.
48. Why don’t drunkards play baseball? Because they always miss the “pitcher.”
49. What’s a drunkard’s favorite superhero? “Wine-man.”
50. What’s a drunkard’s favorite punctuation mark? The “colon,” because it’s always ready for a “colon-cleanser.”
51. Why do drunkards like astronomy? Because they’re always seeing “double stars.”
52. Why do drunkards always carry a map? So they don’t “liquor” direction.
53. Why did the drunkard become a farmer? He wanted to grow his own “barley.”
54. What’s a drunkard’s favorite animal? A “bar”nacle.
55. Why did the drunkard bring a stick to the bar? He heard it was a “stout.”
56. Why did the drunkard become a gardener? He wanted to grow his own “hops.”
57. What’s a drunkard’s favorite type of car? A “brew”ick.
58. Why did the drunkard join the military? He heard about the “navy grog.”
59. Why do drunkards love magic shows? Because they always expect a “disappearing” act.
60. What’s a drunkard’s favorite game? “Pin the Tail on the Barstool.”
61. What’s a drunkard’s favorite meal? A “liquorice.”
62. Why did the drunkard become a philosopher? Because he’s always pondering the meaning of “life, the universe, and everything else.”
63. What’s a drunkard’s favorite movie? “Gone with the Wine.”
64. What’s a drunkard’s favorite cookie? A “rum raisin.”
65. Why don’t drunkards go hiking? Because they can’t find the “trail” mix.
66. Why do drunkards love roller coasters? Because they’re used to the ups and downs.
67. Why did the drunkard go to the zoo? He wanted to see the “bar”-bary apes.
68. What’s a drunkard’s favorite time of day? “Happy Hour.”
69. What’s a drunkard’s favorite season? “Winter,” because of all the “ice.”
70. Why did the drunkard start a rock band? Because he loves a good “jam session.”
71. What’s a drunkard’s favorite planet? “Saturn,” because it’s full of “rings.”
72. Why did the drunkard become a chef? He wanted to perfect “beer-battered” everything.
73. Why did the drunkard go to the circus? He wanted to see the “jugglers.”
74. What’s a drunkard’s favorite nursery rhyme? “Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of beer.”
75. Why did the drunkard go to the hospital? He wanted to get a “shot.”
76. Why do drunkards love fishing? Because of the “catch and release” program.
77. Why did the drunkard go to the candy store? He heard they had “rum balls.”
78. What’s a drunkard’s favorite flower? “Hops.”
79. Why do drunkards love chemistry? Because it’s all about the “solution.”
80. What’s a drunkard’s favorite band? “The Rolling Stones,” because they can’t get no satisfaction either.
81. Why did the drunkard go to the beach? He heard about the “sand bar.”
82. What’s a drunkard’s favorite candy? “Jelly shots.”
83. Why did the drunkard become a geologist? Because he’s used to hitting “rock bottom.”
84. What’s a drunkard’s favorite dessert? “Rum cake.”
85. Why do drunkards love karaoke? Because they love a good “sing-along.”
86. What’s a drunkard’s favorite game? “Twister,” because they’re used to seeing the room spin.
87. What’s a drunkard’s favorite element? “Barium,” because it sounds like “bar.”
88. Why did the drunkard go to the dentist? He needed a “crown.”
89. Why do drunkards love bowling? Because of all the “pin action.”
90. What’s a drunkard’s favorite joke? This one!
91. Why did the drunkard go to the bank? He needed some “liquid” assets.
92. What’s a drunkard’s favorite bird? The “boozehawk.”
93. Why did the drunkard become a pilot? Because he loves “high” altitudes.
94. What’s a drunkard’s favorite tea? “Long Island Iced.”
95. Why did the drunkard become a DJ? Because he’s always “spinning.”
96. What’s a drunkard’s favorite constellation? “The Big Dipper.”
97. Why did the drunkard go to the shoe store? He needed some “loafers.”
98. What’s a drunkard’s favorite ice cream? “Rum raisin.”
99. Why did the drunkard become an archaeologist? He loves “digging up” the past.
100. Why did the drunkard become a magician? Because he loves a good “disappearing” act.
101. Why did the drunkard go to the moon? Because he wanted to open the first “space bar.”

Conclusion

Drunkard jokes offer a delightful escape into a world of mirth and laughter, presenting the lighter side of alcohol-induced shenanigans.

Through witty wordplay and amusing scenarios, these jokes invite us to chuckle at the foibles of inebriated individuals.

From bringing ladders to the bar to mistaking the alphabet for a bottle, the jokes tickle our funny bone while reminding us to enjoy humor without taking ourselves too seriously.

So, the next time you hear a drunkard joke, embrace the lightheartedness and laughter it brings, appreciating the comedic tales that stem from the merriment of an evening filled with spirits.

Cheers to the joy of a good joke and the laughter it brings!