150 bacteria jokes

  1. Why did the bacteria go to the party?
    • Because it was a culture event.
  2. Why don’t bacteria use social media?
    • They’re scared of going viral.
  3. Why are bacteria so bad at math?
    • Because they multiply by dividing!
  4. How do bacteria flirt?
    • They use pickup “lines.”
  5. What do you call a bacteria that loves chocolate?
    • An E. coli-late!
  6. Why are bacteria great secret keepers?
    • Because they never spill the beans, only split them!
  7. What do you call a germ that can play the piano?
    • Bach-teria.
  8. Why did the bacteria fail the exam?
    • It got caught cheating with culture notes.
  9. What do you call a bacteria that’s gone bad?
    • A mis-staph.
  10. Why are bacteria so self-centered?
    • They always think they’re the center of “a-cell-tion.”
  11. How do bacteria write their essays?
    • With a Micro-soft Word.
  12. Why did the bacteria get expelled from school?
    • For creating a staph infection!
  13. Why don’t bacteria ever get lonely?
    • They hang out in colonies!
  14. Why did the bacteria go to the gym?
    • To work on its core-puscle.
  15. Why do bacteria never play hide and seek?
    • They always get spotted!
  16. Why are bacteria bad at hide and seek?
    • Because they always leave a culture behind.
  17. Why did the bacteria join the circus?
    • It was a natural performer… under the microscope!
  18. Why did the bacteria cross the microscope?
    • To get to the other slide!
  19. What did the bacteria say to the virus at the party?
    • You crack me up, you really are infectious!
  20. How do bacteria cut their hair?
    • With micro-shears!
  21. What do bacteria do when they get ill?
    • They take anti-biotics.
  22. Why did the bacteria go to the art gallery?
    • It had culture.
  23. What do you call a germ from the sun?
    • Solarmonella.
  24. What did the bacteria say to the fungus at the party?
    • You’re such a fun-guy.
  25. What’s a bacteria’s favorite type of music?
    • Anything that’s contagious.
  26. What did the shy bacteria say to its crush?
    • I feel a-CELL-erated around you.
  27. What’s a bacteria’s favorite horror movie?
    • The Blob.
  28. How do bacteria greet each other?
    • Cell-o!
  29. Why did the germ live on a farm?
    • It was a culture vulture.
  30. What do you call a germ that tells tales?
    • Bacterial fib-rosis.
  31. Why don’t bacteria have any friends?
    • They’re too infectious!
  32. How do bacteria communicate?
    • Cell-ularly!
  33. Why do bacteria love school?
    • Because they get to go to biology class.
  34. What did the E.coli say to the Salmonella?
    • Don’t be such a Pseudomonas.
  35. What do bacteria do at the theater?
    • They watch cell-ular performances.
  36. What’s a bacteria’s favorite place?
    • The nucleus.
  37. What do you call a germ that likes to clean?
    • Neat-o-coccus!
  38. Why was the bacteria thrown out of the library?
    • It had a bad case of book-eria.
  39. Why was the germ feeling blue?
  40. What do you call a germ from the gym?
    • Staphylococcus aureus-fit.
  41. Why don’t bacteria trust each other?
    • They’re full of hidden agendas.
  42. What do you call a germ from a computer?
    • E-digital-coli.
  43. How do germs enjoy their leisure time?
    • They have a blasto-cyst.
  44. How do bacteria introduce themselves?
    • Hi, I’m germ-y!
  45. Why did the bacteria break up with its partner?
  46. How do bacteria like their drinks?
    • Well cultured!
  47. What’s a germ’s favorite shape?
    • The round of applause!
  48. What did the germ say to its reflection?
    • I’m looking pretty cell-fie ready.
  49. What’s a germ’s favorite dance?
    • The Twist-eria.
  50. Why was the bacteria at the casino?
    • It was playing with its life-chips.
  51. What’s a germ’s favorite game?
    • Hide and go eek!
