85 vision jokes
- Why don’t myopic people play hide and seek? Because they always lose sight of the objective.
- How does a nearsighted person eat spaghetti? One strand at a time.
- Why did the smartphone go to the eye doctor? Because it lost all its contacts.
- Why don’t eye doctors go to heaven? Because they always dilate.
- Why was the lens always in trouble? Because it kept getting framed.
- Why did the eye refuse to marry the nose? It couldn’t stand the smell of commitment.
- Why did the eye break up with the brain? It was tired of being seen and not heard.
- What did the right eye say to the left eye? Between you and me, something smells.
- Why did the glasses go to school? To improve their frame of reference.
- Why don’t eyes make good secret keepers? They always blink.
- How do eye doctors party? They dilate!
- Why was the eyeball a terrible listener? It kept rolling away.
- What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh.
- Why did the eyes break up with the ears? They were tired of listening to the same old stories.
- Why do glasses never get lost? Because they always stick to their frames.
- What did the eyeball say to the glasses? I’ve got my eyes on you.
- How do eyes greet each other? Iris to meet you.
- What did the optometrist say to the patient who broke his glasses? Looks like we’re seeing a lot more of each other.
- Why was the monocle a good detective? It could always see the finer details.
- How do glasses apologize? They make amends with a clear perspective.
- What did the glasses say to the eyeball? You look spec-tacular!
- Why did the eye doctor set up shop in the jungle? He wanted to work with the cheetahs. (Cheetahs = cheaters)
- Why did the contact lens break up with the eye? It couldn’t handle the pressure.
- How do you know an eye is in love? It keeps pupil-ating.
- Why was the eye a terrible comedian? It always blinked at the punchline.
- Why don’t eyes make good detectives? They tend to gloss over the details.
- Why did the eyeball go to the bank? To get some more contacts.
- What did the glasses say to the policeman? I’ve been framed!
- Why are optometrists always calm? Because they never lose sight of what’s important.
- Why do we tell actors to break a lens instead of a leg? Because every play needs a good spectacle!
- How do you know if your eye is a math genius? When it can calculate the angles just by looking.
- Why was the blind man a good musician? Because he couldn’t see sharp or flat.
- Why did the glasses end up in detention? They were caught passing notes.
- What’s an eye’s favorite type of music? Iris-istible jazz!
- How do you compliment an eye? Say it has a nice iris-tance.
- Why was the computer a terrible eye doctor? It couldn’t handle windows.
- Why did the glasses go to the bar? To get some shots and spectacle!
- What do you call an eye that can play the piano? Iris-istibly talented.
- What did the lazy eye say to the other? Let’s take a look at this later.
- Why do eyeballs never get tired? They always take short blinks.
- Why do glasses make terrible secret agents? They always crack under pressure.
- Why do eyes make bad sailors? They can’t sea very far.
- Why did the optometrist retire? He lost sight of his goals.
- Why was the window a terrible optometrist? It always let in too much light.
- What do you call a pair of glasses that got lost in the desert? A spectacle mirage!
- What did the eye say to the optometrist? Eye see what you did there.
- What’s an eye’s favorite food? Eye-scream.
- Why are lenses so good at keeping secrets? They never reveal the full picture.
- Why did the monocle stop dating? It couldn’t see eye to eye with anyone.
- What’s an eye’s favorite type of dog? An Eye-rish Setter.
- Why was the pupil always picked last in school? It was always at the center of attention.
- What’s an eye’s favorite exercise? Optical crunches.
- Why don’t eyes get good grades? They always blink on the answers.
- What’s an eye’s favorite type of joke? Optic-al illusions.
- Why was the telescope a bad optometrist? It only saw things from afar.
- How do eyes sing? In the key of ‘see’ major.
- Why was the eye a bad chef? It always cried while cutting onions.
- What’s an eye’s favorite city? Iris-tanbul.
- What do you call a baby eye? Eyelet.
- Why did the cornea break up with the pupil? It saw too much.
- Why did the glasses get a speeding ticket? It was always trying to zoom past.
- What’s an eye’s favorite fruit? Eye-pple.
- Why was the eye a good judge? It could see right through everyone.
- Why did the glasses get a bad grade? It failed the eye-sight test.
- What’s an eye’s favorite sport? Eye-ce hockey.
- Why did the eye become a police officer? It wanted to watch over the city.
- How do eyes get high? They dilate.
- Why do glasses hate winter? It always fogged them up.
- Why was the telescope always late? It kept getting lost in space.
- What’s an eye’s favorite vegetable? Eye-rish potatoes.
- Why was the eye good at poker? It always knew when to blink.
- Why don’t eyes ever get lost? They follow the nose.
- What did the glasses say to the hat? You go on ahead, I’ll hang around here.
- Why don’t glasses ever get dirty? They’re always seen to be clean.
- What’s an eye’s favorite type of cheese? Eye-da.
- Why was the eye always optimistic? It looked at the bright side of life.
- What’s an eye’s favorite car? The Iris-istible Lamborghini.
- Why was the lens always happy? It had a clear perspective.
- How did the eye call its mother? On the i-phone.
- Why did the glasses join the gym? To stay in frame.
- What’s an eye’s favorite movie? Eye-ris-istible in Seattle.
- Why do eyes love math? Because it involves angles and curves.
- How did the eyes stop the argument? They just had to look at each other.
- What do you call an optometrist who can play guitar? Iris-istibly talented.
- Why did the lens join the circus? It loved making spectacles.