89 Umpire Jokes That Will Crack You Up

Umpires play a crucial role in sports, ensuring fair play and making the tough calls that can sometimes spark controversy. While their job is serious and demands precision, it’s always fun to lighten the mood with a few umpire jokes.

These jokes playfully poke fun at umpires and their unique position on the field. So, sit back, relax, and get ready to chuckle at these lighthearted umpire jokes that will make you appreciate the humor in their important role.

Umpire Jokes

Top 89 Umpire Jokes:

  1. Why don’t umpires get invited to dinner? Because they always steal home!
  2. What’s an umpire’s favorite type of music? Call-and-response!
  3. Why do umpires never play hide and seek? They always call people out!
  4. How do we know umpires are bad at math? They only know three strikes!
  5. Why did the umpire go to the bakery? Because he kneaded the dough!
  6. Why don’t umpires ever get lost? Because they always follow the base path!
  7. Why did the umpire break up with his girlfriend? He said she was out of his league!
  8. Why was the umpire a terrible dancer? He could never make the right calls!
  9. How does an umpire flirt? He says, “I call you safe at home!”
  10. Why was the umpire bad at poker? He always showed his hands!
  11. What did the umpire say to the overly aggressive player? You’re pushing my buttons, and I don’t have any!
  12. Why was the umpire a bad singer? He always missed the high notes!
  13. Why don’t umpires ever get tired? They always have a good base to stand on!
  14. Why did the umpire bring a ladder to the game? He wanted to make sure he could reach all the calls!
  15. How do we know umpires are bad at cooking? They always overcook the steaks (strikes)!
  16. Why did the umpire go to school? He had trouble making the grade (A)!
  17. Why do umpires make bad detectives? They always call it too soon!
  18. Why did the umpire go to the eye doctor? He couldn’t see the ball!
  19. Why was the umpire always picked last in school? His calls were always up in the air!
  20. Why did the umpire get a job at the post office? He loved to deliver!
  21. Why did the umpire keep checking his watch? He always had to make the call in time!
  22. Why was the umpire so grumpy? He was feeling foul!
  23. What’s an umpire’s favorite type of pasta? Penne-alties!
  24. Why did the umpire join the circus? He loved being the ringmaster!
  25. Why do umpires hate rain? It makes it harder to see the foul line!
Illustration of a cheerful cartoon umpire making a 'safe' call at home plate
  1. What did the umpire say to the hot dog vendor? I need to make a fast call!
  2. Why did the umpire stop playing chess? He got tired of saying, “Checkmate” and preferred “You’re out!”
  3. Why did the umpire go to the theater? He wanted to work on his calls!
  4. Why did the umpire get a pet bird? He wanted someone who understood calls as much as he did!
  5. What do you call an umpire who tells jokes? A comical ref!
  6. Why do umpires always carry a spare baseball? They never want to drop the ball!
  7. Why did the umpire keep a diary? He wanted to record every call!
  8. Why don’t umpires use GPS? They prefer to make their own calls!
  9. What do you call an umpire with a cold? A coughed ref!
  10. What’s an umpire’s favorite book? To Kill a Mockingbird, because it’s all about the law!
  11. Why did the umpire go to the bar? He wanted to call the shots!
  12. Why did the umpire never play football? He couldn’t handle the fumbles!
  13. Why did the umpire go to art school? He wanted to perfect his strokes!
  14. Why don’t umpires make good comedians? They always deliver the punchline too early!
  15. What do you call an umpire who can’t make a decision? A maybe ref!
  16. Why do umpires make bad drivers? They never let anyone pass!
  17. What did the umpire say to the talkative catcher? Your chatter is not in my zone!
  18. Why was the umpire good at fishing? He had no trouble hooking the big one!
  19. Why do umpires never argue? Because they always have the final say!
  20. Why did the umpire get in trouble at the library? He wouldn’t stop shouting, “You’re out!”
  21. Why do umpires always carry an extra pair of shoes? In case they have to make a run for it!
  22. Why did the umpire become a weatherman? He loved predicting showers, especially rain-outs!
  23. Why did the umpire go to the zoo? He wanted to practice his calls on the wild side!
  24. What do you call an umpire who doesn’t age? A timeless ref!
  25. Why did the umpire refuse to play cards? He was afraid of dealing with suits!
Cartoon baseball umpire signaling a strike with a confident expression
  1. Why do umpires make good chefs? They’re not afraid to spice things up!
  2. Why did the umpire get a job at the bank? He loves making safe calls!
  3. What do you call an umpire who loves gardening? A plant ref!
  4. Why don’t umpires get surprised? They always anticipate the next move!
  5. Why did the umpire quit his job at the circus? Too many clowns making the calls!
  6. What do you call an umpire who loves astronomy? A star ref!
  7. Why did the umpire start yoga? To better stretch his calls!
  8. Why do umpires hate mirrors? They don’t like being called out!
  9. What did the umpire say to the noisy crowd? “Quiet! I’m trying to make a call here!”
  10. Why do umpires love winter? They can call a snowball fight!
  11. Why did the umpire go to the opera? To understand high notes!
  12. Why do umpires make good diplomats? They know how to negotiate a safe call!
  13. What do you call an umpire who loves to travel? A tour ref!
  14. Why did the umpire go to the psychologist? He wanted to understand his inner calls!
  15. Why are umpires good at geometry? They know all the angles!
  16. Why don’t umpires play basketball? Too many fouls!
  17. Why do umpires love sunsets? It’s the perfect time for a call it a day!
  18. What do you call an umpire who loves to swim? A dive ref!
  19. Why are umpires always calm? They know how to play it safe!
  20. Why do umpires love camping? They get to call it a night under the stars!
  21. Why did the umpire go to the comedy club? He needed to work on his timing!
  22. Why did the umpire go to the tailor? He needed to adjust his calls!
  23. What do you call an umpire who loves to write? A pen ref!
  24. Why don’t umpires make good secret agents? They’re always seen making calls!
  25. Why do umpires make good counselors? They’re great at calling people out on their issues!
Whimsical illustration of a baseball umpire in action, wearing a classic uniform and holding a mask
  1. Why did the umpire go to the haunted house? He wanted to face his fears and make scary calls!
  2. Why did the umpire join a debate club? He loves making argumentative calls!
  3. Why are umpires great at jigsaw puzzles? They have all the pieces to make the call!
  4. What do you call an umpire with a sweet tooth? A dessert ref!
  5. Why did the umpire become a gardener? He wanted to call the shots in the field!
  6. Why do umpires make great teachers? They know when to call it a day!
  7. Why did the umpire go to the supermarket? He was making a grocery call!
  8. What do you call an umpire who loves boating? A sea ref!
  9. Why do umpires never take sides? They have to make a balanced call!
  10. Why do umpires make good builders? They know when a structure is safe!
  11. Why did the umpire go to a rock concert? He wanted to call out the band!
  12. What do you call an umpire who loves fishing? A hook ref!
  13. Why did the umpire join a chess club? He enjoys making strategic calls!
  14. Why do umpires never get bored? There’s always a call to make!

Conclusion

Umpires may be the unsung heroes of the game, but that doesn’t mean we can’t have a laugh at their expense. These umpire jokes have shown us a lighter side to these dedicated officials, highlighting their quirks and their unique calling abilities.

Whether it’s their love for making the right call or their occasional struggles with timing or making decisions, these jokes remind us that even in the world of sports, there’s room for humor. So the next time you’re watching a game, take a moment to appreciate the umpires and remember these jokes that bring a smile to our faces.

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