150 putin jokes

  1. Why did Putin bring a ladder to the Kremlin? Because he wanted to be the “top” leader.
  2. How does Putin exercise his muscles? By flexing his political power.
  3. What did Putin say to his political opponents? “Crimea river!”
  4. Why did Putin become a politician? He heard it was a great way to annex attention.
  5. What’s Putin’s favorite dance move? The Kremlin shuffle.
  6. What’s Putin’s favorite type of tea? Comrade Chamomile.
  7. Why did Putin open a bakery? Because he kneads dough… and power.
  8. How does Putin keep fit? By doing Russian twists… of his opponents’ words.
  9. What’s Putin’s favorite sport? Geopolitical chess.
  10. Why did Putin go to art school? Because he wanted to master the art of propaganda.
  11. How does Putin make his decisions? By consulting his Magic 8-Ball… that’s shaped like a bear.
  12. Why did Putin become a hairstylist? Because he loves cutting off dissenting opinions.
  13. What’s Putin’s favorite type of music? Russian heavy metal… it’s the perfect soundtrack for annexations.
  14. What did Putin say when someone asked him to stop taking over countries? “Crimea river, I’ll do what I want!”
  15. What’s Putin’s favorite pastime? Annexing the day away.
  16. Why did Putin take up gardening? Because he loves planting Russian flags.
  17. What’s Putin’s favorite movie genre? Political thrillers.
  18. How did Putin become so influential? He perfected the art of the power grab.
  19. Why did Putin start a comedy club? So he could control the punchlines.
  20. What’s Putin’s favorite type of clothing? Ties… with a little extra aggression.
  21. Why did Putin start a band? Because he wanted to be the ruler of rock ‘n’ roll.
  22. What did Putin say to his political opponents? “I’m sorry, I can’t hear you over the sound of my power.”
  23. Why did Putin get a pet tiger? To show he’s the king of the Russian jungle.
  24. What’s Putin’s favorite type of soup? Borscht… with a side of political repression.
  25. Why did Putin start a car dealership? Because he loves driving a hard bargain.
  26. What’s Putin’s favorite board game? Risk… he always goes for world domination.
  27. How did Putin become so influential? He’s got a black belt in geopolitics.
  28. What did Putin say when asked about his election victory? “It was a Putin-derful day!”
  29. Why did Putin become a lifeguard? Because he loves making waves.
  30. What’s Putin’s favorite flavor of ice cream? Rocky Road… to annexation.
  31. Why did Putin become a chef? So he could cook up his own brand of international diplomacy.
  32. What’s Putin’s favorite way to relax? By doing shirtless diplomacy.
  33. Why did Putin start a circus? So he could juggle international relations.
  34. What did Putin say when asked about his secret to success? “It’s all about seizing the opportunity.”
  35. Why did Putin join a choir? Because he wanted to be the voice of the nation.
  36. What’s Putin’s favorite animal? The Russian bear… they both love to hibernate in Crimea.
  37. Why did Putin start a fashion line? Because he’s always in style… and in power.
  38. What did Putin say when asked about his political opponents? “I’ll always Putin my place!”
  39. Why did Putin become a tour guide? So he could annex the best tourist spots.
  40. What’s Putin’s favorite type of pizza? Extra-large with a side of annexed olives.
  41. Why did Putin start a recycling program? So he could annex the trash talk.
  42. What did Putin say when someone asked him to stop meddling in elections? “Sorry, I thought you said ‘medal-ling.'”
  43. Why did Putin become a magician? So he could make international boundaries disappear.
  44. What’s Putin’s favorite exercise? Seizing the means of cardio.
  45. Why did Putin start a band with his political opponents? Because he wanted to be the conductor of dissent.
  46. What did Putin say when asked about his favorite holiday? “Annex-mas!”
  47. Why did Putin become a locksmith? Because he loves unlocking international conflicts.
  48. What’s Putin’s favorite type of car? A tank… for when diplomacy fails.
  49. Why did Putin become a dentist? Because he loves extracting power from the toothless.
  50. What did Putin say when someone called him a dictator? “I prefer the term ‘democratic dominator.'”
