150 nerd jokes

  1. Why don’t programmers like nature? It has too many bugs.
  2. Why did the developer go broke? Because he used up all his cache.
  3. Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
  4. How does a scientist comfort their chemistry book? They say, “Don’t worry, I’ve got your back… and your front matter, too.”
  5. Why did the photon not check a suitcase at the airport? Because it was traveling light.
  6. What do you call a sun that went to college? An enlightened being.
  7. Why was the computer cold at the office? It left its Windows open.
  8. How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb? None, that’s a hardware problem.
  9. What do you call a number that can’t keep still? A “roamin'” numeral.
  10. What is an astronaut’s favorite key on the keyboard? The space bar.
  11. Why don’t physicists trust matter? Because they know it makes up everything.
  12. Why can’t you trust an atom? Because they make up everything!
  13. Why did the programmer go broke? Because he used up all his cache.
  14. Why do programmers always mix up Christmas and Halloween? Because Oct 31 == Dec 25.
  15. Why was the computer cold? It left its Windows open!
  16. What do you call a Benedict Cumberbatch fan in a high-speed internet zone? A fast batch processor.
  17. What do you get when you cross a computer and a lifeguard? A screensaver!
  18. What do you call a neural network that tells jokes? A punning network.
  19. What did the spider do on the computer? Made a website!
  20. How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? None. It’s a hardware problem.
  21. What do you call a joke in binary? A bit of humor.
  22. Why do mathematicians hate the U.S.? Because it’s a country in denial (denial = the Nile).
  23. Why can’t a computer take its hat off? Because it has a bad case of CAPS LOCK.
  24. How does a computer get drunk? It takes screenshots.
  25. Why did the programmer get stuck in the shower? Because the instructions on the shampoo bottle said: “Lather, Rinse, Repeat.”
  26. Why did the two 4’s skip dinner? They already 8 (ate).
  27. Why couldn’t the computer take its coffee? Because it got mugged!
  28. What does a subatomic duck say? Quark!
  29. Why did the developer stay at home? He didn’t want to deal with Java (jive).
  30. What did the biologist wear on his first date? Designer genes.
  31. Why do programmers prefer iOS development? Because on iOS, there are no Windows or Gates.
  32. Why did the software engineer go broke? Because he kept using a ‘for’ loop to generate money, but he was always a penny short.
  33. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field. This applies to scientists too!
  34. How do you know if a mathematician is extroverted? When they look at your shoes instead of their own.
  35. Why did the mathematician spill all of his food in the oven? The directions said, “Put it in the oven at 180°.”
  36. What is a physicist’s favorite food? Fission chips.
  37. What did the number zero say to the number eight? Nice belt!
  38. Why do engineers get Halloween and Christmas mixed up? Because Oct31 = Dec25.
  39. Why are quantum physicists poor at making decisions? They can never be certain.
  40. How does a mathematician plow fields? With a protractor.
  41. Why was the computer cold? It left its Windows open.
  42. What’s a physicist’s favorite part of a baseball game? The wave.
  43. What do you call a wizard who can calculate the surface area of a cylinder? A mathemagician.
  44. How many computer programmers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, that’s a hardware issue.
  45. Why don’t biologists have midlife crises? Because they’re happy with their ‘cells’.
  46. Why can’t you trust an atom? Because they make up everything!
  47. What does a subatomic duck say? Quark!
  48. Why did the scarecrow become a successful politician? Because he was outstanding in his field.
  49. Why did the computer break up with the internet? There was no connection.
  50. What do you call a loony computer salesperson? A ‘RAM’bunctious ‘server’.
  51. What do you call an acid with an attitude? A-mean-o-acid.
  52. What do you call a computer that sings? A-Dell.
  53. Why was Pavlov’s hair so soft? Classical conditioning.
  54. Why couldn’t the computer take its coffee? Because it got mugged!
  55. What’s a data scientist’s favorite type of dance? The random forest.
  56. Why do programmers hate spaces? Because they’re whitespace characters.
  57. How do you know you’re talking to a quantum physicist? He can’t make a definite statement.
  58. What do you call a number that can’t stay in one place? A roamin’ numeral.
  59. Why can’t programmers tell the difference between Halloween and Christmas? Because 31 OCT = 25 DEC.
  60. Why do engineers always carry a red pen? In case they need to draw blood.
  61. What did the geologist call his ex? A fault line.
  62. What do you call a snake that’s exactly 3.14 feet long? A πthon.
  63. Why was the math book sad? It had too many problems.
  64. What do physicists and sailors have in common? They both float their boats using buoyancy.
  65. Why did the programmer keep getting lost? He couldn’t find his way out of infinite loops.
  66. What do you get when you put root beer in a square glass? Just beer.
  67. Why was the equal sign so humble? Because it knew it wasn’t less than or greater than anyone else.
  68. What’s the first sign of robot rebellion? Resistance is Voltage divided by Current.
  69. Why did the math teacher bring a ladder to school? Because she wanted to reach higher degrees.
  70. How do you cheer up a programmer? You console them.
  71. Why did the physicist bring a ladder into the bar? Because he wanted to reach Absolute Zero.
  72. What do you call an angle that is adorable? Acute angle.
  73. Why did the mathematician refuse to work for a company in the Middle East? Because he didn’t want to deal with geopolitical ‘tensions’.
