132 platypus jokes
- Why don’t platypuses like fast food? Because they can’t catch it!
- Why did the platypus bring a map to the party? Because he wanted to have a good time, “down under.”
- What do you call a platypus who can play the piano? Beak-hoven.
- Why did the platypus go to therapy? It had an identity crisis – is it a duck or a beaver?
- What do you call a platypus that doesn’t do anything? A plati-bust.
- Why don’t platypuses use smartphones? Because they can’t figure out the “bill” pay.
- What do you call a platypus who loves to clean? A dust-buster platypus.
- Why did the platypus become a detective? Because he wanted to solve the mystery of his own existence.
- What do you call a platypus that tells time? A clock-ypus.
- Why don’t platypuses like to play hide and seek? Because they always stick their bills out.
- How do platypuses make important decisions? They “flip a bill.”
- Why do platypuses never play chess? Because they always lose their bishops to the ducks.
- What do you call a platypus that’s a great baker? A dough-billed platypus.
- Why was the platypus a terrible comedian? His jokes were always “off the bill.”
- What do platypuses use to fix everything? Duct tape.
- How does a platypus ask for food? “Bill please!”
- Why did the platypus get kicked out of the pond? He was caught “ducking” underwater too often.
- What do you call a platypus that’s a neat freak? A clean-billed platypus.
- What do platypuses wear to formal events? Bill-ties.
- What’s a platypus’s favorite type of music? Bill-bop.
- Why did the platypus join the circus? Because it wanted to be a juggling “bill.”
- Why did the platypus get a job at the bakery? Because it was great at “kneading” dough.
- What do you call a platypus that can dance? A ballerina-billed platypus.
- Why do platypuses never get lost? They always “nose” their way home.
- Why did the platypus start a landscaping business? Because he was tired of being a “web” designer.
- Why did the platypus go to the art class? To learn to draw a “still bill.”
- What do you call a platypus in the military? A lieutenant bill.
- Why did the platypus become a superhero? Because he was already a “beast of all trades.”
- Why did the platypus take a nap? Because he was “webbed” from all the swimming.
- How does a platypus answer the phone? “Web’s this?”
- Why did the platypus bring a flashlight to the party? He didn’t want to be left in the “duck.”
- What’s a platypus’s favorite type of movie? A docu-bill-mentary.
- Why don’t platypuses use umbrellas? Because they’re already “webbed” up.
- What do you call a platypus that is always getting in trouble? A mischievous platy-bust.
- Why did the platypus get a job in construction? Because he was good at “bill-ding.”
- Why did the platypus go to the gym? To get “webbed” and toned.
- What do you call a platypus in the mafia? The Godbill.
- Why don’t platypuses ever go on strike? They don’t like to picket – it messes up their bills.
- What’s a platypus’s favorite type of math? Bill-nomials.
- Why was the platypus a bad golfer? His swing was always “off the bill.”
- What’s a platypus’s favorite type of pasta? Fettuccine alfred-bill.
- Why did the platypus take up acting? Because it loved “bill-board” performances.
- Why don’t platypuses give speeches? They’re afraid of “public bill-ing.”
- How do platypuses keep their clothes crisp? They use a “bill” iron.
- What do you call a platypus that can’t swim? A platy-bust.
- Why did the platypus go to the hardware store? To buy a new “bill-drill.”
- Why did the platypus join the orchestra? Because he had a great “bill” for music.
- What do you call a platypus that’s good at football? A goal-bill platypus.
- What’s a platypus’s favorite type of candy? Jelly bills.
- Why was the platypus always chosen as the team captain? Because he always took the “bill.”
- Why was the platypus late for work? Because he “ducked” out of his responsibilities.
- What’s a platypus’s favorite drink? Bill-er light.
- Why did the platypus open a restaurant? Because he was an expert at flipping “bills.”
- What’s a platypus’s favorite type of pizza? Pepperoni with extra “cheese-bill.”
- Why did the platypus join the rowing team? Because he was an expert at “webbing” through water.
- Why was the platypus a bad singer? He was always off “bill.”
- What do you call a platypus who can play baseball? A platy-batter.
- What’s a platypus’s favorite type of cookie? Choco-bill chip.
- Why was the platypus bad at playing cards? Because he always showed his “bill.”
- Why did the platypus start a band? Because he loved to rock and “bill.”
- What do you call a platypus with a cold? A snot-bill platypus.
- Why don’t platypuses like to go shopping? Because they always lose their “bills.”
- What’s a platypus’s favorite type of fruit? Water-bill-on.
- Why was the platypus the best at poker? Because he had a poker “bill.”
- Why did the platypus love math? Because he was good at “bill”nomials.
- Why did theplatypus get an office job? Because he wanted a stable “bill.”
