86 playing card jokes
- Why don’t cards ever get lost in the jungle? Because they always stay in the deck.
- Why don’t poker cards go to the zoo? They’re afraid of cheetahs.
- Why was the computer cold at the poker game? It left its Windows open.
- What’s a deck of cards’ favorite clothing? A card-igan.
- Why do cards never have secrets? Because they always fold.
- What do you call a card who can play the guitar? A strum-flush.
- Why don’t cards ever get stressed? They always deal with it.
- Why was the card arrested by the police? It was dealing on the street.
- What do you call a royal card that’s in a hurry? The rushing King.
- What do playing cards say to their pants? Hold up!
- What do playing cards wear on their heads? Caps and visors.
- What do playing cards drive? Converti-deals.
- Why did the card get a timeout? It was playing tricks.
- Why don’t cards like talking on the phone? They would rather deal in person.
- What do you call a card that’s not happy? A sorrow of hearts.
- How do cards flirt with each other? They give each other hearts.
- Why did the deck of cards go to the school? To become well-read and well-dealt.
- Why do cards dislike the jungle? Too many cheetahs.
- Why did the card go to the bakery? It wanted a roll of hearts.
- What do cards use to fix everything? Duct-tape-a-cards.
- What’s a card’s least favorite weather? Hail of diamonds.
- Why was the card at the bar? It was looking for a good deal.
- Why did the king go to the dentist? He had a royal ache.
- Why don’t cards ever get lonely? They always have a full house.
- What does a deck of cards do on its day off? It shuffles around the house.
- Why are cards like wolves? They move in packs.
- What do you call an introspective card? The thinker of clubs.
- Why was the card in the ice cream shop? It wanted a sundae of hearts.
- What do you call a card that loves the sea? A sailor of clubs.
- What do you call a card that won’t stop talking? A chatter of diamonds.
- Why do cards make horrible secret keepers? They always fold under pressure.
- Why did the Queen go to the psychiatrist? She couldn’t handle her suite.
- Why don’t cards play hide and seek? Because they always get found in the deck.
- How do cards stay in shape? They do a lot of suit-cases.
- What do cards eat at a BBQ? Stack of ribs.
- What do cards do when they are sick? They get de-carded.
- Why do cards hate wind? It always blows their cover.
- Why was the card at the bank? It wanted to cash out its chips.
- Why don’t cards ever get locked out? They always have a key card.
- Why did the card go to the hospital? It couldn’t deal with the pain.
- What do cards do on their birthday? They celebrate with a full house.
- Why did the card go to the beach? It wanted to play in the sand-wich.
- Why do cards never quit? They always play their hand.
- How do cards say goodbye? Deck you later!
- What do you call a card that’s always getting into trouble? A joker.
- Why don’t cards go camping? They hate dealing with tents.
- Why did the card visit the tailor? It needed a new suit.
- What do you call a card with a cough? The Ace of Spades – it can’t stop clubbing.
- What do you call a card that’s good at gardening? The King of Spades.
- How did the card propose to its lover? With a diamond ring.
- Why do cards hate early mornings? They’re nightclubs.
- Why don’t cards work in the kitchen? They fear the heat in the hearts.
- Why did the card go to the music concert? It wanted to be dealt with the rhythm.
- Why do cards never run a race? They’re afraid of being dealt too quickly.
- How does a card call for help? It uses a helpline of diamonds.
- What do cards do when they are tired? They rest in the deck chair.
- What’s a card’s favorite type of movie? Anything but the Joker.
- Why don’t cards like to fly? They prefer being dealt on the table.
- Why did the card go to the doctor? It had a heart condition.
- Why do cards always win at hide and seek? They know where to deal.
- What did the poker card say to the magician? Pick someone else for a change!
- Why was the deck of cards all over the road? It fell out of the car-d holder.
- What do you call a group of cards that make a mess? A dirty deck.
- Why are cards like star-gazers? They always watch for the stars of clubs.
- What’s a card’s favorite dance? The card shuffle.
- What does a polite card say? “Deal-ighted to meet you!”
- Why do cards love the circus? They get to see the acrobat of hearts.
- Why did the card go to the theater? It had a role in the hearts.
- Why do cards make poor marathon runners? They can’t handle the running clubs.
- What do cards read in their free time? The Ace-paper.
- Why are cards great detectives? They always play their ace.
- What do you call a card that’s moved to the countryside? The farmer of diamonds.
- How do cards start their letters? “Deal Sir/Madam”.
- Why do cards love Halloween? They get to dress up in full suits.
- Why did the card go to the concert? It was a fan of the hearts.
- Why do cards hate public speaking? They’re afraid of spilling their hearts.
- What do cards do in the gym? Cardio.
- Why do cards like the circus? They get to see the clubs juggle.
- Why are cards never punctual? They’re always dealing with time.
- Why was the card a great detective? It always knew how to follow the suits.
- What’s a card’s favorite type of music? Shuffle-board.
- Why did the card go to the art exhibition? It wanted to see the queen’s portraits.
- What’s a card’s favorite type of story? A shuffling tale.
- Why did the card go to the psychologist? It had too many unresolved suits.
- What’s a card’s favorite part of a joke? The punchline of hearts.
- Why did the card go to the dance class? It wanted to learn the shuffle.