150 management jokes
- Why don’t managers ever play hide and seek with their employees? Because good luck hiding when the coffee break is over.
- What’s a manager’s favorite type of music? Delega-jazz.
- What’s a manager’s favorite magic trick? The disappearing deadline.
- Why don’t managers need bookmarks? Because every time they close a book, it shuts down the whole operation!
- What’s a manager’s favorite board game? Risk, because it involves both strategy and chance.
- Why did the manager bring a ladder to the meeting? Because he wanted to make sure he had a high-level overview.
- How many managers does it take to change a light bulb? None, they’ve formed a committee to discuss it.
- Why did the manager break up with his calendar? Too many dates!
- What’s a manager’s favorite part of a joke? The executive summary.
- What do managers use for birth control? Their personality!
- What’s the difference between a manager and a squirrel? The squirrel actually gets nuts done.
- Why did the manager go to the party? To network, not to net-fun.
- What’s a manager’s favorite drink? A cup of Joe-tivation.
- Why don’t managers play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs around!
- What’s a manager’s favorite type of car? A VolkSWOTgen.
- Why don’t managers go to the zoo? Too many beast practices.
- What’s the difference between a manager and a cloud? One can make your day, and the other can ruin it.
- Why did the manager cross the road? Because there was a leadership conference on the other side.
- What’s a manager’s favorite constellation? The Big Delegator.
- Why did the manager get a hole in his shoe? Because he was trying to fill some big boots.
- How does a manager propose? “Will you take this ring and be my most valuable asset?”
- Why did the manager go to therapy? Because he had trouble letting go of control.
- What’s a manager’s favorite plant? A lead-er plant.
- Why don’t managers make good gardeners? Because they’re always trying to manage the growth.
- How can you spot a manager at a pool party? They’re the one calling for a structured swim!
- What’s a manager’s favorite type of tree? A chain of command-tree.
- What’s a manager’s least favorite piece of clothing? Ties, they remind them of deadlines.
- How does a manager party? They plan it!
- Why do managers make bad comedians? They only know how to deliver a punchline on time, not a joke.
- Why did the manager go to the coffee shop? To espresso his thoughts on the next meeting.
- Why don’t managers make good chefs? Too much delegating, not enough seasoning.
- Why did the manager bring a compass to work? To find the right direction for his team.
- How does a manager end a relationship? “It’s not you, it’s ROI.”
- What’s a manager’s favorite weather? Management storm.
- Why are managers bad at hide and seek? They always show up early.
- What’s a manager’s favorite punctuation mark? The semi-colon, it gives structure but still allows for freedom.
- How does a manager stay in shape? By running meetings.
- What do you call a manager at a karaoke night? The keynote speaker.
- Why don’t managers use elevators? They prefer taking steps to success.
- What’s a manager’s favorite exercise? The power walk.
- Why do managers love baseball? Because it’s all about the bottom of the ninth.
- How does a manager sleep? First, they lie on one side, then they lie on the other.
- What’s a manager’s favorite fruit? Low-hanging fruit.
- What does a manager do when he’s sad? He holds a feelings meeting.
- What’s a manager’s favorite holiday? Labor Day, for the irony.
- What’s the difference between a manager and a cat? A cat only has nine lives.
- Why don’t managers get lost? They always follow the procedure.
- Why did the manager keep a fishbowl in his office? To demonstrate a transparent work environment.
- Why do managers always carry a map? In case they need to go off the beaten path.
- How do managers do yoga? By stretching the truth.
- What do you call a manager with no employees? Self-employed.
- Why do managers never play soccer? Because it’s a whole new ball game.
- Why don’t managers ever get sunburn? They always stay in the shade of their corner office.
- What does a manager do in his free time? Plan for his non-free time.
- Why do managers hate baking? It’s all about measuring performance.
- What’s a manager’s favorite dance? The shuffle, for all the moving parts.
- Why do managers never win at poker? Too much risk management.
- Why don’t managers make good astronauts? They would try to manage the universe.
- Why do managers love camping? They get to utilize resources efficiently.
- Why do managers make terrible DJs? They only play things by the book.
- What do you call a manager without a plan? A regular employee.
- Why do managers love Mondays? It’s the only day they can plan out.
- How does a manager prepare for a marathon? By scheduling each mile.
- Why don’t managers play basketball? They’re afraid of dropping the ball.
- Why do managers hate roller coasters? Too many ups and downs.
- What’s a manager’s favorite animal? The task rabbit.
- What do managers and chameleons have in common? They can both adapt to their surroundings.
- Why don’t managers become actors? Because there are too many roles to manage.
- How do managers relax? By organizing their relaxation time.
- Why did the manager fail at fishing? He was too busy trying to manage the fish.
- What do you call a manager at a rock concert? Out of sync.
- Why do managers make terrible painters? They’re always trying to manage the colors.
- How do managers do laundry? By sorting out their priorities.
- Why did the manager go to the bakery? To roll out the doughnut chart.
