101 Steven Seagal Jokes

Steven Seagal, a name synonymous with martial arts and action films, is celebrated for his on-screen heroics. Yet, beyond the silver screen, he has become the subject of countless jokes and humorous anecdotes. From his intimidating persona to his distinctive style, these jokes playfully poke fun at the larger-than-life image he has cultivated.

As we delve into a collection of Steven Seagal jokes, we find humor in imagining this action star in a variety of everyday scenarios. Whether he’s in the kitchen, the library, or even at the beach, these jokes transform Seagal into a comical figure who is always ready for action. Let’s explore some of these humorous takes on Steven Seagal and his penchant for the extraordinary.

Top 101 Steven Seagal Jokes:

1. Why does Steven Seagal never play hide and seek? Because no one would try to find him.
2. Why did Steven Seagal bring a ladder to the bar? He heard the drinks were on the house.
3. What’s Steven Seagal’s favorite type of math? Division – because he always splits.
4. Why did Steven Seagal get kicked out of the fruit market? Because he couldn’t stop beating the oranges.
5. Why doesn’t Steven Seagal play chess? He can’t stand being put in check.
6. Why did Steven Seagal bring a ruler to bed? Because he wanted to see how long he slept.
7. Why does Steven Seagal never get locked out? Because he always has the right key, aikido.
8. Why does Steven Seagal always carry a map? So he can always find his way to the action.
9. Why is Steven Seagal like a broken record? Because he always repeats his moves.
10. Why did Steven Seagal get a job at the bakery? Because he’s a master of rolls.
11. Why did Steven Seagal wear two jackets when painting the house? In case he needed a second coat.
12. Why did Steven Seagal get a job at the butcher’s shop? Because he loves chops.
13. Why does Steven Seagal never go swimming? Because he doesn’t want to test the waters.
14. Why did Steven Seagal bring a sword to a gunfight? Because he’s just that sharp.
15. Why doesn’t Steven Seagal play football? Because he can’t handle the kicks.
16. What’s Steven Seagal’s favorite part of the joke? The punchline.
17. Why doesn’t Steven Seagal use a calendar? Because every day is a fight.
18. Why doesn’t Steven Seagal like potato chips? Because he can’t stand the crunch.
19. Why does Steven Seagal never answer his phone? He doesn’t like to be put on hold.
20. Why did Steven Seagal refuse to join the gardening club? He didn’t want to deal with the plot.
21. Why did Steven Seagal become a chef? Because he wanted to stir things up.
22. Why does Steven Seagal always carry an umbrella? Just in case it rains punches.
23. Why did Steven Seagal visit the chiropractor? He heard they had great moves.
24. Why did Steven Seagal get a job at the library? He wanted to check out some moves.
25. Why doesn’t Steven Seagal use a dishwasher? Because he prefers hand-to-hand combat.
26. Why did Steven Seagal start a band? Because he wanted to hit the right note.
27. Why does Steven Seagal like the desert? Because it’s all about the sands-off combat.
28. Why did Steven Seagal go to the art gallery? Because he appreciates fine arts.
29. Why did Steven Seagal refuse to be a pilot? Because he prefers ground combat.
30. Why did Steven Seagal get a job at the circus? Because he likes to clown around.
31. Why does Steven Seagal always wear a belt? Because he likes to keep things tight.
32. Why did Steven Seagal buy a boat? Because he wanted to make waves.
33. Why did Steven Seagal start a fire? Because he wanted to heat things up.
34. Why did Steven Seagal become a carpenter? He wanted to nail it.
35. Why did Steven Seagal get a job at the zoo? He wanted to be around wild action.
36. Why did Steven Seagal start a garden? He wanted to plant some action.
37. Why did Steven Seagal join the orchestra? He wanted to be in tunewith the action.
38. Why doesn’t Steven Seagal ever get a haircut? He can’t stand the snip.
39. Why did Steven Seagal get a job at the pizza place? Because he loves to toss things around.
40. Why does Steven Seagal always carry a compass? He likes to know where the action is.
41. Why did Steven Seagal refuse to be a judge? He doesn’t like passing sentences.
42. Why does Steven Seagal always carry a flashlight? He likes to shed light on the situation.
43. Why did Steven Seagal become a teacher? He wanted to school his enemies.
44. Why did Steven Seagal go to the dentist? He wanted to get to the root of the problem.
45. Why did Steven Seagal become a detective? He wanted to crack the case.
46. Why did Steven Seagal become a firefighter? He wanted to put out the flames of injustice.
47. Why doesn’t Steven Seagal play basketball? Because he can’t handle the bounce.
48. Why did Steven Seagal go to the opera? He wanted to hit the high note.
49. Why does Steven Seagal always wear sunglasses? He likes to keep a shady perspective.
