150 alcohol jokes

Why don’t whiskey drinkers ever get sunburned? Because they always have plenty of shade!
How does a tequila like to party? It always shots first.
What did the bartender say to the vodka? You’re too neat.
Why did the bottle of wine go to the doctor? It had a cork problem.
Why do we tell beer at parties? Because it’s brew-tiful.
What’s a bartender’s favorite type of math? Pint-erest.
Why did the rum break up with Coke? Because it was tired of being mixed up in things.
What do you call a gin that’s out of fashion? Old-fashioned.
Why did the Scotch go to the party? It heard there were going to be some on the rocks.
Why was the champagne arrested at the party? For causing a bubbly ruckus.
How do you know a man is thinking about his future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
Why did the beer go to school? Because it wanted to be a ‘Brew’-master.
Why was the tequila a great motivator? Because it always said, “Take a shot!”
Why don’t wine glasses ever get lost? Because they always follow the wine.
Why do we tell secrets to vodka? Because it’s good at shots but terrible at spilling secrets.
What does a ghost drink? Boos!
Why did the ale break up with the lager? It said, “I can’t handle your draft anymore.”
What do you call a dinosaur who drinks too much? Tyrannosaurus Wrecks.
Why was the whiskey always feeling down? It always had a bit of a hangover.
Why don’t you play hide and seek with alcohol? Because good alcohol is always found in a ‘bar’.
What’s a cocktail’s favorite game? Mix and match.
Why did the vodka go to the art show? It heard it was going to be on display.
Why did the wine get left out of the team? It couldn’t handle the pressure.
Why was the beer never sad? Because it was always brewed up.
What did the tequila say to the lime? “Let’s squeeze the day.”
What do you call a person who brings alcohol to a party? The spirit guide.
Why did the martini go to the therapist? It had an olive its problems.
Why did the gin file a police report? It was mugged.
What’s a vodka’s favorite weather? Ice cold.
What do you call a bottle of beer that finally graduated? A brew-dent.
What did the whiskey say to its problems? “I’ll drink to that.”
Why was the tequila always happy? Because life gave it limes.
Why did the bartender get a ladder? To reach the highballs.
Why did the wine blush? It saw the salad dressing.
Why did the vodka break up with water? Because it was tired of being diluted.
Why was the rum so popular? It was the life of the party.
Why was the whiskey on a diet? It wanted to lose some proof.
Why did the beer go to therapy? It had too many bottles up issues.
What’s a martini’s favorite sport? Olive ball.
What’s a whiskey’s favorite subject? History – it loves everything aged.
Why did the bottle of beer get a timeout? It was being too drafty.
Why was the wine bottle so knowledgeable? It was full of good body.
Why did the wine go to jail? It got caught crushing grapes.
What do you call a sad bottle of champagne? A real bummer Brut.
Why did the vodka go to the party? Because it was distilled to be there.
Why did the wine start a blog? Because it had so many stories to pour out.
Why was the beer at the gym? It was working on its six-pack.
Why did the tequila never get lost? Because it always took a shot in the right direction.
Why did the rum always finish first in the race? It never wanted to be last call.
Why was the beer always early? It didn’t want to be tapped out.
Why don’t wine glasses ever get into trouble? They know how to hold their drink.
Why was the beer bottle always stressed? It felt too much pressure on the inside.
What’s a champagne’s favorite exercise? Bubbly jumps.
What did the bartender say to the jump rope? “Stop skipping the drinks.”
What do you call a bear who likes beer? A bear-rista.
Why do we pour whiskey into a glass? Because it doesn’t like to bottle things up.
Why did the whiskey go to the party? To lift the spirits.
Why did the vodka join the circus? Because it was good at doing shots.
What’s a bottle of wine’s favorite song? “Pour Some Sugar on Me.”
Why did the beer go to a music concert? It heard it was a smashing hit.
Why don’t you ever ask a wine glass to play tennis? It can’t serve.
Why was the rum always the last one at the bar? It never wanted to be sober.
What’s a wine’s favorite exercise? The grapevine twist.
Why did the tequila go to the beach? It loved the salt air.
Why did the gin visit the botanical garden? It was in search of a tonic.
Why don’t you ask a beer to play soccer? Because it always gets kicked around.
Why was the cocktail a good detective? It always got to the bottom of things.
Why did the whiskey join the choir? It wanted to be in high spirits.
Why did the beer get promoted? It had great draft ideas.
Why did the tequila go to the museum? It wanted to be in high spirits.
Why did the martini go to the boxing match? It heard there was going to be a punch.
Why was the whiskey always at the library? It loved the good old days.
Why did the cocktail take the bus? It was shaken, not stirred.
