150 furniture jokes
- Why don’t chairs ever tell secrets? Because they always get stood up!
- What do you call a dishonest dresser? A chest of lies.
- Why was the coffee table so good at meditation? Because it mastered being in the present.
- What’s a bookcase’s favorite meal? Shelfish!
- Why was the couch always getting in trouble? Because it couldn’t keep its cushions to itself.
- What did the chair say to the sofa? “You’re sofa-r away!”
- Why do desks never lose at poker? Because they always have so many suits.
- What do you call a nightstand that doesn’t sleep? An insomni-accent.
- What’s an Ottoman’s favorite music genre? Foot-stool jazz.
- What does a romantic chair say? I am falling in love seat with you.
- What did the shelf say to the book? “You’re spine-tingling!”
- Why was the coffee table always confused? It couldn’t tell which leg to stand on.
- Why was the rug always sad? Because everyone walks all over it.
- What do you call a chair with a broken leg? Un-stable.
- How does a chair win a game of chess? It always starts with a strong opening move-ment.
- Why was the desk always tired? It couldn’t stop working.
- What does a table do when it’s ready to eat? It sets itself.
- Why did the bookcase go to therapy? It had too many shelves to deal with.
- What’s a sofa’s favorite movie? “Cushion Impossible.”
- How did the chair finally get the courage to propose? It just took a seat and did it.
- What does a lazy boy say? “I can’t stand up.”
- Why did the bed go to the police station? Because it got caught sheeting.
- Why don’t tables ever win at cards? Because they always fold.
- What’s a stool’s favorite activity? Bar hopping.
- What’s the hardest part about breaking up with a chest of drawers? Remembering which drawer your heart is in.
- Why was the lamp always getting into trouble? Because it kept going off.
- Why did the mattress get promoted? It had great springs in its step.
- Why don’t mirrors talk back? They reflect too much.
- What do you call an end table with no manners? Table rude.
- Why do cupboards always win hide and seek? They’re outstanding in their field.
- How does a bookshelf get its exercise? By lifting spirits.
- Why was the bench always getting left out? It couldn’t stand being put aside.
- What did the pillow say to the blanket? “I’ve got your back.”
- Why don’t dressers ever get lost? Because they always know where to drawer the line.
- What do you call a scared sofa? A hide-a-bed.
- What’s an armchair’s favorite song? “Lean on Me.”
- What do you call a depressed desk? A down-table.
- Why did the stool go to the party? To have a seat.
- Why did the futon break up with the couch? It couldn’t handle the cushiony lifestyle.
- What’s a chair’s favorite sport? Seatball.
- What do you call a chair that loves to dance? A twist-er.
- Why was the recliner always so calm? It knew how to lean back and relax.
- What do you call a musical chair? A rocking chair.
- What do you call a chair in a church? A pew.
- Why did the carpet go to therapy? It was feeling walked all over.
- What did the desk say to the chair? “You’ve got great posture.”
- What’s a table’s favorite magic trick? Table-telepathy.
- Why are dressers good at keeping secrets? Because they keep things under wraps.
- How does a wardrobe deal with its problems? It hangs them up.
- What do you call a chair that’s been left in the sun? A hot seat.
- What did the chaise lounge say to the ottoman? “You’re foot-tastic!”
- What does a table use to fix its mistakes? White-out.
- What’s a bookshelf’s worst fear? A spineless book.
- What did the mattress say to the bed frame? “I’ve got your back.”
- Why was the stool so proud? It was always the last one standing.
- What did the tablecloth say to the table? “I’ve got you covered.”
- What’s a rug’s favorite dance move? The floor-spin.
- Why did the lamp get in trouble in school? Because it couldn’t control its lightbulb moments.
- What do you call a group of chairs? A sit-uation.
- Why are couches good listeners? They’re all ears (and cushions).
- What did the loveseat say to the armchair? “You’re arm-azing!”
- Why was the side table so popular? Because it was a stand-up guy.
- How does a dresser keep fit? By drawer-cising.
- Why was the wardrobe always late? It was always changing.
- Why did the dining table go to the doctor? It had bad table manners.
- What do you call a table that can play the piano? A grand stand.
- Why was the shelf so good at school? It always knew where to stack up the knowledge.
- What do you call a bed that tells jokes? A bunk comedian.
- Why did the chair go to jail? It got caught reclining on the job.
- Why did the stool join the circus? It wanted to be a stand-in.
- Why don’t chairs make good detectives? They always crack under pressure.
- Why did the coffee table write a book? It had a tale to tell.
- How does a dresser get over a breakup? It keeps its drawers shut.
- Why was the mirror the best dancer? It always reflected the rhythm.
- What do you call a table that’s tired of its job? A resig-table.
- Why are chairs great authors? They always know where to situate the plot.
