150 newspaper jokes

  1. Why don’t newspapers ever go to a party? They don’t want to be accused of having a bias!
  2. How does a newspaper reporter decline a dessert? “No, thank you. I already have my fill of daily scoop.”
  3. Why did the newspaper go to school? To improve its circulation!
  4. Why did the newspaper get promoted? Because it had all the latest news!
  5. How do newspapers apologize? They re-press their regrets.
  6. What do newspapers wear to a wedding? A new-suit.
  7. Why don’t newspapers make good secret keepers? Because they always spread the word!
  8. Why did the newspaper report go to the gym? He wanted to press harder.
  9. What did the editor say to the unformatted newspaper? You’re out of line!
  10. Why are newspapers great at multitasking? They always have several stories going on at once.
  11. Why did the newspaper go to therapy? It had too many issues.
  12. Why don’t newspapers get along with doors? They always get a bad wrap.
  13. What’s a newspaper’s favorite exercise? The press-up.
  14. What’s the newspaper’s favorite band? The Rolling Papers.
  15. Why was the newspaper blushing? It saw the comic strip.
  16. How does a newspaper greet its office? “Good morning, paper crew!”
  17. Why did the newspaper join the circus? To become a juggling paper.
  18. Why did the lonely newspaper join a dating app? For new romance sections.
  19. What did the digital news say to the paper edition? You’re so last century!
  20. What’s a newspaper’s favorite snack? Current buns.
  21. Why don’t newspapers work at construction sites? Because they always fold under pressure.
  22. Why was the newspaper always lost? It kept following the news lead.
  23. Why did the newspaper get a sunburn? It stayed out in the sun too long without proper coverage.
  24. Why did the newspaper go to the beach? It wanted to be a sun-paper.
  25. What do you call a newspaper’s karaoke performance? Breaking News-ic!
  26. Why did the newspaper become a gardener? It wanted to grow some new leads.
  27. Why did the newspaper go on a diet? It had too many extra layers.
  28. Why did the newspaper editor get an award? He had a headline act.
  29. Why do newspapers love the bakery? They can always get fresh rolls.
  30. What did the printer say to the newspaper? You’re full of sheet!
  31. Why did the newspaper go to the dentist? It had a newscavity.
  32. How does a newspaper say goodbye? It waves a headline.
  33. Why do newspapers make bad roommates? They have way too many sections.
  34. What do you call a frightened newspaper? The Daily Scream.
  35. Why are newspapers great dancers? They always have the latest moves.
  36. Why did the newspaper become a detective? It wanted to crack the case of missing letters.
  37. Why did the sports newspaper break up with its partner? It wanted to see other leagues.
  38. Why are newspapers always in the know? They always have the latest scoop.
  39. Why do newspapers always win at poker? They always know the deal.
  40. Why did the newspaper become an actor? It wanted to headline the show.
  41. What’s a newspaper’s favorite movie? “The Post.”
  42. Why did the newspaper start meditating? It needed some peace and quiet.
  43. Why did the newspaper break up with its partner? Too many issues.
  44. Why do newspapers love winter? They get to be extra.
  45. Why are newspapers good at hide and seek? They blend in with the crowd.
  46. Why do newspapers never feel alone? They’re always full of characters.
  47. Why did the newspaper visit the museum? It wanted to be a part of history.
  48. What did the other paper say to the love-struck newspaper? “She’s out of your league, stop press.”
  49. Why did the newspaper go to the bank? It wanted to open a current account.
  50. Why did the newspaper go to the farm? To get fresh daily produce.
  51. Why did the newspaper start boxing? It wanted to hit the headlines.
  52. Why did the newspaper visit the tailor? It was out of shape.
  53. How do newspapers stay cool? They hang around the press.
  54. Why did the newspaper get a job at the bakery? It wanted to roll with the dough.
  55. Why did the newspaper take a vacation? It was tired of being the centerfold.
  56. Why do newspapers hate being in the rain? They fear being a wet blanket.
  57. Why did the newspaper go camping? It wanted to pitch a tent.
  58. Why did the newspaper go on a date with a book? It was attracted by the novel idea.
  59. Why did the newspaper become a chef? It wanted to spice up its daily servings.
  60. Why did the newspaper enter a beauty pageant? It wanted to be Miss Print.
  61. Why did the newspaper take up yoga? It wanted to improve its fold.
  62. Why do newspapers always get the best parking spots? They always arrive in the morning.
  63. Why did the newspaper go to the barber? It needed a trim.
  64. Why did the newspaper start a band? It had a feel for the sheets.
  65. Why did the newspaper take a break? It needed a news snooze.
  66. What’s a newspaper’s favorite type of tea? Current tea.
  67. Why are newspapers always on time? They’ve got pressing deadlines.
  68. Why did the newspaper go to the optometrist? It needed glasses for reading between the lines.
  69. Why did the newspaper go to the shoe store? It wanted to get the latest kicks.
  70. Why did the newspaper go to the zoo? It wanted to cover the monkey business.
  71. Why do newspapers make great detectives? They always follow the lead.
  72. Why did the newspaper turn red? It was embarrassed by its own headlines.
  73. Why are newspapers terrible at hide-and-seek? They always show up at your doorstep.
  74. What’s a newspaper’s favorite dance? The headline hop.
  75. Why did the newspaper date a magazine? It found the glossy look attractive.
  76. What’s a newspaper’s favorite musical instrument? The newsic box.
  77. Why did the newspaper take up photography? It wanted to snap at every opportunity.
  78. Why did the newspaper start jogging? It wanted to chase the stories.
