57+ ca jokes

  1. Why don’t accountants ever get bored? Because they always have company!
  2. What do you call a financial controller who always works through lunch, takes two days holiday every two years, is in the office every weekend, and leaves every night after 10 p.m.? Lazy.
  3. How can you tell when the chief accountant is getting soft? When he actually listens to marketing before saying no.
  4. What do you call a trial balance that doesn’t balance? A very fast way to find out who the new accounting manager is going to be.
  5. What’s an auditor’s favorite exercise? Carrying the balance.
  6. Why did the accountant break up with their calculator? They felt too dependent.
  7. What’s an accountant’s favorite brand of coffee? Depreciato.
  8. Why don’t accountants believe in reincarnation? It’s too much like double entry.
  9. Why did the auditor cross the road? Because that’s what they did last year.
  10. How does an accountant stay out of debt? They learn to act their wage.
  11. Why did the accountant always carry a pencil behind their ear? In case they came across a shady figure.
  12. What do you call an accountant who can sing? A tax artist.
  13. Why do economists exist? So accountants have someone to laugh at.
  14. Why was the balance sheet unhappy? It had too many liabilities.
  15. Why did the accountant join the circus? They wanted to run away and join the depreciates.
  16. Why do accountants make good detectives? They can always follow the paper trail.
  17. Why did the accountant break up with their spreadsheet? They felt their relationship was in a constant state of flux.
  18. Why did the accountant stay home from work? They felt fiscally unwell.
  19. Why was the accountant always calm during tax season? They knew how to keep their balance.
  20. Why did the accountant never play hide and seek with their kids? Because good luck hiding when they always find the discrepancies.
  21. What do you call an accountant with an opinion? An auditor.
  22. Why was the accountant good at track and field? They always knew how to get their numbers up.
  23. Why do accountants enjoy reading a balance sheet? It’s the only document where they can read between the lines.
  24. Why don’t accountants ever get sunburned? They always have plenty of shade(funds).
  25. Why did the spreadsheet go to therapy? It had too many unresolved issues.
  26. What’s an accountant’s favorite animal? The Beagle… because it’s always in the black.
  27. Why did the mathematician become an accountant? Because they found figures more reliable than equations.
  28. How do you know your accountant is extroverted? When they look at your shoes instead of their own while talking to you.
