150 linux jokes

  1. Why don’t Linux users get lost? Because they always have a root.
  2. Why was the computer cold at boot? It left Windows open.
  3. I tried to play hide-and-seek with Linux. But no matter where I hid, it found me in /home.
  4. Why did the Linux user bring a ladder? To reach the high level languages.
  5. What’s a Linux admin’s favorite song? “Everyday I’m buffering…”
  6. I would tell you a joke about UDP, but you might not get it.
  7. Why did the computer break up with Linux? It had too many kernels.
  8. Why did the Linux user install their OS on a spaceship? They wanted to experience open-source at a higher level.
  9. Why don’t Linux secrets ever stay hidden? Because the cat always gets out of the bag.
  10. Linux and chill? Nah, I prefer to sudo and chill.
  11. What do you call a nervous Linux file system? Panic-driven.
  12. Where do programmers leave their cars? In the parking array.
  13. I wanted to tell a Linux joke, but it’s not compatible with your sense of humor.
  14. Why did the Linux user go broke? He spent all his cache.
  15. A good joke is like a good Linux command: It leaves you bash-ful.
  16. Why did the Linux user meditate? To find inner peace, or as they call it, “inner peace -a”.
  17. A Linux user’s favorite dessert? Pi-nux.
  18. Why did the computer take its hat off? Because it had CAPS LOCK on.
  19. How do Linux users see through the window? They don’t, they prefer their own frames.
  20. What do you call a big group of penguins? A Linux convention.
  21. What’s a Linux user’s favorite song? “I have the sudo power.”
  22. Linux’s pick-up line: Can I have the root to your heart?
  23. How did the computer get out of the house? It ran through the Windows, but it prefers exiting through the Bash door.
  24. Why do programmers hate nature? It has too many bugs.
  25. Why don’t Linux users tell time? They always have Epoch time.
  26. If you have a Bash shell, why do you need a bulletproof vest? Because every line can be a command that kills.
  27. Why did the Linux kernel go to therapy? It had panic attacks.
  28. What do you call a beatboxing Linux user? A tar rapper.
  29. What’s the worst thing about throwing a Linux party? Everyone comes in through the back door.
  30. A Linux user’s favorite beverage? Java.
  31. Why was the Linux admin’s band called “The Sudo Beatles”? Because they thought they could elevate to the level of the Beatles.
  32. Why did the computer keep freezing? It left too many Windows open.
  33. Why can’t you hide a secret from a Linux user? They always find the ‘hidden’ files.
  34. Why was the Linux user bad at poker? He always had to show his hand.
  35. Why do Linux admins make terrible comedians? Their humor is too Unix-pected.
  36. Why did the computer go to the doctor? It had a bad kernel.
  37. If a tree falls in a forest and no one is there to hear it, how do we know it makes a sound? Because the logs show it.
  38. Why did the developer go broke? Because he used up all his cache.
  39. What’s a Linux user’s favorite candy? Jelly Bean (Android version).
  40. Why did the developer stay at home? He didn’t want to exit his shell.
  41. Why was the Linux command funny? Because it had a weird syntax.
  42. How does a Linux user count sheep? “sheep | wc -l”
  43. Why do Linux admins make bad life guards? They always chmod 777, letting everyone in.
  44. Why don’t Linux users play hide and seek? They always find you in /home.
  45. Why did the Linux user go to the mall? He heard there were a lot of daemons there.
  46. What’s a Linux user’s favorite clothing brand? No Starch Press.
  47. What’s a Linux user’s favorite movie? “The Matrix Reloaded… the Linux version”.
  48. Why did the computer take its hat off? Because it was CAPS LOCK.
  49. What does a Linux user say when they’re feeling down? “I feel like I’m running on low-level system resources.”
  50. Why don’t Linux users play in the rain? They have problems with Windows.
  51. Why did the Linux user go to the therapist? He was feeling less than root.
  52. What’s a Linux user’s favorite car? A Volkswagen Bug-free.
  53. How do Linux users leave their houses? Through the backdoor.
  54. Why did the computer get glasses? To improve its Python vision.
  55. Why did the Linux user bring a ladder? He heard about the Cloud.
  56. Why did the developer go broke? He had a memory leak and forgot where he put his money.
  57. What’s a Linux user’s favorite actor? Shell-eonardo DiCaprio.
  58. What’s a Linux user’s favorite music? Heavy metal because it’s harder than a rock (a reference to the Linux Rocks cluster).