Why did the beer bottle go to the art class? It wanted to learn how to draw a draft.
Why did the cocktail take a nap? It needed a little mixer.
What do you call a philosopher who loves to drink? A deep thinker.
What’s a wine bottle’s favorite dance? The Twist.
Why don’t you ever play hide and seek with a bottle of beer? Because it always gets tapped.
Why did the vodka go to the theater? It heard there was going to be a big shot.
Why was the cocktail so smart? It always stirred up the right answers.
Why did the beer go to a seminar? It wanted to learn how to bottle up emotions.
Why did the wine go to school? It wanted to be top of the glass.
Why did the gingo to the beach? Because it heard it was a tonic for the soul.
What’s an alcohol’s favorite book? “Tequila Mockingbird.”
Why did the beer go to the football game? It heard the can opener.
Why did the vodka join the racing team? It heard there were shots at the finish line.
Why don’t drinks get invited to debates? Because they always get hammered.
Why did the cocktail join the band? Because it had great composition.
What’s a wine’s favorite dance? The Sip and Twirl.
Why did the rum go to the bakery? It had a sweet tooth.
What do you call a beer that’s good at gardening? A brewtanical expert.
Why did the whiskey join the orchestra? Because it had the right notes.
Why did the wine go to the music festival? It wanted to blend with the band.
Why did the martini go to the grocery store? It ran out of olive its ingredients.
Why did the beer get a map? It was looking for the best bars in town.
What’s a vodka’s favorite day of the week? Fri-yay!
Why did the cocktail become a writer? It loved stirring up stories.
Why was the tequila always the star at parties? Because it never missed a shot.
Why did the gin go to the gym? It heard it was a good tonic for health.
Why did the beer join the circus? It wanted to be a part of the beer-tent.
What’s a bottle of wine’s favorite city? Bordeaux.
Why did the vodka start a band? It loved to be on the rocks.
Why did the wine go to the spa? It needed to relax and unwind.
Why did the beer join the marathon? It wanted to feel brewed up.
Why did the cocktail become a chef? It loved mixing it up.
Why did the rum go to the comedy show? It loved a good laugh.
Why did the martini go to the casino? It wanted to take a gamble.
Why was the wine bottle so smart? It always had something to decant.
Why did the beer join a book club? It wanted to have intellectual hops.
Why did the tequila become a painter? It loved to make a splash.
Why did the cocktail become a life coach? It was good at mixing things up.
What’s a bottle of champagne’s favorite movie? “The Bubbly Hillbillies.”
Why did the whiskey start a business? It had a great spirit for entrepreneurship.
Why did the wine become a poet? It loved to rhyme and wine.
Why did the vodka become a movie star? It loved being in the spotlight.
Why did the beer start a travel blog? It loved to hop around.
What’s a beer’s favorite exercise? Bar-bell lifts.
Why did the cocktail become a stand-up comedian? It loved to mix humor.
Why did the gin become a doctor? It had a great bedside manner.
Why did the martini become a lawyer? It had a solid case.
Why did the wine start a charity? It had a giving spirit.
Why did the whiskey become a farmer? It loved the grain.
Why did the vodka become a teacher? It had a clear perspective.
Why did the cocktail become a firefighter? It loved to stir things up.
What’s a beer’s favorite holiday? Draft Day.
Why did the wine become a mathematician? It had a balanced equation.
Why did the rum become a pirate? It had a good sense of rum-bunctious adventure.
Why did the vodka become a photographer? It had a clear shot.
Why did the gin become a detective? It loved to solve cases.
Why did the martini become a race car driver? It loved to stir things up.
Why did the wine become a sailor? It loved the sea breeze.
Why did the whiskey become a politician? It had a strong spirit.
Why did the beer become a journalist? It loved to get the scoop.
Why did the tequila become a chef? It loved to spice things up.
Why did the cocktail become a scientist? It loved to experiment.
What’s a beer’s favorite song? “Can’t Stop The Feeling.”
Why did the wine become a tailor? It had a taste for fashion.
Why did the whiskey become a baker? It loved the grain.
Why did the vodka become a swimmer? It loved to dive in.
Why did the cocktail become a gardener? It loved to grow.
Why did the gin become a florist? It loved the botanicals.
Why did the martini become a mechanic? It loved to shake things up.
Why did the beer become an archaeologist? It loved to dig deep.
Why did the wine become a dancer? It had the right moves.
Why did the vodka become a rock star? It loved the spirit.
Why did the cocktail become a yoga instructor? It loved to stretch.
Why did the gin become a marathon runner? It had a strong spirit.
Why did the martini become a painter? It loved to mix colors.
Why did the beer become a climber? It loved the peak.
Why did the wine become a singer? It had a crisp voice.

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