  29. Why did the tax accountant go to the bakery? They heard they could get some dough there.
  30. What’s an accountant’s favorite book? The ledger-end of the lost.
  31. How do accountants make a bold fashion statement? By wearing their gray suits instead of the charcoal ones.
  32. Why did the accountant go broke? Because he didn’t figure it out in time.
  33. How did the accountant win the chess game? By taking advantage of every loophole.
  34. What do you call a financial controller at the beach? Sandy figures.
  35. Why was the calculator a more reliable friend than an accountant? You can always count on it.
  36. What’s an accountant’s favorite type of music? Heavy metal – they do like their numbers hard and solid.
  37. Why did the accountant always carry a notebook? Because you never know when you’ll come across a loose figure.
  38. Why did the accountant get an award? They were outstanding in their field – of spreadsheets and numbers.
  39. How do you know an accountant has a sense of humor? They add a joke column on their spreadsheet.
  40. Why do accountants make terrible comedians? Because they get lost in the details.
  41. Why did the accountant stare at the bottle of orange juice for hours? It said concentrate.
  42. Why do accountants love nature? Because it’s full of natural balances.
  43. How does an accountant plan a party? They budget every moment.
  44. Why don’t accountants ever go on vacation? They’re afraid they’ll be replaced by a calculator.
  45. How do you make an accountant laugh on a Saturday? Tell them a joke on a Wednesday.
  46. Why did the accountant start doing yoga? To help them balance their life and not just sheets.
  47. What’s an accountant’s favorite flower? The sunflower – it adds plenty of figures to its name.
  48. Why did the accountant buy a round of drinks? It was tax season – they thought they’d better return something.
  49. Why don’t accountants need to buy a shredder? They have internal auditors for that.
  50. What’s an accountant’s favorite type of car? A Tax-is.
  51. Why did the accountant bring a ladder to work? Because they wanted to finally reach the top line.
  52. What do you call an accountant without a spreadsheet? Lost.
  53. Why do accountants love early mornings? Because it’s accrual world.
  54. Why do accountants always carry a notebook? In case someone throws a figure at them.
  55. Why did the accountant get kicked out of school? They found a loophole in the principal’s rule.
  56. Why did the accountant stay in the bathtub for hours? They wanted to write off depreciation on their rubber duck.
  57. How do accountants cheer each other up? With a pat on the back and a “Be audit you can be!”
  58. Why do accountants make good lovers? They’re great with figures.
  59. Why did the IRS agent get a promotion? They had the best taxing strategy.
  60. What’s an accountant’s favorite movie? The Balance of Power.
  61. How do you know when an accountant is on vacation? They don’t come to work, but they still email you the paperwork.
  62. Why was the spreadsheet a better friend than the accountant? It never forgot a date.
  63. How did the auditor propose to their partner? With an internal control questionnaire.
  64. Why are accountants like Houdini? They can make any balance disappear.
  65. Why do accountants make good philosophers? They can always prove their balance.
  66. Why was the accountant sad at the party? They were a ‘profit’ without honour.
  67. What do you call a charismatic accountant? A tax-tractor.
  68. How do you know if an accountant loves their job? They have Excel on their resume and also as their phone’s wallpaper.
  69. Why did the accountant go to the concert? To check the band’s balance.
  70. How does an accountant break up with their partner? “It’s not you, it’s the fiscal year end.”
  71. Why do accountants love decimals? Because they always have a point.
  72. How do you describe an extroverted accountant? One who stares at your shoes while he’s talking to you instead of his own.
  73. Why did the spreadsheet get promoted? It had all the right formulas.
  74. What’s an accountant’s favorite dessert? A pie chart.
  75. Why did the accountant go to the gym? To get their figures in shape.
  76. How do accountants apologize? “Sorry for the gross misunderstanding.”
  77. Why was the accountant thrown out of school? Because he was caught counting cards.
  78. Why do accountants enjoy golf? Because it’s the only sport where you can’t hear the other guy’s insults.
  79. How do accountants make a balanced breakfast? With equal amounts of debits and credits.
  80. Why did the accountant never trust their calculator? It always seemed to have a hidden agenda.
  81. Why do accountants never win at Monopoly? Because it’s the only game where you can go to jail for doing their job.
  82. What’s the accountant’s favorite pickup line? “Are your financial statements in balance, or do you need help adjusting your entries?”
  83. Why do accountants like to read detective novels? Because the only numbers in them are page numbers.
  84. What’s an accountant’s favorite type of tree? The taxus.
  85. Why do accountants always seem to be working? Because to them, a day without debits and credits is like a day without sunshine.
  86. How does an accountant make their bed? First, they check the figures on the bedsheet.
  87. What’s an accountant’s favorite day of the week? Pay-day.
  88. Why was the calculator better at making decisions than the accountant? It always gave straight answers.
  89. How does an accountant flirt? By giving you a tax winking.
  90. What’s an accountant’s favorite food? Beans – because they love counting them.
  91. What do accountants do when they’re constipated? They work it out with a pencil.
  92. Why did the accountant get a pet goldfish? Because it’s the only creature that’s more interested in floating around all day than they are.
  93. How does an accountant show they’re rebellious? By using a pen instead of a pencil.
  94. Why did the tax accountant go to art school? They wanted to learn how to draw a line under it.
  95. What’s an accountant’s favorite city? Profit-delphia.
  96. Why did the accountant join a dating app? They heard there’s plenty of fish in the sea, but they were looking for a sole proprietor.