  79. Why did the newspaper join the navy? It wanted to rule the waves.
  80. Why are newspapers terrible chefs? They can’t stop spilling the beans.
  81. Why do newspapers make bad secret agents? They can never keep things under wraps.
  82. Why did the newspaper join a choir? It wanted to be in harmony with its columns.
  83. Why did the newspaper go to a football game? It wanted to catch all the passes.
  84. Why did the newspaper take a flight? It was covering the airways.
  85. Why did the newspaper go to a music concert? It wanted to make some noise.
  86. Why did the newspaper take a job as a lifeguard? It wanted to make the front page save.
  87. Why did the newspaper join a gym? It wanted to work on its body copy.
  88. What did the angry newspaper say? “That’s the last straw, I’m cancelling my issues!”
  89. Why did the newspaper fall in love with the radio? It was attracted by the sound waves.
  90. Why did the newspaper go on a rollercoaster? It wanted a thrill on the front page.
  91. What’s a newspaper’s favorite time of day? News-o-clock.
  92. Why did the newspaper get a cat? It wanted a mews companion.
  93. Why did the newspaper start a knitting club? It wanted to tie up loose ends.
  94. Why did the newspaper become a rapper? It had a way with words.
  95. Why did the newspaper go to a fancy dress party? It wanted to wrap up the event.
  96. Why did the newspaper visit a psychologist? It was feeling a bit folded.
  97. Why did the newspaper join a theatre group? It wanted to play its part.
  98. Why did the newspaper take up bird watching? It wanted to cover all the tweets.
  99. Why did the newspaper start a band? It had a great sheet music collection.
  100. Why did the newspaper learn to swim? It didn’t want to sink.
  101. Why did the newspaper visit a fortune teller? It wanted to know the future headlines.
  102. Why did the newspaper sign up for an art class? It wanted to brush up on its strokes.
  103. Why did the newspaper become a fireman? It wanted to extinguish bad news.
  104. Why did the newspaper enter a race? It wanted to beat the press.
  105. Why did the newspaper go to the disco? It had heard about the latest spin.
  106. Why did the newspaper start cooking? It wanted to stir up some news.
  107. Why did the newspaper go to a comedy show? It needed a comic relief.
  108. Why did the newspaper go to the opera? It wanted to broaden its range.
  109. Why did the newspaper start gardening? It wanted to plant some news.
  110. Why did the newspaper enter a spelling bee? It wanted to prove its grammar.
  111. Why did the newspaper go to the cinema? It wanted a feature story.
  112. Why did the newspaper visit a construction site? It wanted to cover the building story.
  113. Why did the newspaper go to a fashion show? It wanted to know the latest trends.
  114. Why did the newspaper go to an auction? It wanted to bid for the front page.
  115. Why did the newspaper join a choir? It wanted to sing the news.
  116. Why did the newspaper visit the beach? It wanted to cover the tide.
  117. Why did the newspaper go to the gym? It wanted to cover the weights section.
  118. Why did the newspaper join a cooking class? It wanted to spice up the food column.
  119. Why did the newspaper go to a magic show? It wanted to cover the trick of the day.
  120. Why did the newspaper visit a farm? It wanted to have a field day.
  121. Why did the newspaper go to a rodeo? It wanted to ride the latest wave.
  122. Why did the newspaper visit a candy shop? It wanted to sweeten up the gossip column.
  123. Why did the newspaper go to a nightclub? It wanted to dance to the latest beats.
  124. Why did the newspaper visit a pet shop? It wanted to cover the pet of the week.
  125. Why did the newspaper go to a football match? It wanted to catch the ball’s story.
  126. Why did the newspaper join the marines? It wanted to cover the sea stories.
  127. Why did the newspaper go to a boxing match? It wanted a punchy headline.
  128. Why did the newspaper go to a ballet show? It wanted to cover the elegant moves.
  129. Why did the newspaper visit a skate park? It wanted to roll with the news.
  130. Why did the newspaper join a rock band? It wanted to drum up some news.
  131. Why did the newspaper visit an amusement park? It wanted to have a rollercoaster of a day.
  132. Why did the newspaper go to a fashion designer? It wanted to stitch up the style section.
  133. Why did the newspaper go to a detective agency? It wanted to solve the crime news.
  134. Why did the newspaper go to a dance studio? It wanted to cover the groove of the day.
  135. Why did the newspaper visit a toy store? It wanted to play with the news.
  136. Why did the newspaper go to a yoga class? It wanted to stretch the news.
  137. Why did the newspaper visit a zoo? It wanted to capture the wild news.
  138. Why did the newspaper go to a concert? It wanted to note the music news.
  139. Why did the newspaper visit a winery? It wanted to savor the wine news.
  140. Why did the newspaper go to a circus? It wanted to juggle the news.
  141. Why did the newspaper visit a race track? It wanted to run with the news.
  142. Why did the newspaper go to a gymnasium? It wanted to flex its news.
  143. Why did the newspaper visit a music studio? It wanted to record the hits.
  144. Why did the newspaper go to a library? It wanted to book the news.
  145. Why did the newspaper go to a robotics lab? It wanted to engineer the news.
  146. Why did the newspaper visit a science fair? It wanted to experiment with the news.
  147. Why did the newspaper go to a basketball game? It wanted to shoot the sports news.
  148. Why did the newspaper go to a sushi restaurant? It wanted to roll the food news.
  149. Why did the newspaper visit a hair salon? It wanted to style the news.
  150. Why did the newspaper go to a poetry recital? It wanted to rhyme the news.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *