150 nfl jokes

  1. Why don’t the Cleveland Browns drink tea? Because the Patriots have all the cups.
  2. Why did the football team go to the bakery? Because they needed a good ‘roll’ model.
  3. What’s the difference between a Jets fan and a baby? Eventually, the baby stops crying.
  4. Why did the football go to the party? Because it was kicked off.
  5. How do you know the Falcons are going to lose? They show up to play.
  6. Why did the football player go to school? He heard they needed some “subtraction” on the field.
  7. Why don’t Dallas Cowboys use their playbook as a doorstop? It’s too easy to push through.
  8. Why do Green Bay Packers fans make terrible detectives? They can’t pick up a single clue.
  9. Why did the Seahawks visit the space center? They wanted to know what a “touchdown” feels like.
  10. Why don’t Chicago Bears use a website? They can’t string three “Ws” together.
  11. Why do the Bengals always carry a map? They never know when they’ll hit a roadblock.
  12. How are scrambled eggs and the Detroit Lions the same? They both get beaten.
  13. Why did the Giants stop playing cards? Because the coach caught them trying to deal.
  14. Why are the Dolphins like a possum? They play dead at home and get killed on the road.
  15. Why are the Cardinals like my neighbors? They can’t pick up a single yard.
  16. Why did the Vikings eat their homework? Because their coach told them it was a piece of cake.
  17. Why do the Buccaneers cry during the game? They’re in the mid-st of a terrible season.
  18. Why did the Steelers go to the art museum? They heard there’s a lot of “passing” there.
  19. Why do the Eagles have wings? So they can quickly fly away from defeat.
  20. How do you know the Redskins are quiet? You can never hear a ‘quarterback’.
  21. What do you call a Jaguar that’s lost every game? A “Cat-astrophe”.
  22. Why do Chargers need a car? They can never gain any momentum on their own.
  23. Why do the Ravens use a crowbar? Because they can’t get any leverage on their own.
  24. Why do the Texans always bring a pencil? Because they always need to ‘draw’ up a new plan.
  25. How do you know the Titans are tall? They can’t keep their heads down, even after a defeat.
  26. Why do the Bills take their time? Because they know they’ll always come up short.
  27. Why did the Broncos go to the bank? They needed to save some “quarters”.
  28. Why did the Colts quit the game? They heard the ‘horses’ were being traded.
  29. Why did the Raiders always pack a suitcase? Because they never knew where they’d land next.
  30. Why did the Panthers get a clock? Because they always lost track of time during the game.
  31. How do the Saints keep their spirits up? They keep telling each other: “It’s all a ‘passing’ phase”.
  32. Why did the Patriots go to school? Because they forgot how to count their wins.
  33. Why do the 49ers always come up short? Because they’re missing that one crucial yard.
  34. Why are the Rams like a laptop? They never have enough RAM.
  35. Why do the Chiefs always carry a compass? Because they never know which direction they’re going.
  36. Why did the Packers go to the library? They heard there was a lot of good ‘coverage’ there.
  37. Why did the Seahawk bring a ladder to the game? Because they wanted to finally reach some heights.
  38. Why are the Bears like a three-legged stool? They just can’t stand up.
  39. Why are the Vikings like a washing machine? Because they lose their socks when they spin.
  40. What do the Bills and my email inbox have in common? Both are full of spam.
  41. Why do the Buccaneers carry a map? They’re always lost at sea.
  42. Why did the Chargers start a gardening club? Because they’re best at throwing in the shovel.
  43. How are the Jets like my lawn? They can’t get a single blade of grass to grow.
  44. Why do the Chiefs live in teepees? They can’t handle a mansion.
  45. Why do the Lions eat fast food? Because they can’t catch anything.
  46. Why are the Redskins like a bad actor? They can’t play a single part right.
  47. Why are the Falcons like an old car? They always breakdown before reaching the endzone.
  48. Why did the Patriots bring a cat to the game? They wanted to show they could make a perfect “purr-throw”.
  49. Why do the Packers make terrible comedians? Their delivery is always off.
  50. Why are the Dolphins like a sunken ship? They’re at the bottom of the league.