  51. Why did Putin start a gardening show? So he could demonstrate the art of planting puppet governments.
  52. What’s Putin’s favorite fruit? The annex-aple.
  53. Why did Putin start a plumbing business? To fix leaks… and information flow.
  54. What did Putin say when someone asked about his favorite chess move? “Annex to knight, checkmate.”
  55. Why did Putin become a weatherman? So he could predict political storms.
  56. What’s Putin’s favorite superhero? Iron Curtain Man.
  57. Why did Putin become a DJ? To spin propaganda… and records.
  58. What did Putin say when asked about his workout routine? “I curl with the weight of the world on my shoulders.”
  59. Why did Putin become a lifecoach? Because he knows how to annex the power of positive thinking.
  60. What’s Putin’s favorite type of sushi? The Crimean roll.
  61. Why did Putin start a fishing show? So he could reel in international disputes.
  62. What did Putin say when asked about his favorite snack? “Annex on the beach!”
  63. Why did Putin become an architect? To design grand plans for world domination.
  64. What’s Putin’s favorite type of candy? Power-straw.
  65. Why did Putin become a locksmith? To pick the locks of international diplomacy.
  66. What did Putin say when someone called him a control freak? “I prefer to think of myself as a precision manager.”
  67. Why did Putin become a fortune teller? So he could predict the annex-t move.
  68. What’s Putin’s favorite type of cookie? Annex-nuts.
  69. Why did Putin start a weightlifting club? Because he wanted to be the strongest leader in the world.
  70. What did Putin say when someone asked him to stop invading neighboring countries? “I can’t bear the thought.”
  71. Why did Putin become a surgeon? To perform political operations.
  72. What’s Putin’s favorite type of fruit? The forbidden annex.
  73. Why did Putin become an astronaut? To claim the ultimate high ground.
  74. What did Putin say when someone called him power-hungry? “I’m just annex-ious for success!”
  75. Why did Putin become a motivational speaker? To inspire others to seize the moment.
  76. What’s Putin’s favorite type of cake? Layered with geopolitical strategy.
  77. Why did Putin start a rock band? To rock the world… and annexations.
  78. What did Putin say when asked about his favorite song? “Kremlin Rhapsody.”
  79. Why did Putin become a tailor? To sew together international relations.
  80. What’s Putin’s favorite type of dance? The Annex-a Tango.
  81. Why did Putin start a perfume line? To capture the scent of power.
  82. What did Putin say when someone asked him to stop meddling in other countries’ affairs? “Sorry, I thought it was ‘mead-ling.'”
  83. Why did Putin become a bartender? To serve up his own brand of politics on the rocks.
  84. What’s Putin’s favorite type of cereal? Annex flakes.
  85. Why did Putin become a motivational speaker? So he could annex the hearts and minds of the audience.
  86. What did Putin say when someone called him a dictator? “I prefer the term ‘annex-tator.'”
  87. Why did Putin start a landscaping business? To reshape the political landscape.
  88. What’s Putin’s favorite type of bird? The Annex-swan.
  89. Why did Putin become a hypnotist? So he could mesmerize the masses.
  90. What did Putin say when someone asked him about his biggest accomplishment? “I’ve annexed it all.”
  91. Why did Putin become a poet? To write verses that capture the essence of power.
  92. What’s Putin’s favorite type of sandwich? The Cuban Missile.
  93. Why did Putin become a barber? To give people a haircut… in their human rights.
  94. What did Putin say when asked about his favorite type of flower? “The Iron Tulip.”
  95. Why did Putin become an archaeologist? To dig up ancient secrets of power.
  96. What’s Putin’s favorite type of cheese? Annex-gouda.
  97. Why did Putin start a circus? So he could be the master of geopolitical acrobatics.
  98. What did Putin say when someone asked him about his hobbies? “I enjoy annex-ercise.”
  99. Why did Putin become a shoe salesman? To step all over his opponents.
  100. What’s Putin’s favorite type of soup? The borscht of power.
  101. Why did Putin become a DJ? To mix politics and beats.
  102. What did Putin say when someone asked him about his favorite TV show? “Game of Thrones? I prefer the Game of Annexations.”