  52. Why did the germ go to the baseball game?
    • To catch a fly.
  53. What do you call a germ that sings?
    • A bac-terioke star!
  54. Why did the germ wear a mask?
    • It didn’t want to be recognized.
  55. How do germs say goodbye?
    • Bacte-ri-aura!
  56. What’s a germ’s favorite clothing brand?
    • Abercrombie & Fitch.
  57. Why do germs carry suitcases?
    • They contain the cell-ular essentials.
  58. Why did the germ go on a diet?
    • It wanted to shed some bio-mass.
  59. What’s a germ’s favorite breakfast?
    • Scrambled DNA.
  60. How do germs enjoy their summer?
    • They go for a swim in the gene pool.
  61. How does a germ ask for food?
    • Give me my daily bread and butter-milks.
  62. How do germs paint?
    • With a broad-spectrum antibiotic.
  63. What’s a germ’s favorite actor?
    • Peni-cillin Murphy.
  64. Why do germs love the beach?
    • Because they’re all about that base pair.
  65. Why was the germ arrested?
    • It was charged with bacterial assault.
  66. How do germs like their steak?
    • Medium-rare and well-seared with a side of E. coli.
  67. What do germs like to play on weekends?
  68. What’s a germ’s favorite dessert?
    • Bacterial brownies!
  69. How do germs plan their future?
    • With a DNA road map.
  70. What do you call a germ that can sing?
    • A microbe Buble!
  71. What’s a germ’s favorite holiday destination?
    • The Cell-dan Coast.
  72. What’s a germ’s favorite movie?
    • “The Blob Returns.”
  73. Why do germs love winter?
    • They like to go ice-skating on the petri dish.
  74. How does a germ propose?
    • With a ring around the rosy.
  75. Why was the germ unhappy at the bar?
    • It didn’t get a clean glass.
  76. How do germs like their eggs?
    • Cell-side up.
  77. What’s a germ’s favorite fast food?
    • McDonald’s McMicrobe Meal.
  78. Why was the germ so athletic?
    • It was always in a race against time.
  79. What’s a germ’s favorite flower?
    • The staph-ylococcus.
  80. What’s a germ’s favorite TV show?
    • “The Big Bang Theory: Origin of Life.”
  81. Why was the germ so good at poker?
    • It was a master of bluffing, always hiding its true culture.
  82. How does a germ keep its shape?
    • With a good diet and lots of exer-cyst.
  83. What’s a germ’s favorite type of bread?
    • The gluten free, it avoids a yeast infection.
  84. How does a germ enjoy its day off?
    • By taking a break in a petri dish resort.
  85. Why was the germ always winning at chess?
    • It was a master of strategic infect-ions.
  86. What did the germ say after the performance?
    • That was un-bacterially good!
  87. What’s a germ’s favorite city?
    • New Cell City.
  88. What’s a germ’s favorite type of novel?
    • Bio-graphies.
  89. Why was the germ so happy at the coffee shop?
    • It loved a good brew of E. coli-ffee.
  90. Why did the germ refuse to leave the bar?
    • It was enjoying its drink in high spirits.
  91. Why was the germ wearing sunglasses?
    • It wanted to avoid harmful UV rays.
  92. How do germs avoid traffic?
    • They use the cellular pathway.
  93. What’s a germ’s favorite pet?
    • A hound of Baskerville-ia.
  94. Why did the germ become a comedian?
    • It loved infectious laughter.
  95. What’s a germ’s favorite type of architecture?
    • Modernist, with clean lines and surfaces.
  96. How do germs get their news?
    • From the DNA Gazette.
  97. What’s a germ’s favorite book?
    • “The Catcher in the Petri Dish.”
  98. Why did the germ love romantic movies?
    • It was all about that love bug.
  99. What’s a germ’s favorite candy?
    • The Reese’s Pseudomonas.
