150 punctuation jokes
- Why don’t commas ever get invited to parties? Because they always cause a pause.
- Why was the semicolon feeling down? It was told it wasn’t a full stop.
- What did the exclamation point say to the period? You need to lighten up!
- Why was the dash always tired? Because it was always running through sentences.
- Why was the period so arrogant? Because it always thinks it’s the end of the matter.
- How did the comma break up with the period? It said, “I think we need a pause.”
- What did the question mark say to the period? “You’re so final.”
- Why did the apostrophe go to the party? To find its missing s.
- Why do periods never get lost? Because they always know their place.
- Why is a semicolon like a poor man’s period? Because it can’t quite stop.
- What does an apostrophe use in order to catch fish? A possessive hook!
- Why was the exclamation point a good comedian? It always knew where to place a punch!
- What’s a period’s favorite sport? Full stop football.
- Why was the hyphen so negative? It always saw the dash half empty.
- What’s the most social punctuation mark? The comma, it loves to join clauses together.
- Why was the period feeling left out? Because it was never in the parentheses.
- Why do commas always win at poker? They know when to hold ‘em and when to pause.
- What did the ellipsis say to the sentence? “I think you’re going on too long…”
- Why was the exclamation point always alert? Because it never missed a point!
- Why did the quotation marks break up with the apostrophe? It felt it was being possessive.
- What did the hyphen say to the dash? “You’re just too long-winded.”
- Why do question marks make great detectives? Because they always need to find the answer.
- How does a comma like to start its day? With a short pause for breakfast.
- Why was the colon late to work? It had two stops to make.
- What do you call an ambitious punctuation mark? An exclamation point striving for an extra point.
- Why was the dash a terrible secret keeper? It always interrupted the sentence.
- What did the colon say to the semicolon? “I’m twice the man you are.”
- How does an ellipsis win an argument? By trailing off dramatically…
- Why was the apostrophe feeling left out? Because it wasn’t part of the quotation.
- What do you call a hyphen with dreams of grandeur? A dash in disguise.
- What do you call an exclamation point in disguise? A secret agent comma.
- Why did the question mark go to school? It had too many questions.
- Why don’t semicolons like playing hide and seek? They always have to hide in the middle.
- What do you call a colon that can play music? A piano maestro, because it hits all the right keys.
- Why was the period always calm? It knew when to stop.
- Why did the comma get a ticket? It didn’t come to a full stop at the sign.
- Why do dashes make terrible leaders? They always interrupt.
- Why did the ellipsis go to therapy? It felt like it was always trailing behind…
- How do question marks flirt? They always ask for your number.
- Why was the apostrophe good at yoga? It could always find its zen in contraction.
- Why do ellipses make good detectives? They always leave you hanging.
- What did the exclamation point say to the question mark? “Why so curious?”
- What’s an apostrophe’s favorite song? “Don’t Stop Believing,” because it’s all about possession.
- Why are commas such good friends? They always let you take a breath.
- What’s a semicolon’s favorite sport? Half-stop hockey.
- Why was the colon a great athlete? It always knew where to split the effort.
- Why don’t question marks like sunbathing? They always end up with a crooked tan.
- Why did the period become a drill sergeant? It liked to give commands.
- Why did the hyphen join the marathon? It wanted to dash its way to victory.
- Why did the exclamation point go to school? It wanted to be a point of interest.
- Why did the ellipsis get cut from the football team? It was always trailing off…
- How does a question mark propose? “Will you marry me?”
- Why was the apostrophe a bad roommate? It was always taking possession of things.
- Why do commas make great tour guides? They always know where to pause for a break.
- Why was the semicolon bad at sports? It could never come to a full stop.
- How did the dash console the hyphen? “At least you’re never out of breath.”
- What’s a colon’s favorite game? Dot-to-dot.
- Why are exclamation points good in emergencies? They know how to raise an alarm.
- What do you call an ellipsis that likes to wait? A pregnant pause.
- Why did the question mark become a journalist? It had a passion for inquiry.
- Why did the comma become a traffic cop? It loved creating breaks.
- Why did the semicolon get a promotion? It was the perfect middle manager.
- Why do apostrophes hate New Year’s Eve? There’s too much countdown confusion.
- How did the exclamation point cheer up the period? “Just add a little excitement to your life!”
- Why are hyphens good at resolving disputes? They connect opposing sides.
- Why do ellipses hate being in a hurry? They prefer to take their time…
- What’s the period’s favorite motivational quote? “The end justifies the means.”
- What’s an apostrophe’s worst fear? Misplacement.
- What did the dash say to the hyphen at the gym? “Your workout is too short.”
- How does an exclamation point say goodbye? With a loud farewell!
- What’s the colon’s least favorite time of day? High noon, because it can’t divide evenly.
- Why did the comma become a baker? It loved making rolls with a pause.
- Why was the question mark unhappy at the beach? It couldn’t straighten out in the sun.
- How does a semicolon celebrate its birthday? With a half-baked party.