50. Why did Steven Seagal go to the mechanic? He wanted to get his engine running.
51. Why did Steven Seagal refuse to become a politician? He didn’t want to debate.
52. Why does Steven Seagal love winter? Because he likes the cold hard truth.
53. Why did Steven Seagal go to the beach? He wanted to make a splash.
54. Why did Steven Seagal refuse to become a banker? He didn’t want to deal with the change.
55. Why did Steven Seagal become a janitor? He wanted to sweep his problems away.
56. Why did Steven Seagal go to the doctor? He wanted to examine the situation.
57. Why did Steven Seagal refuse to become a sailor? He didn’t want to deal with the tide.
58. Why did Steven Seagal start a farm? He wanted to cultivate action.
59. Why did Steven Seagal refuse to become a bird watcher? He didn’t want to deal with the peepers.
60. Why did Steven Seagal become a tailor? He wanted to stitch up the situation.
61. Why did Steven Seagal go to the bakery? He wanted to rise to the occasion.
62. Why did Steven Seagal refuse to become a mailman? He didn’t want to handle the letters.
63. Why did Steven Seagal become a locksmith? He wanted to unlock the action.
64. Why did Steven Seagal go to the casino? He wanted to deal with the cards.
65. Why did Steven Seagal refuse to become a weatherman? He didn’t want to predict the storm.
66. Why did Steven Seagal become a fisherman? He wanted to reel in the action.
67. Why did Steven Seagal go to the spa? He wanted to steam off the stress.
68. Why did Steven Seagal refuse to become a librarian? He didn’t want to book it.
69. Why did Steven Seagal become a miner? He wanted to dig deeper.
70. Why did Steven Seagal go to the gym? He wanted to pump up the action.
71. Why did Steven Seagal refuse to become a lumberjack? He didn’t want to log it.
72. Why did Steven Seagal become a bartender? He wanted to mix up the action.
73. Why did Steven Seagal go to the amusement park? He wanted to ride the action.
74. Why did Steven Seagal refuse to become a pharmacist? He didn’t want to pill it.
75. Why did Steven Seagal become a gardener? He wanted to root out the action.
76. Why did Steven Seagal go to the pet store? He wanted to fetch the action.
77. Why did Steven Seagal refuse to become a pastry chef? He didn’t want to roll it.
78. Why did Steven Seagal become a park ranger? He wanted to track down the action.
79. Why did Steven Seagal go to the museum? He wanted to frame the action.
80. Why did Steven Seagal refuse to become a taxi driver? He didn’t want to fare it.
81. Why did Steven Seagal become a mountaineer? He wanted to climb up to the action.
82. Why did Steven Seagal go to the candy store? He wanted to sweeten the action.
83. Why did Steven Seagal refuse to become a chef? He didn’t want to slice it.
84. Why did Steven Seagal become a sculptor? He wanted to chisel out the action.
85. Why did Steven Seagal go to the music store? He wanted to tune into the action.
86. Why did Steven Seagal refuse to become a lifeguard? He didn’t want to dive into it.
87. Why did Steven Seagal become a photographer? He wanted to capture the action.
88. Why did Steven Seagal go to the movie theater? He wanted to screen the action.
89. Why did Steven Seagal refuse to become a tour guide? He didn’t want to map it.
90. Why did Steven Seagal become a race car driver? He wanted to speed into the action.
91. Why did Steven Seagal go to the ice cream shop? He wanted to scoop up the action.
92. Why did Steven Seagal refuse to become a window cleaner? He didn’t want to wipe it.
93. Why did Steven Seagal become a road worker? He wanted to pave the way to action.
94. Why did Steven Seagal go to the toy store? He wanted to toy with the action.
95. Why did Steven Seagal refuse to become a gardener? He didn’t want to weed it.
96. Why did Steven Seagal become a mechanic? He wanted to gear up for the action.
97. Why did Steven Seagal go to the flower shop? He wanted to blossom into the action.
98. Why did Steven Seagal refuse to become a radio host? He didn’t want to broadcast it.
99. Why did Steven Seagal become a train conductor? He wanted to be on track with the action.
100. Why did Steven Seagal go to the coffee shop? He wanted to percolate the action.
101. Why did Steven Seagal refuse to become a barber? He didn’t want to cut it.

Conclusion

In the realm of humor, Steven Seagal becomes an enigmatic figure, embodying action-packed scenarios no matter where he goes or what he does. These jokes transform the iconic action star into a source of amusement, showcasing his versatility in more ways than one.

While Steven Seagal may not be the first to laugh at these playful jests, they serve as a reminder that even the most formidable personalities can be the subject of lighthearted humor. So, whether he’s in the kitchen, the garden, or even the circus, one thing is for sure: Steven Seagal is always ready to bring the action, even if it’s in the form of a good laugh.