  97. How do accountants celebrate Halloween? By adjusting their books to make them more ‘ghoul-ed’ up.
  98. What’s an accountant’s favorite type of pasta? Macaroni and cheese – it’s cheap and can be counted.
  99. Why did the accountant wear glasses? Because they help with ‘fiscal’ vision.
  100. How does an accountant stay positive? By always looking at the gross profit before the taxes.
  101. What’s an accountant’s favorite form of exercise? Jumping to conclusions.
  102. How does an accountant express love? They never play hard to get – they play hard to audit.
  103. What’s an accountant’s favorite superhero? The Incredible Bulk – of paperwork.
  104. Why did the accountant start a gardening business? They had a talent for growing net income.
  105. What’s an accountant’s favorite sport? Tax wrestling.
  106. Why do accountants never play hide and seek? Because good luck hiding when they always find the hidden figures.
  107. Why did the accountant become a farmer? Because they love outstanding fields.
  108. What do you call an accountant who goes to law school? A loophole expert.
  109. How do accountants express their creativity? By finding new ways to make spreadsheets.
  110. What’s an accountant’s favorite game? Monopoly, because it’s all about the balance.
  111. How do accountants make a daring fashion statement? By wearing a blue suit instead of the usual grey.
  112. What’s an accountant’s favorite beverage? Audit-ale.
  113. What’s an accountant’s favorite fairy tale? Snow White and the seven tax brackets.
  114. Why do accountants never play chess? Because they’re always busy checking the books.
  115. Why did the accountant go to the zoo? To do an animal inventory count.
  116. What’s an accountant’s favorite type of band? A rubber band – it helps keep their paperwork together.
  117. How do accountants express their joy? By having a balance of laughter.
  118. What do accountants do to liven up their office party? Invite an actuary.
  119. Why did the accountant become a gardener? They wanted to become a profit of nature.
  120. Why did the accountant become a banker? Because they love counting money.
  121. Why did the accountant marry their calculator? Because they count on it.
  122. Why don’t accountants enjoy playing cards with jungle cats? Too many cheetahs.
  123. How did the accountant impress their boss? By making every cent count.
  124. Why do accountants love the fall season? Because it’s the end of the fiscal year.
  125. Why did the accountant carry a ruler around? They like to keep things straight and narrow.
  126. Why did the auditor go crazy? Too many unchecked balances.
  127. How do accountants keep warm in winter? They heat up the books.
  128. What’s an accountant’s favorite type of dance? The fiscal tango.
  129. Why was the accountant good at basketball? They always aim for net income.
  130. What did the accountant say when they received a large tax refund? “This is accrual joke!”
  131. What do accountants say when they make a mistake? “Oops! I lost my balance.”
  132. Why did the accountant get arrested? They were accused of cooking the books.
  133. How did the accountant fall in love? At first sight of the balance sheet.
  134. Why did the accountant refuse to play cards with the jungle cat? The cheetah was renowned for being a cheater.
  135. How does an accountant stay so calm under pressure? By always keeping their balance.
  136. Why did the spreadsheet go to therapy? It couldn’t solve its own problems.
  137. Why do accountants make good friends? Because they’re always accountable.
  138. Why don’t accountants trust calculators? They can’t stand not having the last digit.
  139. Why did the accountant’s wife leave him? Because he was too much in his own books.
  140. Why did the accountant go to jail? Because of his gross behavior.
  141. What do accountants do to liven up their office? Change the color of their pens.
  142. How does an accountant propose to their loved one? “Will you accept this balance sheet of my love?”
  143. Why was the accountant always calm during tax season? They had a balanced temperament.
  144. What’s an accountant’s favorite saying? “It’s all about the balance.”
  145. Why did the calculator go to the party? It heard the accountant was going to bring the figures.
  146. Why don’t accountants ever ride bikes? They can’t balance the risk.
  147. Why did the accountant’s computer go to therapy? It had a hard drive failure.
  148. How does an accountant plan for retirement? By saving all their cents.
  149. What’s an accountant’s favorite type of fish? Goldfish, because they’re good at keeping their own bowl clean.
  150. Why was the accountant so good at yoga? They knew all the balance poses.

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