  59. Why do Linux users prefer the command line? It’s Terminal-ly cool.
  60. What do Linux users say when they’re in trouble? “I have a bad sector.”
  61. Why don’t Linux users get sick? They have the best anti-virus.
  62. Why don’t Linux users have a life? Because they’re too busy with their /home life.
  63. Why don’t Linux users need a flashlight? They have the brightest IDEs.
  64. What do you call a Linux user in the forest? A root in the wild.
  65. Why do Linux users make great detectives? They’re always hunting for daemons.
  66. Why did the Linux user go to the zoo? To visit the GNU.
  67. How do you know if a Linux user is happy? Check their status.
  68. Why did the Linux user bring a ladder? To get a higher bandwidth.
  69. What’s a Linux user’s favorite holiday? March 14th, or 3.14, Pi day.
  70. What’s a Linux user’s favorite constellation? Orion – it’s out of this world.
  71. Why do Linux users prefer vi over emacs? Because it’s lighter on the system.
  72. How does a Linux user get into their house? They use a public key.
  73. Why don’t Linux users mind when it’s raining cats and dogs? Because they’re good with handling all types of kernels.
  74. Why do Linux users prefer the command line? It’s less GUI-ling.
  75. What’s a Linux user’s favorite bird? A Pengu-icon.
  76. What do you call a frightened Linux file system? Ext-scared.
  77. What’s a Linux user’s favorite flower? A Bloomin’ Onion (in reference to the Onion Router).
  78. Why do Linux users like coffee? Because Java runs on it.
  79. What’s79. What’s a Linux user’s favorite dance? The FLOSS.
  80. What do you call a computer that sings? A-Dell (Adele).
  81. What’s a Linux user’s favorite reptile? A python.
  82. What’s a Linux user’s favorite constellation? Libra, because balance is the key to a stable system.
  83. What does a Linux user say before a race? Ready, set, boot!
  84. Why do Linux users never get lost? Because they always follow the path (/).
  85. Why do Linux users make good baristas? They’re excellent at Java.
  86. Why do Linux users like hiking? They enjoy mount points.
  87. What does a Linux user say when they are surprised? “Oh, Shell!”
  88. Why do Linux users hate onions? Because they make them cry and create too many layers.
  89. What is a Linux user’s favorite weather? Cloud-y, with a chance of OpenStack.
  90. Why don’t Linux users worry about the sun? They have plenty of SHADE (SHell + ADE).
  91. What’s a Linux user’s favorite soda? OpenCola.
  92. What does a Linux user say at the gym? “Feel the burn, not the Windows.”
  93. What’s a Linux user’s favorite pet? Cat, because it displays everything.
  94. Why don’t Linux users need a diary? Because they have logs.
  95. What do you call a Linux user at the beach? Sand-bash.
  96. Why don’t Linux users go camping? Because they hate bugs.
  97. Why did the Linux user keep checking his watch? He was worried about the cron jobs.
  98. What do you call a Linux user in the orchestra? A DISCO operator.
  99. Why did the Linux user go to the casino? To play the shell game.
  100. What’s a Linux user’s favorite horror movie? The Silence of the LANs.
  101. Why don’t Linux users make good gardeners? Because they have problems with Windows.
  102. Why do Linux users prefer cats over dogs? Because cats always land /root.
  103. What’s a Linux user’s favorite restaurant? The Fork Bomb Diner.
  104. Why do Linux users like to cook? Because they are good with handling different kernels.
  105. Why don’t Linux users need lightbulbs? They have enough ‘brightness’ in their terminals.
  106. What’s a Linux user’s favorite furniture? A command chair.
  107. Why did the Linux user go to the amusement park? To ride the roller-coster.
