150 horror jokes
- Why did the vampire read the Wall Street Journal? He heard it had great circulation.
- Why did the zombie go to school? He wanted to improve his brain taste!
- Why do witches use brooms? Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy to fly with!
- What kind of makeup do ghosts wear? Mas-scare-a.
- What’s a monster’s favorite play? Romeo and Ghouliet.
- What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman? Frostbite.
- Why did the ghost go into the bar? For the boos.
- What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit? Necktarines.
- Why do skeletons have low self-esteem? They can see right through themselves.
- What do you call a witch who lives at the beach? A sand-witch.
- Why was the mummy so tense? He was all wound up!
- What do you call a cleaning skeleton? The grim sweeper.
- Why did the headless horseman go to school? To get ahead in life.
- What does a skeleton order at a restaurant? Spare ribs.
- Why did the werewolf stop writing his novel? He had a bad case of writer’s howl-block.
- Why are ghosts bad at lying? You can see right through them.
- What’s a ghoul’s favorite bean? A human bean.
- Why did the vampire get fired from the blood bank? He was caught drinking on the job.
- Why didn’t the skeleton fight the vampire? He didn’t have the guts.
- What do you call a witch’s garage? A broom closet.
- Why don’t ghosts like rain? It dampens their spirits.
- What’s a vampire’s least favorite meal? Stake.
- Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the stomach for it.
- What’s a ghoul’s favorite game? Hide and shriek!
- Why do witches fly on brooms? Because vacuum cleaners get stuck at the end of the cord.
- Why did the ghost go on a diet? He wanted to keep his ghoulish figure.
- How do monsters like their eggs? Terri-fried.
- Why did the zombie join a gym? He wanted better dead lifts.
- What do ghosts serve for dessert? I scream.
- Why did the ghost cross the road? To get to the other side, of course!
- Why don’t mummies take time off? They’re afraid to unwind.
- How does a vampire start a letter? Tomb it may concern…
- What do you get if you cross a ghoul with a cowboy? A “Yee-ha-boo!”
- Why was the ghost a great bartender? He had lots of spirit.
- What is a ghoul’s favorite flavor? Lemon-slime.
- What do you call a skeleton who won’t work? Lazy bones.
- Why did the monster eat a light bulb? He wanted a light snack.
- What do you call a monster with no neck? The Lost Neck Monster.
- Why did the ghost go to the party? For the free boos.
- What kind of streets do zombies like best? Dead ends.
- What do ghosts wear when their eyesight goes blurry? Spook-tacles.
- Why did the vampire bring a spatula to the party? He heard there would be a lot of “bites”.
- How do you fix a jack-o-lantern? With a pumpkin patch.
- Why did the werewolf sit next to the fireplace? He wanted to be a hot dog.
- Why don’t monsters like to eat ghosts? They taste like sheet.
- Why do demons and ghouls hang out together? Because demons are a ghoul’s best friend.
- Why did the mummy call the doctor? Because he was coffin.
- What’s a monster’s favorite dessert? Ice scream and candied eye balls.
- Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.
- Why did the zombie lose his job? He was feeling a little bit ‘dead-beat’.
- What do you call a fat pumpkin? A plumpkin.
- Why did the ghost go to the disco? He had no body to dance with.
- What do you call a skeleton snake? A rattler.
- What do you call a mummy who won a music award? A wrap star.
- Why don’t witches like to ride their brooms when they’re angry? They’re afraid of flying off the handle.
- What do you call a witch who lives in the desert? A sandwitch.
- Why was the zombie a great comedian? He killed it every time.
- What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a computer? A hairy reasoner.
- How does a ghost say goodbye? See you boo-ter!
- What do you call a haunted chicken? A poultry-geist.
- Why don’t vampires use knives? Because they’re pointless.
- What do ghosts read in the morning? The boo-spaper.
- What’s a skeleton’s favorite instrument? A trombone.
- What do you call a monster who poisons cornflakes? A cereal killer.
- What kind of key does a vampire use to unlock his coffin? A skeleton key.
- How do you make a witch itch? Take away the W.
- What kind of dog does Dracula have? A bloodhound.
- What do you call a ghoul who snores? A bore-geist.
- How do you keep a monster from biting his nails? Give him screws.
- What do you get if you cross a vampire and a snowman? Frostbite!
- What do you call a werewolf with a fever? A hot dog.
- Why did the zombie go to the doctor? He was feeling rotten.
- Why don’t ghosts like to go out in the rain? It dampens their spirits.
- What do you call a skeleton who lies? A fib-ula.
- Why did the vampire go to the orthodontist? To improve his bite.
