87 scissor jokes
- Why did the scissors get a timeout? Because they just couldn’t cut it out.
- What’s a scissor’s favorite song? “I just want to ‘cut’ to the chase!”
- Why did the scissors go to therapy? Because it felt snipped.
- Why did the scissors win the race? Because it always takes shortcuts.
- What’s a scissor’s favorite food? Slice of pizza.
- Why don’t scissors make good secret keepers? Because they always spill the ‘cuts’.
- What do you call an honest pair of scissors? Straight cut!
- What did one scissor say to the other? You’re a cut above the rest.
- What did the paper say to the bully scissors? Cut it out!
- Why did the scissors go to school? To learn more cutting-edge technology.
- What does a scissors do at a comedy show? It cuts up!
- Why did the scissors break up with the tape? Because it felt stuck.
- Why don’t scissors ever get lost? They always know where to cut corners.
- Why was the scissors a great detective? It always got straight to the point.
- Why did the scissors go to the barber? It wanted to look sharp.
- Why was the scissors a good football player? Because it was great at making cuts.
- Why was the scissors good at debates? It was always quick on the draw.
- What does a scissors wear to a fancy event? A cutting-edge suit.
- Why do scissors never win at poker? They always show their hand.
- What do you call a scissor that can play the piano? Cut Chopin.
- Why don’t scissors work well in the kitchen? They always split the peas.
- Why was the scissors a great dancer? It knew all the cutting-edge moves.
- Why did the scissors join the orchestra? Because it wanted to play the cutting cello.
- Why don’t scissors make good friends? They’re always cutting you off.
- Why was the scissors a good cook? It had great chopping skills.
- Why don’t scissors get invited to parties? They can be a bit snippy.
- What do you call a scissor that became a lawyer? Just-cut.
- Why was the scissors terrible at baseball? It could only cut to first base.
- What did the scissors say to the paper? You’re tear-ific!
- What did the scissors say to the rock? You’re too hard-headed.
- Why did the scissors go to the gym? To get ripped.
- Why are scissors always early? They hate being a cut late.
- What is a scissor’s favorite film? Edward Scissorhands.
- Why did the scissors get a ticket? For cutting in line.
- What do you call a scissor that is a good painter? Cut-asso.
- What is a scissor’s favorite dessert? Slice cream.
- Why did the scissors join the gardening club? It was good at pruning.
- Why did the scissors break up with the paper? It felt torn apart.
- Why don’t scissors make good leaders? They’re always cutting corners.
- Why don’t scissors like math? They can’t handle division.
- What do you call a scissor who can tell the future? Cut-sayer.
- Why don’t scissors get along with rulers? They always fight over inches.
- Why was the scissors always the teacher’s pet? It was a cut above the rest.
- Why are scissors such bad storytellers? They always cut to the end.
- What do you call a scissor in space? An Astro-cut.
- What’s a scissor’s favorite type of joke? A cutting remark.
- Why did the scissors become a boxer? It wanted to go for the knockout punchline.
- Why did the scissors get promoted? It made the cut.
- What did the scissors say to the thread? “Time to split!”
- Why was the scissors so good at the marathon? It was always a cut ahead.
- What do you call a pair of scissors that loves movies? Cut-inephile.
- Why was the scissors always sad at weddings? It couldn’t handle being the tear-maker.
- What do scissors do at a rock concert? They let it rip.
- Why are scissors never lost? They always take the shortcut.
- What do you call a scissor that can sing? A cut-tenor.
- Why are scissors the worst secret keepers? They’re always cutting to the truth.
- Why did the scissors become a hairdresser? It loved making the cut.
- Why did the scissors become a baker? It loved making shortbread.
- What do you call a scissor that won a race? Cut-thlete.
- Why did the scissors get fired from the bakery? It made too many slices.
- What’s a scissor’s favorite style of music? Cut-ntry.
- Why don’t scissors ever get lonely? They always come in pairs.
- What do scissors do on their day off? They take a short cut.
- What is a scissor’s favorite book? “Cutting for Stone.”
- Why did the scissors go to jail? It was caught cutting red tape.
- Why did the scissors become a surgeon? It had a sharp mind.
- What did the scissors say to the tailor? “You seam nice.”
- Why did the scissors get the lead role in the play? It had cutting-edge talent.
- Why was the scissors good at hide and seek? It always found the best hiding spots.
- What’s a scissor’s favorite game? Cut the rope.
- Why was the scissors a good journalist? It always made the final cut.
- Why did the scissors make a great actor? It was a cut above the drama.
- Why did the scissors love playing chess? It always went straight for the king.
- What do you call a pair of scissors that can rap? Cutmaster Flash.
- Why did the scissors hate winter? It could never make the cut.
- What do you call a pair of scissors that loves to dance? A cut-a-rug.
- What do you call a scissor in a library? A book cutter.
- Why did the scissors never run for office? It didn’t want to be involved in the cutthroat politics.
- Why did the scissors flunk out of art school? It couldn’t handle the cut and paste.
- Why don’t scissors like puzzles? They always cut to the solution.
- What’s a scissor’s favorite workout? Cut-lates.
- Why did the scissors go on a diet? It wanted to trim the fat.
- Why did the scissors get a part in the ballet? It was great at cutting a caper.
- Why did the scissors fail the driving test? It cut corners.
- What’s a scissor’s favorite sport? Cutball.
- What do you call a scissor that’s good at chess? Check-mate cutter.
- Why was the scissors bad at basketball? It couldn’t make a clean cut.