- What’s an apostrophe’s favorite fruit? It’s a tie between a cantaloupe and an it’s-peach.
- Why did the exclamation point go to the opera? It wanted to see the high notes!
- Why did the period join the army? It wanted to bring order.
- Why did the hyphen break up with the dash? It was too much of a stretch.
- What’s an ellipsis’s favorite hobby? Leaving things unsaid…
- Why did the question mark win the argument? It asked all the right questions.
- Why did the comma start meditating? It needed a pause in its routine.
- Why did the semicolon go to the party? To find an independent clause.
- What did the apostrophe say to the comma? “Stop taking my space!”
- Why did the dash join the relay race? It wanted to make a run for it.
- What’s the favorite song of a colon? “Two Princes.”
- Why did the exclamation point join the cheerleading squad? It wanted to show some spirit!
- What’s the question mark’s favorite movie? “What’s Eating Gilbert Grape?”
- Why was the ellipsis kicked out of school? It never finished anything…
- Why did the period join the police force? It always brought a sentence to a close.
- How does a semicolon like to relax? With a half-time break.
- Why do apostrophes make terrible detectives? They’re always in the wrong place.
- Why was the dash the best drummer? It always hit the right beat.
- Why did the colon become a gardener? It loved watching things grow in pairs.
- Why is the exclamation point the most dramatic punctuation? It always has to have the last say!
- What’s the question mark’s favorite board game? Guess Who?
- Why did the comma get promoted? It knew how to take a break at the right time.
- Why did the semicolon go to jail? It was caught between two independent clauses.
- How does an apostrophe throw a party? It always keeps it possessive.
- Why did the dash become a movie director? It loved to cut the scenes.
- Why did the colon become a teacher? It had a lot to express.
- What did the exclamation point say to the hyphen? “You’re too short to play this game!”
- Why was the question mark the worst basketball player? It always missed the point.
- Why did the ellipsis make a great suspense writer? It knew how to keep readers hanging…
- Why did the period join the debate team? It was good at making a point.
- Why was the semicolon the worst judge? It could never reach a full stop decision.
- How did the apostrophe get lost? It was in the wrong place at the wrong time.
- Why did the dash win the race? It never stopped running.
- Why was the colon always full? It had two meals at a time.
- Why did the exclamation point get a standing ovation? It always made a scene!
- What did the question mark say at the surprise party? “Who’s asking?”
- Why did the comma become a yoga instructor? It was good at creating pauses.
- Why did the semicolon never get a second date? It was too indecisive.
- What did the apostrophe say to the exclamation point? “You’re so possessive!”
- Why did the dash join a rock band? It was good at making breaks.
- Why was the colon so popular? It always had a plus one.
- How did the exclamation point greet the period? With great enthusiasm!
- What’s a question mark’s favorite drink? A Whiskey Sour, because it loves the twist.
- Why did the comma get kicked out of school? It kept causing breaks in lessons.
- What did the semicolon say to the period? “You need to lighten up!”
- What’s an apostrophe’s favorite dessert? It’s-berry pie.
- Why did the dash hate working in a group? It always had to divide tasks.
- Why did the colon become a chef? It loved to serve things in pairs.
- Why was the exclamation point the best player on the team? It always scored!
- Why was the question mark so mysterious? It never gave a straight answer.
- Why did the ellipsis join a band? It liked to trail off in the music…
- Why did the period get a job as a lifeguard? It was good at enforcing stops.
- Why did the semicolon become a baker? It liked to mix things together.
- What did the apostrophe say to the word? “I’m all yours!”
- Why was the dash a great travel companion? It knew how to take a shortcut.
- What’s a colon’s favorite vegetable? Peas, because they come in pairs.
- How does an exclamation point express surprise? “Oh, wow!”
- Why was the question mark a great detective? It always questioned everything.
- Why was the comma a great actor? It knew when to pause for dramatic effect.
- Why was the semicolon always late? It took too many breaks.
- Why did the apostrophe get a job as a gardener? It loved tending to its plants.
- Why did the dash become a train conductor? It loved going full speed ahead.
- What did the colon say to the period? “You’re half the man I am.”
- Why was the exclamation point always excited? It lived for the thrill!
- Why did the question mark become a philosopher? It always pondered about life.
- Why was the ellipsis always lost? It kept trailing off…
- Why did the period get a job as a doctor? It was good at making a point.
- What’s a semicolon’s favorite pastime? Taking a half-time break.
- Why did the apostrophe go to therapy? It felt misused.
- Why was the dash always broke? It kept dashing through its money.
- Why did the colon go on a diet? It wanted to lose a dot.
- How does an exclamation point say sorry? With a loud apology!
- Why did the question mark get a job as a teacher? It loved to provoke thought.
- Why did the comma become a tour guide? It knew when to take a pause.
- Why was the semicolon a bad comedian? It kept pausing at the wrong time.
- What did the apostrophe say to the semicolon? “I can’t handle your drama, I need my space!”