- What do you call a witch at the beach? A sand-witch.
- Why was the mummy a great detective? He always wrapped up his cases.
- Why was the zombie musician kicked out of the band? He was always decomposing.
- How does a vampire flirt? He just bats his eyes.
- Why do ghosts hate rain? It dampens their spirits.
- How did the ghost patch his sheet? With a pumpkin patch.
- What’s a ghoul’s favorite drink? Ghoul-aid.
- What do you call a fast zombie? A zoombie.
- Why did the vampire need mouthwash? Because he had bat breath.
- What does a ghost call his mom and dad? His transparents.
- Why do ghouls and demons get along? Because demons are a ghoul’s best friend.
- Why did the ghost go to the sales? He was looking for some boos.
- What do you call a cleaning skeleton? The grim sweeper.
- Why did the werewolf eat the computer? He was trying to get a byte.
- Why don’t mummies take vacations? They’re afraid they’ll relax and unwind.
- Why did the zombie go crazy? He lost his mind.
- What’s a vampire’s favorite candy? Neck-o wafers.
- Why did the witch refuse to wear a flat hat? She said it wasn’t very bewitching.
- What do you get if you cross a ghost with a cat? A scaredy cat.
- Why was the skeleton always lonely? He had no body.
- What do you call a vampire in a snowstorm? A frostbite.
- Why did the mummy stay in his coffin? He didn’t want to face the “wraps”.
- How do you make a skeleton laugh? Tickle its funny bone.
- Why did the vampire refuse to attack the clown? He was afraid he would taste funny.
- What do you call a skeleton detective? Sherlock Bones.
- Why did the vampire become a vegetarian? He heard stake was bad for his heart.
- What do you call a ghost with a broken leg? Hoblin Goblin.
- Why do mummies have trouble keeping friends? They’re too wrapped up in themselves.
- What do you call a ghost chicken? Poultry-geist.
- Why don’t witches wear flat hats? They’re worried about crashing and being called “sand-witches.”
- What’s a ghoul’s favorite breakfast? Scream of Wheat.
- Why did the ghost go to the sales? He was looking for some boos.
- Why was the werewolf arrested in the butchers shop? He was caught chop-lifting.
- What did the skeleton say to the vampire? “You suck.”
- What is a ghoul’s favorite flavor? Lemon-slime.
- How does a ghost cry? Boo hoo.
- Why was the mummy so tense? He was all wound up.
- What’s a ghoul’s favorite drink? Ghoul-aid.
- Why did the skeleton climb the tree? Because a dog was after his bones.
- What do you call a skeleton who won’t work? Lazy bones.
- Why did the zombie go to the doctor? He was feeling rotten.
- What do ghosts serve for dessert? Ice scream.
- What did the skeleton order for dinner? Spare ribs.
- Why did the mummy stay in his coffin? He didn’t want to face the wraps.
- How do you make a skeleton laugh? Tickle its funny bone.
- Why did the skeleton start a fight? He had a bone to pick.
- What does a ghost wear when it’s raining? Boo-ts.
- Why don’t mummies take vacations? They’re afraid they’ll relax and unwind.
- What’s a ghost’s favorite room? The living room.
- Why did the ghost go to the party? For the boos.
- What do you call a fat pumpkin? A plumpkin.
- What do you call a witch who lives at the beach? A sand-witch.
- What kind of dog does Dracula have? A bloodhound.
- Why don’t ghosts like rain? It dampens their spirits.
- Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.
- What do you call a cleaning skeleton? The grim sweeper.
- What do ghosts serve for dessert? Ice scream.
- Why did the zombie join a gym? He wanted better dead lifts.
- Why did the headless horseman go to school? To get ahead in life.
- What does a skeleton order at a restaurant? Spare ribs.
- Why did the ghost go into the bar? For the boos.
- Why do witches use brooms? Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy to fly with.
- What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit? Necktarines.
- Why did the zombie go to school? He wanted to improve his brain taste.
- Why did the vampire read the Wall Street Journal? He heard it had great circulation.
- What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.
- Why do ghosts love elevators? It raises their spirits.
- What do you call two witches living together? Broommates.
- Why did the monster turn red? It saw the salad dressing.
- What did the ghost teacher say to her class? “Look at the board and I will go through it again.”
- What do you call a witch who only eats sand? Malnourished.
- What do you call a skeleton in a blizzard? A numbskull.
- Why don’t monsters eat clowns? They taste funny.
- Why did the zombie refuse to eat the comedian? He didn’t have the stomach for it.
- What did the ghost say to the bees? “Boo-bees.”