135 artichoke jokes

  1. Why don’t artichokes ever win at poker?
    • Because they always fold.
  2. What do you call an artichoke that’s good at playing instruments?
    • An arti-choke-stra.
  3. How do artichokes apologize?
    • They choke up and say they’re sorry.
  4. What do you call an artichoke that loves to sing?
    • An arti-croak.
  5. What’s an artichoke’s favorite song?
    • “Don’t Go Breaking My Heart-ichoke”
  6. Why was the artichoke at the therapist?
    • It had too many layers to peel back.
  7. Why did the artichoke refuse the salad dressing?
    • It didn’t want to get heartburn.
  8. Why don’t artichokes make good detectives?
    • They always leaf the scene of the crime.
  9. What do you call an artichoke that practices meditation?
    • An arti-woke.
  10. What do you call an artichoke that’s gone bad?
    • A heartbreak-choke.
  11. Why was the artichoke feeling blue?
    • It had been in the dip too long.
  12. Why do artichokes never play hide and seek?
    • Because they always choke under pressure.
  13. What do you call an artichoke that can perform magic tricks?
    • Arti-hocus pocus.
  14. How does an artichoke ask someone out on a date?
    • “I’m just a-choke-ing here, but would you like to go out?”
  15. Why was the artichoke feeling left out?
    • It didn’t make the cut for the salad.
  16. Why did the artichoke join a band?
    • It had a deep bass-choke voice.
  17. What did the artichoke say to the romaine lettuce?
    • “Lettuce be friends.”
  18. What do you call an artichoke who’s always daydreaming?
    • An arti-joke.
  19. Why was the artichoke a poor stand-up comedian?
    • It always choked on its punchlines.
  20. Why was the artichoke jealous of the corn?
    • It was tired of being the butt of all “cob” jokes.
  21. Why did the artichoke go to the party?
    • To have a heart-to-heart with the veggie tray.
  22. Why did the artichoke break up with the cucumber?
    • It said, “We’re in a pickle, and I can’t handle it anymore.”
  23. What’s an artichoke’s favorite movie?
    • “Heart-ichoke Ridge.”
  24. Why did the artichoke cross the road?
    • To prove it wasn’t chicken.
  25. What do you call an artichoke with a cold?
    • An arti-choke-and-sneeze.
  26. Why was the artichoke a great journalist?
    • It always got to the heart of the story.
  27. Why do artichokes never participate in races?
    • They’re afraid they’ll get steamed.
  28. How do artichokes get ready for a night out?
    • They brush up their leaves.
  29. Why did the artichoke refuse to play chess?
    • It was afraid of being taken by the rook.
  30. How does an artichoke get around town?
    • It uses its arti-mobile.
  31. Why did the artichoke refuse to go bungee jumping?
    • It was afraid of a hearty fall.
  32. What do you call an artichoke that’s a pro at math?
    • An arti-calc.
  33. Why do artichokes make poor secret agents?
    • They’re always getting grilled.
  34. Why don’t artichokes make good comedians?
    • Their jokes are too corny.
  35. What do you call an artichoke that’s a professional basketball player?
    • Arti-Dunk.
  36. How do artichokes say goodbye?
    • “Okra-dokra, see you later!”
  37. Why was the artichoke late for dinner?
    • It was caught up in a dip.
  38. What’s an artichoke’s favorite dance?
    • The salsa.
  39. What did the artichoke say after a long day?
    • “I’m all choked up.”
  40. Why don’t artichokes make good actors?
    • They can’t handle the spotlight.
  41. What do you call a clumsy artichoke?
    • Arti-oops.
  42. How does an artichoke keep fit?
    • It runs marathons with its buds.
  43. What do you call a trendy artichoke?
    • Arti-chic.
  44. Why don’t artichokes write novels?
    • They have trouble getting to the root of the plot.
  45. Why was the artichoke a successful politician?
    • It always knew how to get to the heart of the matter.
  46. Why did the artichoke go to the disco?
    • To spinach around the dance floor.
  47. Why did the artichoke stop playing poker?
    • It couldn’t handle the chips.
  48. What’s an artichoke’s favorite sport?
    • Heart-ball.
  49. Why don’t artichokes make good drummers?
    • They have trouble with the beet.
  50. Why was the artichoke a terrible liar?
    • It always spilt the beans.
  51. What do you call an artichoke that tells scary stories?
    • An arti-spook.
  52. Why was the artichoke at the opera?
    • It was there for the high chokes.
  53. How does an artichoke respond to a compliment?
    • “I’m blushing, leaf me alone!”
  54. What do you call a philosophical artichoke?
    • An arti-thought.
  55. Why did the artichoke refuse to go on the roller coaster?
    • It didn’t want to get into a spin.
  56. Why don’t artichokes make good hairdressers?
    • They always cut to the root too quickly.
  57. What do you call a scared artichoke?
    • Arti-shook.
  58. Why don’t artichokes make good bankers?
    • They always lose their capital.
  59. How does an artichoke say thanks?
    • “I’m grateful from my heart to my chokes.”
  60. Why was the artichoke a great artist?
    • It knew how to draw from the heart.
  61. Why did the artichoke get a ticket?
    • It didn’t stop at the red beet light.
  62. What do you call an artichoke that’s an actor?
    • Arti-role.
  63. Why do artichokes make terrible mechanics?
    • They always get steamed up.
  64. What do you call an artichoke that practices law?
    • Arti-brief.
  65. Why did the artichoke refuse to play football?
    • It didn’t want to get kicked around.
