58 Washington D.C. Jokes
- Why don’t they play hide and seek in Washington D.C.?
- Because good luck hiding when everyone’s trying to leak your location.
- Why did the tourist bring a ladder to D.C.?
- He heard it’s the only way to get over the political wall.
- Why did the politician go to the bakery in Georgetown?
- He heard he could get his “just desserts” there.
- Why are D.C. politicians like diapers?
- Both should be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
- What’s the hardest job in Washington D.C.?
- Fact checker.
- Why did the politician cross the road in D.C.?
- Because there was a lobbyist on the other side.
- Why was the Washington monument so surprised?
- Why do D.C. politicians never play cricket?
- Because whenever they get near a catch, they drop it.
- What’s the difference between a Washington D.C. politician and a flying pig?
- The letter F.
- Why did the Lincoln Memorial get a time-out?
- It wouldn’t stop Lincoln at people.
- Why did the scarecrow win the D.C. election?
- Because he was outstanding in his field.
- Why are there so many Smithsonians in D.C.?
- Because one is never enough to contain all the political artifacts.
- What’s the difference between a cloud and a D.C. politician?
- The cloud eventually goes away.
- What’s the difference between a D.C. politician and a magician?
- One performs tricks for money, the other is a magician.
- Why was the Jefferson Memorial so humble?
- It couldn’t believe it was always the third one mentioned.
- Why did the politician refuse to play cards with the jungle cat at the National Zoo?
- Because he was afraid of cheetahs.
- Why did the FBI agent go to the art museum?
- He was in search of “intelligence.”
- What do you call a statue that tells jokes in Washington D.C.?
- A stand-up monument.
- How many Washingtonians does it take to change a light bulb?
- Five. One to change the bulb and four to lobby for it.
- Why was the White House feeling blue?
- It was tired of being the center of a-tension.
- Why did the D.C. tourist go to the Library of Congress?
- He heard there was a lot of “checked-out” material there.
- What do D.C. politicians use to cut their pizza?
- Little Caesars.
- Why do all roads in D.C. seem to lead to the Capitol?
- Because politicians can’t resist a roundabout way to get somewhere.
- What do you call a very small mother in Washington D.C.?
- The minimum mom.
- Why was the cherry blossom blushing?
- It saw the Potomac River flowing.
- Why are there so many coffee shops in D.C.?
- Politicians need a place to “spill the beans”.
- What’s a ghost’s favorite spot in Washington D.C.?
- The Ghoul-aguet Hall.
- Why don’t Washington D.C. politicians use bookmarks?
- They just bend the pages over.
- Why did the Congressman bring a sunflower to the debate?
- He wanted to have a “blooming” argument.
- What do you call a politician who can play the piano?
- The key candidate.
- Why did the politician go to the Nationals game?
- He heard it’s the only place in town where it’s safe to make an error.
- Why is Washington D.C. a great place for tennis players?
- Because there’s always a lot of back and forth.
- What’s the most popular wine in D.C.?
- “Do I really have to vote on this?”
- Why was the politician like a bad gardener?
- He kept avoiding the pressing issues.
- Why did the duck go to Capitol Hill?
- He wanted to try his bill on Congress.
- What’s a dog’s favorite part of Washington D.C.?
- The Bark-lays Center.
- Why did the politician eat alphabet soup at the luncheon?
- He wanted to consume more letters than he’s written.
- Why was the Capitol Building the best student?
- It always sits on the Hill and takes notes.
- Why don’t politicians in Washington D.C. ever play hide and seek with their problems?
- Because good luck hiding when the problems always find you.
- Why did the tourist bring a sunflower to D.C.?
- He wanted to show it what real growth looks like.
- Why was the White House like an apple?
- They both have cores of influence.
- Why did the Panda at the National Zoo refuse to play chess?
- It was tired of black and white situations.
- What do you call a very honest politician in Washington D.C.?
- An alien.
- Why did the Senator bring his umbrella to the session?
- Because he heard there might be a reign of ideas.
- Why did the ghost go to the Senate?
- It heard they were debating a “spirit” bill.
- Why are politicians like a faulty compass?
- They never seem to point in the right direction.
- What’s the difference between a politician and a catfish?
- One is a slimy, bottom-dwelling scavenger. The other is a fish.
- Why did the D.C. politician go to therapy?
- Because he had too many bills to deal with.
- Why did the D.C. politician buy a trampoline?
- He wanted to do some back flipping before the election.
- What do you call a politician in Washington D.C. who can cook?
- Chef Executive.
- Why did the Congressman go to the farm?
- He wanted to win the “grassroots” support.
- Why did the politician go to the Nationals game?
- He heard it’s the only place in town where it’s safe to make an error.
- Why did the politician fail at stand-up comedy?
- His jokes never passed.
- Why did the Senator get a ticket at the Nationals game?
- He tried to filibuster the seventh-inning stretch.
- Why did the D.C. tourist go to the Natural History Museum?
- He heard there were some old fossils there, and wanted to compare them with Congress.
- Why did the politician never get lost in D.C.?
- Because he always followed the left or the right.
- Why was the Congressman’s office so cold?
- He left his windows open for transparency.
- Why did the politician wear red and blue glasses in D.C.?
- He wanted to see both sides of the issue.