  100. How does a germ keep its pants up? – With a bacterial belt.
  101. Why did the germ go to therapy? – It was feeling a bit out of culture.
  102. What’s a germ’s favorite restaurant? – The Cheesecake Bacterium.
  103. Why do germs love hot springs? – They love to bacterially relax.
  104. What’s a germ’s favorite type of car? – Anything that’s compact and easy to maneuver.
  105. Why was the germ so philosophical? – It was always pondering the origin of life.
  106. How does a germ enjoy its weekend? – With a good book and a cup of tea.
  107. What’s a germ’s favorite day of the week? – Fry-day, it gets to have fried microchips.
  108. How do germs celebrate their birthday? – With a cellular party.
  109. What’s a germ’s favorite exercise? – The bacterial bench press.
  110. Why was the germ so good at basketball? – It always scored a micro-shot.
  111. What’s a germ’s favorite ice cream flavor? – Vanilla Bac-teria.
  112. Why do germs love going to the mall? – They love shopping sprees.
  113. What’s a germ’s favorite joke? – “Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!”
  114. How does a germ ask for directions? – “Could you tell me the way to the closest petri dish?”
  115. Why did the germ go to the opera? – It loved the high notes.
  116. What’s a germ’s favorite song? – “I Will Survive.”
  117. Why did the germ join the choir? – It had a micro-voice that could melt hearts.
  118. What’s a germ’s favorite type of dance? – The cha-cha-bac-cha.
  119. How do germs pay their bills? – With microtransactions.
  120. What’s a germ’s favorite sport? – Microbe baseball.
  121. How do germs maintain their privacy? – With anti-bacterial curtains.
  122. What’s a germ’s favorite drink? – A bacteria smoothie.
  123. What’s a germ’s favorite hobby? – Micro-photography.
  124. What’s a germ’s favorite sandwich? – The bacteria BLT.
  125. Why was the germ so good at soccer? – It had mastered the micro-kick.
  126. How does a germ express its anger? – By being bacterial!
  127. What’s a germ’s favorite game show? – “Who Wants to Be a Milli-germ-aire?”
  128. How do germs keep their homes clean? – With anti-bacterial wipes.
  129. What’s a germ’s favorite type of art? – Abstract, because it’s full of colorful cultures.
  130. How do germs pass the time? – By playing tic-tac-micro.
  131. What’s a germ’s favorite type of poetry? – Sonnets with a touch of infection.
  132. What’s a germ’s favorite type of dog? – The Bacterian Mastiff.
  133. How do germs express their love? – With a peck on the cheek cell.
  134. What’s a germ’s favorite fruit? – The bac-terry.
  135. How do germs enjoy their music? – On the bacterial beats.
  136. What’s a germ’s favorite type of bird? – The Bald E. coli.
  137. What’s a germ’s favorite type of plant? – The roses with a lovely scent of Eau de coli.
  138. What’s a germ’s favorite type of weather? – Cloudy with a chance of bacteriophages.
  139. How do germs watch movies? – On the bacterial big screen.
  140. What’s a germ’s favorite type of chocolate? – The dark chocolate with a hint of E. coli.
  141. How do germs celebrate their anniversary? – With a romantic dinner at the petri dish.
  142. What’s a germ’s favorite type of perfume? – Eau de Bac-teria.
  143. How do germs take their tea? – With a hint of bacterial honey.
  144. What’s a germ’s favorite type of joke? – Anything that’s infectious.
  145. How do germs enjoy their vacations? – By taking a dip in the gene pool.
  146. What’s a germ’s favorite type of furniture? – Anything that’s comfy and micro-sized.
  147. How do germs keep their clothes clean? – With antibacterial detergent.
  148. What’s a germ’s favorite type of story? – The ones that start with “once upon a time in a petri dish.”
  149. How do germs maintain their health? – By taking their vitamins and minerals.
  150. What’s a germ’s favorite type of celebration? – Anything that involves dancing and a bacterial feast!

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