  66. What’s an artichoke’s favorite type of music?
    • Heart-ichoke rock.
  67. Why did the artichoke refuse to go to the gym?
    • It didn’t want to feel the burn.
  68. What’s an artichoke’s favorite book?
    • “To Kill a Mocking-Bird’s Eye Chili”
  69. Why don’t artichokes make good teachers?
    • They can’t control their classes.
  70. How does an artichoke get to the top of a building?
    • It takes the scallopin-iator.
  71. What do you call a very lazy artichoke?
    • An arti-snooze.
  72. Why don’t artichokes make good soccer players?
    • They’re always tripping over their feet.
  73. What’s an artichoke’s favorite day of the week?
    • Fry-day.
  74. Why don’t artichokes like camping?
    • They hate being roasted.
  75. What do you call an artichoke that tells funny stories?
    • An arti-laugh.
  76. Why was the artichoke bad at hide-and-seek?
    • It always leafed its hiding place.
  77. Why did the artichoke become a fashion designer?
    • It loved dressing up salads.
  78. Why don’t artichokes make good tennis players?
    • They’re always dropping their serve.
  79. What do you call a lonely artichoke?
    • A heart-ichoke alone.
  80. Why was the artichoke a terrible basketball player?
    • It was always getting steamed.
  81. Why was the artichoke a great detective?
    • It always got to the heart of the mystery.
  82. What’s an artichoke’s favorite hobby?
    • Peeling paint off walls.
  83. Why don’t artichokes make good chefs?
    • They’re always boiling over.
  84. Why was the artichoke a successful banker?
    • It had a lot of green.
  85. Why was the artichoke a terrible dancer?
    • It always tripped over its own feet.
  86. Why don’t artichokes like playing video games?
    • They’re always getting roasted.
  87. What’s an artichoke’s favorite type of shoes?
    • Stiletto-heels.
  88. Why did the artichoke become a baker?
    • It wanted to knead dough.
  89. Why don’t artichokes make good athletes?
    • They’re always getting steamed.
  90. What do you call an artichoke that’s a professional skateboarder?
    • Arti-ramp.
  91. Why did the artichoke go to the bar?
    • To get pickled.
  92. What do you call a lucky artichoke?
    • An arti-charm.
  93. Why did the artichoke get a job at the movie theater?
    • It loved popcorn.
  94. What’s an artichoke’s favorite holiday?
    • St. Patty’s Day, for all the green.
  95. Why don’t artichokes make good barbers?
    • They’re always cutting to the root of the problem.
  96. What’s an artichoke’s favorite car?
    • A green Volkswagen.
  97. Why did the artichoke get a job at the gym?
    • It wanted to help people get ripped.
  98. What do you call an artichoke that’s a great DJ?
    • Arti-beat.
  99. Why was the artichoke a terrible gardener?
    • It could never find the root of the problem.
  100. What do you call an artichoke that can play the piano? – Arti-note.
  101. Why did the artichoke refuse to play cricket? – It didn’t want to get battered.
  102. What’s an artichoke’s favorite card game? – Hearts.
  103. Why did the artichoke go to school? – To become a brain-iac.
  104. Why don’t artichokes make good doctors? – They’re always losing their patience.
  105. What’s an artichoke’s favorite drink? – Green tea.
  106. Why did the artichoke join the circus? – It wanted to be a juggler.
  107. Why don’t artichokes make good writers? – They can’t handle the pressure.
  108. Why was the artichoke a terrible musician? – It always hit the wrong note.
  109. What do you call a fashionable artichoke? – Arti-vogue.
  110. Why did the artichoke refuse to join the baseball team? – It didn’t want to get hit.
  111. What do you call an artichoke that’s a successful entrepreneur? – Arti-tycoon.
  112. Why don’t artichokes make good plumbers? – They’re always getting into hot water.
  113. What’s an artichoke’s favorite place to visit? – New York City, for the “Big Apple.”
  114. Why did the artichoke join the choir? – It wanted to hit the high notes.
  115. Why don’t artichokes make good pilots? – They’re always feeling flighty.
  116. What do you call an artichoke that’s a professional boxer? – Arti-fight.
  117. Why was the artichoke a terrible sailor? – It was always getting seasick.
  118. Why did the artichoke join the cooking show? – It wanted to spice up its life.
  119. Why don’t artichokes make good carpenters? – They always screw things up.
  120. What’s an artichoke’s favorite style of music? – Green day.
  121. Why did the artichoke become a fashion model? – It wanted to strut its leaves.
  122. What’s an artichoke’s favorite type of hat? – A beanie.
  123. Why did the artichoke become a fireman? – It wanted to save lives.
  124. Why don’t artichokes make good comedians? – They always botch the punchline.
  125. What do you call an artichoke that’s a professional swimmer? – Arti-float.
  126. Why was the artichoke a terrible singer? – It was always out of tune.
  127. Why did the artichoke join the orchestra? – It wanted to play the oboe.
  128. Why don’t artichokes make good engineers? – They always buckle under pressure.
  129. What’s an artichoke’s favorite type of movie? – A green screen movie.
  130. Why did the artichoke become a dietitian? – It wanted to promote healthy eating.
  131. Why don’t artichokes make good bakers? – They’re always burning the crust.
  132. What do you call an artichoke that’s a professional dancer? – Arti-twist.
  133. Why was the artichoke a terrible architect? – It was always drawing the wrong lines.
  134. Why did the artichoke join the navy? – It wanted to see the world.
  135. Why don’t artichokes make good taxi drivers? – They’re always getting lost.

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