  103. Why did Putin become a therapist? To annex people’s problems.
  104. What’s Putin’s favorite type of pasta? Penne… for the annexation sauce.
  105. Why did Putin become a meteorologist? To forecast political storms.
  106. What did Putin say when someone asked him about his favorite exercise? “I love doing annex-ups.”
  107. Why did Putin become a chef? To cook up a recipe for world domination.
  108. What’s Putin’s favorite type of dessert? Power puffs.
  109. Why did Putin become a referee? To make sure the game is always in his favor.
  110. What did Putin say when someone called him a megalomaniac? “I prefer the term ‘power enthusiast.'”
  111. Why did Putin start a singing career? To serenade the world with his power.
  112. What’s Putin’s favorite type of cocktail? The Annex-on-the-Beach.
  113. Why did Putin become a hypnotist? So he could annex people’s thoughts.
  114. What did Putin say when asked about his favorite board game? “Diplomacy is my favorite… with a side of annexation.”
  115. Why did Putin become a personal trainer? To whip people into shape… his shape.
  116. What’s Putin’s favorite type of flower? The Annex-daisy.
  117. Why did Putin start a motivational seminar? To inspire others to embrace their inner autocrat.
  118. What did Putin say when someone asked him about his favorite vegetable? “Power-nips.”
  119. Why did Putin become a chef? To serve up a taste of power.
  120. What’s Putin’s favorite type of pie? Annex-le.
  121. Why did Putin become a lifeguard? To rescue people from the waves of democracy.
  122. What did Putin say when someone called him a dictator? “I prefer the term ‘master of annexation.'”
  123. Why did Putin become a stand-up comedian? To annex the laughter of the audience.
  124. What’s Putin’s favorite type of cheese? Brie-gging rights.
  125. Why did Putin start a circus? To juggle the hearts and minds of the audience.
  126. What did Putin say when asked about his favorite type of coffee? “Annex-presso, of course.”
  127. Why did Putin become a tailor? To stitch together a legacy of power.
  128. What’s Putin’s favorite type of dessert? Annex-gato.
  129. Why did Putin become a gardener? To sow the seeds of power.
  130. What did Putin say when someone asked him about his favorite card game? “Poker… with a side of annexation.”
  131. Why did Putin become a fitness instructor? To shape people’s bodies… and minds.
  132. What’s Putin’s favorite type of flower? The Annex-tulip.
  133. Why did Putin become a therapist? To annex people’s emotions.
  134. What did Putin say when someone called him a control freak? “I prefer to think of myself as a power perfectionist.”
  135. Why did Putin become a motivational speaker? To inspire others to seize their moment of annexation.
  136. What’s Putin’s favorite type of pie? Annex-leberry.
  137. Why did Putin become a lifeguard? To protect people from the waves of change.
  138. What did Putin say when someone called him a dictator? “I prefer the term ‘annex-ecutive.'”
  139. Why did Putin become a stand-up comedian? To annex the laughter of the crowd.
  140. What’s Putin’s favorite type of cheese? Gouda… with a side of power.
  141. Why did Putin start a circus? To juggle international politics.
  142. What did Putin say when asked about his favorite type of coffee? “Annex-presso, please.”
  143. Why did Putin become a tailor? To stitch together his plans for world domination.
  144. What’s Putin’s favorite type of dessert? Annex-gato.
  145. Why did Putin become a gardener? To plant the seeds of power.
  146. What did Putin say when someone asked him about his favorite card game? “Poker… with a side of annexation.”
  147. Why did Putin become a fitness instructor? To shape both bodies and politics.
  148. What’s Putin’s favorite type of flower? The Annex-tulip.
  149. Why did Putin become a therapist? To annex people’s emotions.
  150. What did Putin say when someone called him a control freak? “I prefer to think of myself as a power perfectionist.”

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