  51. Why did the Bengals bring a compass to the game? Because they have no direction.
  52. Why do the Giants play in New York? So the city can have another giant disappointment.
  53. Why are the Eagles like an old shoe? They’re good at being kicked around.
  54. Why did the Steelers bring a flashlight to the game? Because they can’t see their chances of winning.
  55. Why are the Cowboys like a flashlight? They’re not bright enough to lead the way.
  56. Why did the Browns bring a rabbit to the game? They needed someone fast in the field.
  57. Why are the Rams like a bad mechanic? They can’t hold onto a nut.
  58. Why did the Cardinals bring a thermometer to the game? Because their chances of winning are always freezing.
  59. Why did the 49ers dig a hole? They’re used to being in a pit.
  60. Why did the Broncos bring a ladder to the game? Because they’re good at falling from great heights.
  61. Why did the Ravens bring a dictionary to the game? Because they need to look up the term “victory”.
  62. Why do the Texans carry a clock? Because they always run out of time.
  63. Why are the Titans like a boat? They’re good at sinking.
  64. Why did the Jaguars bring a sketch pad to the game? Because they can’t picture a win.
  65. Why did the Raiders bring a mirror to the game? Because they’re good at reflecting on their losses.
  66. Why are the Panthers like a balloon? They’re good at letting people down.
  67. Why did the Chiefs bring a puzzle to the game? Because they’re always trying to piece things together.
  68. Why are the Saints like a bad cook? They always drop the ball.
  69. Why did the Chargers bring a watch to the game? Because they always lose track of time.
  70. Why are the Bears like an old tree? They can’t leave their spot.
  71. Why did the Colts bring a compass to the game? Because they’re always going the wrong way.
  72. Why are the Lions like an old car? They always stall before the finish line.
  73. Why did the Vikings bring a map to the game? Because they always lose their way.
  74. Why did the Seahawks bring a book to the game? Because they need a new game plan.
  75. Why are the Redskins like a broken watch? They never have the right timing.
  76. Why did the Patriots bring a calculator to the game? Because they can’t count on their players.
  77. Why are the Dolphins like a bad driver? They always miss the exit.
  78. Why did the Falcons bring a parachute to the game? Because they’re good at falling.
  79. Why are the Bills like a rainy day? They always bring everybody down.
  80. Why did the Broncos bring a broom to the game? Because they’re used to being swept.
  81. Why are the Browns like a scarecrow? They’re outstanding in their field.
  82. Why did the Packers bring a deck of cards to the game? Because they can’t play with a full deck.
  83. Why are the Bengals like an old song? They can’t hit the high notes.
  84. Why did the Texans bring a bucket to the game? Because they’re used to bailing out.
  85. Why are the Eagles like an old joke? They never get a laugh.
  86. Why did the Cowboys bring a fan to the game? Because they need a little blow of luck.
  87. Why are the Jaguars like a chicken? They’re good at running.
  88. Why did the Steelers bring a calculator to the game? Because they can’t count on a win.
  89. Why are the Chiefs like a candle? They burn out quickly.
  90. Why did the 49ers bring a shovel to the game? Because they’re used to digging themselves into holes.
  91. Why are the Saints like a bad movie? They never get a good rating.
  92. Why did the Colts bring a ruler to the game? Because they can’t measure up to the competition.
  93. Why are the Buccaneers like a broken pencil? They’re pointless.
  94. Why did the Titans bring a thermometer to the game? Because their performance is always lukewarm.
  95. Why are the Jets like a bad recipe? They never turn out right.
  96. Why did the Dolphins bring a compass to the game? Because they’re always off course.
  97. Why are the Raiders like a bad driver? They can’t find the right gear.
  98. Why did the Seahawks bring a timer to the game? Because they’re always running out of time.
  99. Why are the Patriots like a bad actor? They can’t play their part right.
  100. Why did the Lions bring a telescope to the game? Because they’re always looking for a win.
  101. Why are the Chargers like a bad song? They can’t hit the right note.
