100 Zlatan Jokes

Zlatan Ibrahimović, the legendary Swedish footballer, has not only made a name for himself through his exceptional skills on the field but has also become the subject of numerous jokes and memes that portray him as an almost superhuman figure. These Zlatan jokes humorously exaggerate his abilities and depict him as an all-powerful, larger-than-life persona.

From commanding the elements to bending reality itself, these jokes playfully elevate Zlatan to a level of greatness beyond human comprehension. As we explore this collection of entertaining quips, we’ll delve into the mythical world of Zlatan jokes and witness the boundless admiration people have for this sporting icon.

Zlatan Jokes

Top 100 Zlatan Jokes:

  1. Why doesn’t Zlatan get sunburnt? Because the sun knows better than to mess with Zlatan.
  2. Zlatan doesn’t do push-ups. He pushes the Earth down.
  3. Zlatan doesn’t need a map. He decides where the continents are.
  4. Why does Zlatan always play in attack? Because the ball is too afraid to go past him.
  5. Zlatan doesn’t turn the lights on. He turns the dark off.
  6. Why did Zlatan miss the World Cup? Because it’s a tournament, not a one-man show.
  7. Zlatan doesn’t listen to the referee. The referee listens to Zlatan.
  8. Zlatan doesn’t pay taxes. Taxes pay Zlatan.
  9. Why doesn’t Zlatan get yellow cards? Because paper can’t warn Zlatan.
  10. Zlatan doesn’t score goals. The goal post moves for Zlatan.
  11. Why does Zlatan always take free kicks? Because the ball owes him one.
  12. Zlatan doesn’t need a watch. He decides what time it is.
  13. Why doesn’t Zlatan get injured? Because pain is afraid of Zlatan.
  14. Zlatan doesn’t swim. Water just wants to be around him.
  15. Zlatan doesn’t need to hunt. Animals surrender themselves.
  16. Why did Zlatan go to space? Because he already conquered Earth.
  17. Zlatan doesn’t need a driving license. Cars drive themselves for Zlatan.
  18. Zlatan doesn’t read books. Books read themselves to Zlatan.
  19. Why does Zlatan always win at poker? Because cards dare not cheat Zlatan.
  20. Zlatan doesn’t need to score. Goals are automatically attributed to him.
  21. Why doesn’t Zlatan have bodyguards? Because danger avoids Zlatan.
  22. Zlatan doesn’t need to cook. Food cooks itself out of respect.
  23. Zlatan doesn’t do laundry. Clothes clean themselves for Zlatan.
  24. Why doesn’t Zlatan wear glasses? Because nothing gets in Zlatan’s sight.
  25. Zlatan doesn’t need a passport. Borders open themselves for Zlatan.
  26. Zlatan doesn’t need to pay at restaurants. The bill pays itself.
  27. Why doesn’t Zlatan play hide and seek? Because no one hides from Zlatan.
  28. Zlatan doesn’t need to take exams. Exams pass themselves for Zlatan.
  29. Why doesn’t Zlatan need a coach? Because nobody coaches Zlatan.
  30. Zlatan doesn’t break records. Records break themselves for Zlatan.
  31. Zlatan doesn’t need to study. Knowledge comes to Zlatan.
  32. Why doesn’t Zlatan play golf? Because no hole is a challenge for Zlatan.
  33. Zlatan doesn’t need to plant trees. They grow for Zlatan.
  34. Zlatan doesn’t need a telescope. Space reveals itself to Zlatan.
  35. Why doesn’t Zlatan run marathons? Because distance is no match for Zlatan.
  36. Zlatan doesn’t need a shower. Dirt is afraid to stick to Zlatan.
  37. Zlatan doesn’t need to wear a seatbelt. Accidents avoid Zlatan.
  38. Why doesn’t Zlatan play chess? Because no king dares to face Zlatan.
  39. Zlatan doesn’t need to surf the web. The internet surfs Zlatan.
  40. Zlatan doesn’t need a lawyer. Justice serves Zlatan.
  41. Why doesn’t Zlatan get wet in the rain? Because rain avoids falling on Zlatan.
  42. Zlatan doesn’t need to paint. Colors align themselves for Zlatan.
  43. Zlatan doesn’t climb mountains. Mountains bow down to Zlatan.
  44. Why doesn’t Zlatan play the lottery? Because luck plays Zlatan.
  45. Zlatan doesn’t need to set an alarm. Time wakes up for Zlatan.
  46. Zlatan doesn’t go to the gym. The gym comes to Zlatan.
  47. Why doesn’t Zlatan play video games? Because no game can handle Zlatan.
  48. Zlatan doesn’t write books. Words write themselves for Zlatan.
  49. Zlatan doesn’t need a microphone. Sound amplifies itself for Zlatan.
  50. Why doesn’t Zlatan need a mirror? Because reflections strive to be Zlatan.
  51. Zlatan doesn’t wear a watch. Time follows Zlatan.
  52. Zlatan doesn’t need to fish. Fish jump out of the water for Zlatan.
  53. Why doesn’t Zlatan need a calculator? Because numbers solve themselves for Zlatan.
  54. Zlatan doesn’t need to go shopping. Goods shop themselves for Zlatan.