- What’s a sofa’s favorite subject? Couch-alculus.
- Why did the chair get kicked out of school? It couldn’t keep its legs to itself.
- Why was the bed always ready for a photo shoot? It was good at posing.
- What did the bed say to the alarm clock? “You’re alarming!”
- What did the bookshelf say to the library? “I’ve got this covered.”
- Why was the recliner always a mess? It couldn’t pull itself together.
- What do you call a scared cabinet? A chicken cupboard.
- Why do tables never win hide-and-seek? They’re always spotted.
- How does a chair propose? “Will you take a seat with me forever?”
- What do you call a chair with a PhD? Doctor Sitwell.
- What did the desk say to the chair? “You’re under arrest.”
- Why did the couch stop watching horror movies? It couldn’t handle the suspense.
- What do you call a bed that plays music? A sound sleeper.
- What does a recliner say when it’s angry? “Back off!”
- What’s a mirror’s favorite candy? Reflect-tarts.
- Why did the wardrobe start a blog? It wanted to share its closet thoughts.
- What did the bed say to the pillow? “I’m losing sleep over you.”
- Why was the carpet the best at karaoke? It always floored the audience.
- What do you call a chair that loves winter? A sleet-chair.
- Why are bookshelves so wise? They’re well-read.
- What do you call a nervous cabinet? Shaky.
- Why did the stool get a ticket? It couldn’t stand the right way.
- Why did the lamp go to school? To get a little brighter.
- What did the side table say to the coffee table? “I can’t stand your legs!”
- Why did the chair join the choir? It had great composure.
- Why was the bed always smiling? It knew how to spread cheer.
- What do you call a happy chair? A chair-ful.
- What did the chair say to the cushion? “You’re so soft-hearted.”
- Why was the desk feeling blue? It couldn’t find its drawers.
- What did the stool say to the bar? “Raise the bar.”
- Why did the dining table join the orchestra? It had perfect pitch.
- What did the armchair say to the ottoman? “You’re toe-tally awesome!”
- Why did the lamp go to the gym? It wanted to lighten up.
- What’s a bed’s favorite type of music? Bed-rock.
- Why was the nightstand a great writer? It knew how to draw up a good story.
- What do you call a chair with a split personality? A bipolar-bear.
- Why did the chair break up with the sofa? It was tired of being sat upon.
- What did the chaise lounge say to the recliner? “You’re reclin-tastic!”
- Why was the mirror a great comedian? It always cracked itself up.
- Why did the dining table go to rehab? It had a problem with binge-eating.
- What’s a desk’s favorite dessert? Desk-erts.
- What did the chair say to the desk? “You’re desktop-able!”
- Why was the chair always the last one to leave a party? It couldn’t stand the thought of leaving.
- What did the bookshelf say to the book? “You’re book-tacular!”
- Why was the sofa always broke? It always gave away its last cushion.
- What’s a lamp’s favorite sport? Lightbulb-juggling.
- What’s a chair’s favorite activity at the gym? Sit-ups.
- Why was the side table always feeling cornered? It was always on the edge.
- Why did the chair get an award? It was outstanding in its field.
- Why did the bed join a band? It wanted to hit the sheets.
- Why did the tablecloth go to the psychiatrist? It felt too spread thin.
- Why did the dresser go to the gym? It wanted to buff up its drawers.
- What did the bookshelf say to the encyclopedia? “You’re so knowledgeable.”
- Why did the stool get a time-out? It wouldn’t sit still.
- What did the desk say to the laptop? “You’re hard to top!”
- Why did the dining table go to the dentist? It had a bad bite.
- What’s a rug’s favorite game? Floor-is lava.
- What did the chair say to the table? “You’re table-ble!”
- Why was the chair a great salesman? It always knew how to seat the deal.
- What’s a mirror’s favorite joke? “Why was the mirror so funny? Because it cracked itself up.”
- Why did the cabinet go to school? It wanted to be a smart shelf.
- What did the wardrobe say to the hanger? “You’re hanger-iffic!”
- Why did the sofa join a band? It wanted to pull some strings.
- What did the stool say to the chair? “You’re sitting pretty!”
- Why did the mirror go to the doctor? It was feeling a little reflective.
- What’s a bed’s favorite pastime? Spread-sheeting.
- What do you call a table that’s a great actor? Table of contents.
- What did the bookshelf say to the library card? “You’re check-out-able!”
- Why was the carpet a great musician? It always knew how to roll with the beats.
- What did the chair say to the desk? “You’re desk-tined for greatness!”
- What did the dining table say to the plate? “You’re dish-tacular!”
- Why did the stool get a promotion? It knew how to step up.
- What’s a bookshelf’s favorite band? The Rolling Stones, because they love rock and roll.
- Why did the chair win the talent show? It always knew how to take a stand.