- What do you call a manager who doesn’t delegate? A micromanager.
- Why are managers bad at playing the lottery? They’re always trying to manage the odds.
- Why do managers love chess? It’s all strategy.
- What do managers and magicians have in common? They both do tricks to keep people’s attention.
- What’s a manager’s favorite sport? Anything with a clear goal post.
- Why don’t managers like surprises? They’re not part of the plan.
- What’s a manager’s favorite type of math? Calculated risk.
- Why don’t managers make good therapists? They just delegate feelings.
- How does a manager apologize? “I regret to inform you that I may have made a slight error.”
- What do you calla manager who loves gardening? A plant manager.
- Why do managers never win at hide and seek? Because good management requires transparency!
- What’s a manager’s favorite type of running? Running a meeting.
- Why do managers make good detectives? They’re always looking for the root cause.
- Why are managers like tea bags? You never know how strong they are until they’re in hot water.
- Why do managers make poor musicians? They read the notes but can’t hear the music.
- Why don’t managers make good poets? Because they always miss the meter.
- Why do managers prefer tennis? Because it’s always serve and return.
- Why do managers fail at photography? They can’t picture success.
- Why don’t managers like mystery novels? Too many plot twists!
- Why are managers like alarm clocks? You usually want to ignore them, but you can’t.
- What do you call a manager who can’t manage time? A chronically challenged.
- Why do managers love winter? Because they can manage the chill.
- Why don’t managers like swimming? Because they can’t keep their head above water.
- What’s a manager’s least favorite animal? The sloth – too slow and unproductive!
- How do managers handle stress? They schedule it for later.
- Why don’t managers like fireworks? They can’t control the spark.
- What’s a manager’s favorite movie? The Godfather, because it’s all about taking control.
- Why do managers like the desert? It’s a chance to manage an oasis.
- What’s a manager’s favorite drink at the bar? An organized cocktail.
- Why don’t managers like magic shows? They can’t figure out the trick behind the illusion.
- Why did the manager join the circus? He thought he could juggle responsibilities better there.
- Why do managers fail at baking? They can’t follow the recipe to success.
- What’s a manager’s favorite video game? Command and Conquer.
- Why are managers like spiders? They spin their web of control.
- What’s a manager’s least favorite insect? The worker ant, it’s too self-sufficient.
- Why don’t managers make good pilots? They always want to be in control of the landing.
- Why are managers bad at leapfrog? They always want to be one step ahead.
- What’s a manager’s favorite type of coffee? One with clearly defined roles and responsibilities.
- Why don’t managers make good race car drivers? They always want to steer the team.
- Why do managers make poor mountain climbers? They can’t peak performance.
- Why do managers love the army? Because it’s all about rank and file.
- Why are managers like hammers? They always hit the nail on the head.
- Why don’t managers make good detectives? They always miss the clues.
- Why do managers love Halloween? They get to control the scare.
- Why do managers make poor dancers? They have two left feet when it comes to stepping out of line.
- What’s a manager’s favorite quote? “Do as I say, not as I do.”
- Why don’t managers like the sea? Too many waves of change.
- Why do managers like Christmas? They get to manage the elf workforce.
- What’s a manager’s favorite flower? The snapdragon, for its sharp and decisive nature.
- Why don’t managers like fantasy novels? They can’t manage the fictional realms.
- Why do managers love puzzles? They enjoy putting pieces together.
- Why don’t managers like cats? Because they can’t herd them.
- What’s a manager’s favorite kind of shopping? Strategic shopping.
- Why are managers bad at playing cards? They can’t deal with unexpected hands.
- Why do managers love gyms? They get to manage their reps.
- Why do managers fail at painting? They can’t visualize the big picture.
- Why don’t managers like boxing? They can’t manage the punches.
- What’s a manager’s favorite type of party? A launch party.
- Why don’t managers make good sailors? They can’t navigate the waters of change.
- Why are managers like bees? They’re always buzzing around.
- Why do managers fail at archery? They can’t hit the target.
- Why do managers love the jungle? They get to manage the wildlife.
- What’s a manager’s favorite type of clock? One that’s well-scheduled.
- Why don’t managers like thunderstorms? They can’t control the weather.
- Why are managers like comets? They come around once in a lifetime.
- Why do managers fail at sculpting? They can’t shape their vision.
- What’s a manager’s favorite type of bird? The early bird.
- Why don’t managers like horror movies? They can’t manage the scares.
- Why do managers love orchestras? They get to manage the symphony.
- Why are managers bad at table tennis? They can’t handle the back and forth.
- What’s a manager’s favorite type of cookie? A well-structured cookie.
- Why don’t managers like rock climbing? They can’t reach the peak.
- Why do managers love deserts? They get to manage the oasis.
- What’s a manager’s favorite type of novel? A well-plotted one.
- Why don’t managers like rainbows? They can’t manage the colors.
- Why are managers like phoenixes? They always rise from the ashes of a crisis.