  102. Why did the Giants bring a stopwatch to the game? Because they can’t manage their time.
  103. Why are the Rams like a bad dancer? They can’t find the right rhythm.
  104. Why did the Vikings bring a ladder to the game? Because they’re always at the bottom.
  105. Why are the Cardinals like a bad student? They never get the right score.
  106. Why did the Broncos bring a magnifying glass to the game? Because they’re always looking for a clue.
  107. Why are the Browns like a bad driver? They can’t stay in their lane.
  108. Why did the Bills bring a raincoat to the game? Because they’re used to a downpour of losses.
  109. Why are the Redskins like a bad comedian? They can’t get a laugh.
  110. Why did the Falcons bring an umbrella to the game? Because they’re used to raining on their own parade.
  111. Why are the Packers like a bad chef? They can’t cook up a win.
  112. Why did the Jaguars bring a metal detector to the game? Because they’re always looking for a spark.
  113. Why are the Chiefs like a bad baker? They can’t rise to the occasion.
  114. Why did the Texans bring a book to the game? Because they need to read the game better.
  115. Why are the Saints like a bad artist? They can’t draw up a winning plan.
  116. Why did the Chargers bring a compass to the game? Because they’re always going south.
  117. Why are the Bengals like a broken clock? They’re right twice a season.
  118. Why did the Browns bring a mirror to the game? Because they like to reflect on their losses.
  119. Why are the Ravens like a bad gambler? They never have a winning hand.
  120. Why did the Patriots bring a parachute to the game? Because they’re used to falling from the top.
  121. Why are the Dolphins like a leaky boat? They’re always sinking.
  122. Why did the Eagles bring a ruler to the game? Because they need to measure their shortcomings.
  123. Why are the Bills like a bad magician? They always drop the ball.
  124. Why did the Cowboys bring a magnifying glass to the game? Because they need to look closer at their game plan.
  125. Why are the Giants like a bad singer? They’re always off key.
  126. Why did the Packers bring a flashlight to the game? Because they need to find their way to the endzone.
  127. Why are the Seahawks like a broken record? They always skip the winning part.
  128. Why did the Raiders bring a stopwatch to the game? Because they need to manage their time better.
  129. Why are the Cardinals like a bad painter? They can’t finish anything.
  130. Why did the Vikings bring a bucket to the game? Because they’re used to carrying their tears.
  131. Why are the 49ers like a bad book? They can’t find a good ending.
  132. Why did the Titans bring a telescope to the game? Because they need to see their future better.
  133. Why are the Falcons like a broken compass? They’re always off direction.
  134. Why did the Chargers bring a map to the game? Because they’re always lost.
  135. Why are the Redskins like a bad exam? They never pass.
  136. Why did the Colts bring a pencil to the game? Because they need to rewrite their game plan.
  137. Why are the Buccaneers like a bad teacher? They can’t get their points across.
  138. Why did the Broncos bring a calculator to the game? Because they need to add more wins.
  139. Why are the Texans like a bad essay? They never have a good conclusion.
  140. Why did the Eagles bring a compass to the game? Because they need to find the right direction.
  141. Why are the Dolphins like a bad chef? They can’t stir up a win.
  142. Why did the Browns bring a flashlight to the game? Because they need to shed some light on their game.
  143. Why are the Patriots like a bad movie? They can’t keep their audience interested.
  144. Why did the Packers bring a map to the game? Because they need to find their way to victory.
  145. Why are the Bengals like a bad reporter? They never have a good lead.
  146. Why did the Jets bring a pencil to the game? Because they need to erase their losses.
  147. Why are the Chiefs like a bad doctor? They can’t keep their patients.
  148. Why did the Bills bring a compass to the game? Because they need to find the right direction.
  149. Why are the Seahawks like a bad judge? They can’t make the right call.
  150. Why did the Rams bring a calculator to the game? Because they need to calculate their chances of winning.

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