- Why did the platypus stop surfing? Because he got tired of the “web.”
- What do you call a platypus that’s always late? A “behind-the-bill” platypus.
- Why don’t platypuses like to travel? Because they always get “billed” for extra luggage.
- What’s a platypus’s favorite type of flower? Bill-lilies.
- Why did the platypus go to law school? To become a legal “bill.”
- Why did the platypus take up painting? Because he was good at “bill” boards.
- What do you call a platypus that works at a bank? A loan-bill officer.
- Why was the platypus such a good soccer player? Because he always knew where the “goal-bill” was.
- What’s a platypus’s favorite book? “To Bill a Mockingbird.”
- Why did the platypus refuse to play poker? He didn’t want to up the “bill.”
- What do you call a platypus in space? An astro-bill.
- Why don’t platypuses like credit cards? They prefer to pay their “bills” in cash.
- What’s a platypus’s favorite type of bird? The “bill” finch.
- Why did the platypus become a photographer? Because he loved to “shoot bills.”
- What’s a platypus’s favorite type of sandwich? Peanut butter and “jelly-bill.”
- Why was the platypus always broke? Because he kept paying other’s “bills.”
- What’s a platypus’s favorite type of car? A “bill” volkswagen.
- Why did the platypus get into politics? Because he had a “bill” of rights.
- Why did the platypus become a gardener? Because he loved the smell of fresh “bills.”
- What do you call a platypus in the wild west? A cowboy “bill.”
- Why was the platypus so popular at parties? Because he knew how to “bill” the atmosphere.
- What’s a platypus’s favorite type of meat? “Bill”-tong.
- Why did the platypus join the choir? Because he loved to “bill” out tunes.
- What do you call a platypus with a top hat? A “gentleman-bill.”
- What’s a platypus’s favorite type of shoes? “Bill” Blass.
- Why was the platypus the best at hide and seek? Because he always found a “bill”ding to hide behind.
- What’s a platypus’s favorite holiday? “Bill”entine’s day.
- Why did the platypus go to the zoo? To visit his “bill” friends.
- What do you call a platypus in a band? A “drum-bill.”
- Why don’t platypuses like to go out in the rain? They don’t want to get their “bills” wet.
- What’s a platypus’s favorite type of dance? The “bill”-bop.
- Why did the platypus go to the opera? Because he loved the high “bills.”
- What’s a platypus’s favorite game? “Bill”liards.
- Why did the platypus start a business? To make big “bills.”
- Why did the platypus refuse to play basketball? He didn’t want to dribble the “bill.”
- What’s a platypus’s favorite type of tree? “Bill”berry.
- Why did the platypus go to the doctor? He had a “bill” ache.
- What’s a platypus’s favorite type of music? “Bill”-bop.
- Why was the platypus a great magician? He always had a trick up his “bill.”
- Why did the platypus go to the music festival? Because he loved the “bill”-bongos.
- What do you call a platypus who can do tricks? A “magic-bill.”
- Why did the platypus get a pet fish? He wanted someone to “bill” with.
- What do you call a platypus in a rock band? A “bass-bill.”
- Why did the platypus refuse to join the bird club? He didn’t want to “bill” like the rest.
- What’s a platypus’s favorite movie? “Kill Bill.”
- Why was the platypus always clean? Because he was a neat “bill.”
- What’s a platypus’s favorite type of cake? “Bill”-berry.
- Why did the platypus go to the theme park? He wanted to ride the “bill” coaster.
- What do you call a platypus in a suit? A “business-bill.”
- Why did the platypus go to the library? He wanted to read the “bill” of rights.
- What’s a platypus’s favorite type of fish? “Bill”-fish.
- Why was the platypus always smiling? Because life was “bill”-tiful.
- What do you call a platypus who can sew? A “bill”-stress.
- Why did the platypus refuse to play darts? He didn’t want to “bill” the bullseye.
- What’s a platypus’s favorite drink? “Bill”-berry smoothie.
- Why did the platypus go to the concert? He wanted to see the “bill” band.
- What do you call a platypus who’s a master chef? A “gourmet-bill.”
- Why did the platypus become a police officer? He wanted to serve and “bill.”
- What’s a platypus’s favorite type of pie? “Bill”-berry.
- Why did the platypus refuse to sing at the party? He didn’t want to pay the “bill.”
- What’s a platypus’s favorite type of exercise? “Bill”-ates.
- Why was the platypus a terrible boxer? He couldn’t “bill” a punch.
- What’s a platypus’s favorite type of jam? “Bill”-berry.
- Why did the platypus refuse to join the bird choir? He didn’t want to “bill” out of tune.
- What do you call a platypus who’s a master painter? “Art-bill.”
- Why was the platypus always tired? He was always “billed” out.