  74. What do you call two friends who love math? Algebros.
  75. Why did the programmer go broke? Because he used up all his cache.
  76. Why was the statistician never satisfied? Because mean things bothered him a lot.
  77. What do you call a smiling Roman with hair in his teeth? A glad-he-ate-her.
  78. What does an air conditioner have in common with a computer? They both lose efficiency as soon as you open Windows.
  79. Why did the O go to school? Because it wanted to become an 8.
  80. Why do we tell actors to “break a leg”? Because every play has a cast!
  81. Why couldn’t the string become an integer? It couldn’t parse itself.
  82. What do you call an average potato? A commentator.
  83. Why couldn’t the angle get a loan? His parents wouldn’t Cosine.
  84. Why was the computer cold at the office? It left its Windows open.
  85. What do you call a sun that went to college? An enlightened being.
  86. Why do physicists enjoy studying people? Because people are complementary subjects.
  87. Why don’t programmers like to go outside? The sunlight causes too many glares on their screens.
  88. How does a mathematician cure constipation? He works it out with a pencil!
  89. Why don’t statisticians like to model for photos? They always get negative results.
  90. What’s an astronomer’s favorite type of bread? Rye-ght Ascension Bread.
  91. What’s the worst thing about binary jokes? There are only 10 types of people who get them.
  92. What do you call an obese psychic? A four-chin teller.
  93. What do you call a scientific cat? A cat-ion.
  94. Why was the computer bad at tennis? It had a hard drive but a slow processor.
  95. How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? None, that’s a hardware problem.
  96. What do you call a computer that takes a while to turn on? A slow booter.
  97. Why was the computer bad at fishing? It couldn’t find the net.
  98. Why did the scientist go to the tanning salon? Because he was a paleontologist.
  99. Why did the computer break up with the internet? There was no connection.
  100. Why did the developer get mad at his computer? Because it had a bad attitude (Altitude).
  101. How does a software developer make a cheerleading squad? By creating an algorithm.
  102. What did the spider do on the computer? Made a website!
  103. What did the data say to the WiFi? We have a good connection.
  104. What is an astronaut’s favorite part of a keyboard? The space bar.
  105. Why was the mathematician late for work? Because he took the rhombus.
  106. What is a computer virus? A terminal illness.
  107. Why did the computer go to therapy? It had too many chips on its motherboard.
  108. What’s a computer’s least favorite food? Spam.
  109. How do mathematicians scold their children? If I’ve told you n times, I’ve told you n+1 times…
  110. What did the science book say to the math book? You’ve got problems.
  111. What do you call friends who love math? Algebros.
  112. What’s a physics teacher’s favorite type of trees? Forces.
  113. Why did the computer squeak? Someone stepped on its mouse.
  114. What do you call a neural network that tells jokes? A punning network.
  115. How do you know your moon phase clock is hungry? It’s going through a phase.
  116. How do we know that the universe likes to procrastinate? It waited 13.8 billion years to produce humans.
  117. Why did the computer take its glasses off? Because it lost all of its Windows.
  118. What do you call a group of musical coders? A band-width.
  119. What do physicists have at parties? FUNdamental particles.
  120. Why do developers prefer dark mode? Because light attracts bugs.
  121. How do you tell an introverted computer scientist from an extroverted one? An extroverted computer scientist looks at your shoes when he’s talking to you.
  122. Why do scientists call helium, curium, and barium the medical elements? Because if you can’t helium or curium, you barium!
  123. Why did the computer get glasses? To improve its web sight.
  124. Why can’t you take electricity to school? Because it can’t conduct itself.
  125. How did the computer get out of the house? It ran through the Windows.
  126. Why do developers prefer iOS development? Because on iOS, there’s no Windows or Gates.
  127. Why did the computer programmer confuse Christmas with Halloween? Because Oct 31 equals Dec 25.
  128. What do you call a benzene ring where the iron has replaced the carbon atom? A ferrous wheel.
  129. How many theoretical physicists does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two. One to hold the bulb and one to rotate the universe.
  130. Why do quantum physicists make bad life guards? Because they can never quite pinpoint where the swimmer is.
  131. Why did the software engineer go broke? Because he kept using a ‘for’ loop to generate money, but he was always a penny short.
  132. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field. This applies to scientists too!
  133. Why did the two 4’s skip dinner? They already 8 (ate).
  134. What do you call a number that can’t keep still? A “roamin'” numeral.
  135. Why did the scarecrow become a successful politician? Because he was outstanding in his field.
  136. What does a subatomic duck say? Quark!
  137. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
  138. Why can’t you trust an atom? Because they make up everything!
  139. What does a subatomic duck say? Quark!
  140. What do you call an angle that is adorable? Acute angle.
  141. What do you call a smiling Roman with hair in his teeth? A glad-he-ate-her.
  142. What did the geologist call his ex? A fault line.
  143. What do you call a snake that’s exactly 3.14 feet long? A πthon.
  144. Why did the math book sad? It had too many problems.
  145. What did the spider do on the computer? Made a website!
  146. Why do engineers always carry a red pen? In case they need to draw blood.
  147. How many computer programmers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, that’s a hardware issue.
  148. What do you call a scientific cat? A cat-ion.
  149. How do you cheer up a programmer? You console them.
  150. Why did the physicist bring a ladder into the bar? Because he wanted to reach Absolute Zero.

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