  108. What’s a Linux user’s favorite board game? The Game of Threads.
  109. What does a Linux user say when they mess up? “Oops! Wrong shell.”
  110. Why don’t Linux users play poker? Too many suits and not enough high cards.
  111. Why do Linux users love the sea? Because they enjoy surfing the Net.
  112. What does a Linux user do on a rainy day? Stay indoors and play with their Raspberry Pi.
  113. Why did the Linux user cross the road? To escape the Windows.
  114. What does a Linux user drink on a hot day? Ice-tea (IcedTea – an open-source implementation of Java).
  115. What do Linux users eat for breakfast? A byte of their favorite Pi.
  116. What does a Linux user use to cut a pizza? A pizza cutter (Pizza Cutter is a tool in the Linux environment).
  117. What’s a Linux user’s favorite day of the week? Mon(Day).
  118. Why do Linux users never get sunburnt? They always use a good Firewall.
  119. What’s a Linux user’s favorite dessert? A Raspberry Pi.
  120. What’s a Linux user’s favorite superhero? BAT-man (Batch file reference).
  121. What does a Linux user bring to a picnic? Cookies and Raspberry Pi.
  122. What’s a Linux user’s favorite animal at the zoo? GNU/zebra.
  123. Why don’t Linux users use paper maps? They prefer to navigate in the terminal.
  124. Why are Linux users good at playing hide and seek? Because they always find their /home.
  125. What’s a Linux user’s favorite TV show? The Big Bash Theory.
  126. Why don’t Linux users play chess? Because they’re afraid of forks.
  127. What’s a Linux user’s favorite sport? Racing, because they always want to finish first (boot).
  128. Why don’t Linux users need a doctor? Because they can diagnose themselves in the terminal.
  129. What’s a Linux user’s favorite color? Blue, like the Screen of Death they don’t get.
  130. What’s a Linux user’s favorite hobby? Fishing, they love phishing too.
  131. What’s a Linux user’s favorite planet? Mars, because it’s red like their hat.
  132. What do Linux users take with them to the bathroom? A flush drive.
  133. What’s a Linux user’s favorite winter activity? Sled(ding) – SLED is a Linux distribution by SUSE.
  134. What’s a Linux user’s favorite fairytale? Little Red Hat.
  135. Why do Linux users like camping? They enjoy open source environments.
  136. Why don’t Linux users like mirrors? They always see a reflection of themselves, not a shadow.
  137. What’s a Linux user’s favorite ice cream? Vanilla, because they love basic flavors.
  138. What does a Linux user bring on a trip? A suitcase full of various distros.
  139. Why do Linux users love Halloween? They get to masquerade all they want.
  140. What does a Linux user call a sunburn? A bad kernel.
  141. What’s a Linux user’s favorite language? Python, because it’s ssssssimple.
  142. Why don’t Linux users like playing cards? They always seem to have a bad hand.
  143. What’s a Linux user’s favorite ghost story? The Phantom of the Opera-ting System.
  144. Why did the Linux user go to the concert? To see the Rolling Stones (rolling release reference).
  145. What’s a Linux user’s favorite shape? A circle, because it’s 360 degrees, just like a full circle update.
  146. What do Linux users wear to a wedding? A tux, of course.
  147. Why are Linux users terrible at cooking? They’re always trying to serve Pages.
  148. Why don’t Linux users fear darkness? Because they find Light in the Dark theme.
  149. Why did the Linux user bring a compass to the trip? To find the right path (/).
  150. What’s a Linux user’s favorite novel? War and Peace, with the emphasis on Peace (PC).

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