  55. Zlatan doesn’t need to predict the weather. Weather follows Zlatan’s mood.
  56. Why doesn’t Zlatan play the stock market? Because markets always rise for Zlatan.
  57. Zlatan doesn’t need to practice. Practice learns from Zlatan.
  58. Zlatan doesn’t need a hammer. Nails drive themselves in for Zlatan.
  59. Why doesn’t Zlatan need a compass? Because directions find Zlatan.
  60. Zlatan doesn’t need to use a vacuum. Dust removes itself for Zlatan.
  61. Zlatan doesn’t need to wear sunscreen. The sun dims itself for Zlatan.
  62. Why doesn’t Zlatan need a gardener? Because plants trim themselves for Zlatan.
  63. Zlatan doesn’t need to take out the trash. Trash disposes of itself for Zlatan.
  64. Zlatan doesn’t need to stoke a fire. Flames burn brighter for Zlatan.
  65. Why doesn’t Zlatan need a babysitter? Because kids behave for Zlatan.
  66. Zlatan doesn’t need to mop. Spills clean themselves up for Zlatan.
  67. Zlatan doesn’t need to make reservations. Tables reserve themselves for Zlatan.
  68. Why doesn’t Zlatan play the piano? Because keys play themselves for Zlatan.
  69. Zlatan doesn’t need to go to school. Schools learn from Zlatan.
  70. Zlatan doesn’t need to sweep. Dirt removes itself for Zlatan.
  71. Why doesn’t Zlatan need to change a light bulb? Because bulbs light up for Zlatan.
  72. Zlatan doesn’t need to rake leaves. Leaves pick themselves up for Zlatan.
  73. Zlatan doesn’t need to lock doors. Doors secure themselves for Zlatan.
  74. Why doesn’t Zlatan need a ladder? Because heights lower themselves for Zlatan.
  75. Zlatan doesn’t need to trim hedges. Hedges shape themselves for Zlatan.
  76. Zlatan doesn’t need to check the weather. The weather checks with Zlatan.
  77. Why doesn’t Zlatan need a doctor? Because diseases cure themselves for Zlatan.
  78. Zlatan doesn’t need to repair anything. Things fix themselves for Zlatan.
  79. Zlatan doesn’t need to solve puzzles. Puzzles solve themselves for Zlatan.
  80. Why doesn’t Zlatan need an umbrella? Because rain avoids Zlatan.
  81. Zlatan doesn’t need to turn on the TV. Channels switch on for Zlatan.
  82. Zlatan doesn’t need to feed pets. Pets feed themselves for Zlatan.
  83. Why doesn’t Zlatan need a radio? Because music tunes in for Zlatan.
  84. Zlatan doesn’t need to water plants. Plants hydrate themselves for Zlatan.
  85. Zlatan doesn’t need to buy tickets. Tickets buy themselves for Zlatan.
  86. Why doesn’t Zlatan need a fan? Because air cools itself for Zlatan.
  87. Zlatan doesn’t need to do the dishes. Dishes wash themselves for Zlatan.
  88. Zlatan doesn’t need to catch a flight. Flights land for Zlatan.
  89. Why doesn’t Zlatan need a telescope? Because stars align themselves for Zlatan.
  90. Zlatan doesn’t need to pack a suitcase. Clothes pack themselves for Zlatan.
  91. Zlatan doesn’t need to iron clothes. Wrinkles straighten out for Zlatan.
  92. Why doesn’t Zlatan need a flashlight? Because darkness lightens up for Zlatan.
  93. Zlatan doesn’t need to open a door. Doors open themselves for Zlatan.
  94. Zlatan doesn’t need to wear a helmet. Accidents avoid Zlatan.
  95. Why doesn’t Zlatan need a plumber? Because pipes fix themselves for Zlatan.
  96. Zlatan doesn’t need to adjust the thermostat. Temperature adjusts itself for Zlatan.
  97. Zlatan doesn’t need to wear a life jacket. Water supports Zlatan.
  98. Why doesn’t Zlatan need a parachute? Because gravity respects Zlatan.
  99. Zlatan doesn’t need to charge his phone. Batteries stay full for Zlatan.
  100. Why doesn’t Zlatan need to sleep? Because sleep is for those who are not Zlatan.


The world of Zlatan jokes is a testament to the profound impact Zlatan Ibrahimović has had on the world of football and popular culture. These jokes, with their humorous exaggerations, not only celebrate his sporting prowess but also reflect the awe and admiration he has garnered throughout his illustrious career. Zlatan’s larger-than-life image has transcended the boundaries of the football pitch, turning him into a symbol of strength, confidence, and unparalleled skill.

While we revel in the comedic brilliance of these jokes, it’s essential to remember that they stem from a place of admiration and respect for a truly exceptional athlete. Zlatan Ibrahimović’s legacy will undoubtedly endure for generations to come, not only through his remarkable achievements in football but also through the enduring humor and affectionate banter that the world shares about the one and only Zlatan.

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