146 drugs jokes
- Why don’t aspirins ever get lost? Because they know they’re way around the body’s pain!
- Why did the antidepressant get invited to the party? It always knows how to boost the mood!
- Why was the antibiotic a great musician? It always knew how to kill the staff (infections)!
- What did the nervous pill say to the other? “Let’s just chill.”
- Why did the cough syrup bottle blush? Because it saw the medicine cabinet open!
- Why did the antacid get promoted? It had neutralizing effects!
- What did the pill say to the stomach? “Ready for a roller coaster ride!”
- How is a hospital gown like insurance? You’re never covered as much as you think you are!
- Why was the drug called a thief? It stole all the pain away!
- Why do pills always have to work? They can’t afford to be caps-locked!
- How did the antibiotic break up with the bacteria? “It’s not you, it’s me – I can’t let you grow!”
- Why was the painkiller always calm? It never let anything get under its skin!
- Why was the ADHD medicine so focused? It never missed a detail!
- Why was the antidepressant so good at parties? It was always uplifting!
- Why did the pill go to school? To get a little bit smarter before it dissolved!
- Why was the antibiotic bodybuilder popular? Because he always wiped out the competition!
- What did the morphine say to the patient? “Just let me take your pain away!”
- Why don’t antihistamines ever play hide and seek? Because good luck hiding when they’re around!
- Why did the pharmacy lock up all the painkillers? They didn’t want to deal with an aspirin!
- What did one capsule say to another? “We’re the perfect dose of friendship!”
- Why did the tablet go to the gym? To stay in shape before expiration!
- What did the capsule say to the upset stomach? “Don’t worry, I’ve got this!”
- Why are painkillers great secret agents? They always kill the pain quietly!
- Why did the vaccine go to the bar? To give everyone a shot!
- Why did the cough syrup complain? Because it couldn’t stop the conversation from being ‘cough-y’!
- Why was the inhaler so good at counseling? Because it always knew when someone needed a breather!
- How does a pill do its hair? With a comb-capsule!
- Why did the flu shot become a comedian? Because it loves giving people ‘a little prick’!
- Why did the pill bottle go to the shrink? It had a hard time opening up!
- Why don’t pharmacists go to heaven? They give out too many ‘sublingual’ messages!
- Why did the aspirin join the orchestra? It wanted to be part of the brass band-aid!
- How do you make a hormone? Don’t pay her!
- What’s a drug’s favorite type of song? A pop song, because they always get popped!
- What did the steroid say to the weightlifter? “You’ve got muscle, but I’ve got growth!”
- Why did the antidepressant go to the bar? To lift some spirits!
- Why did the Adderall join a rock band? It wanted to keep everyone in tune!
- What do you call a pill who’s a comedian? A capsule of humor!
- What’s a painkiller’s favorite weather? Cloudy with a chance of raining relief!
- What’s an insomniac’s best friend? A sleep aid with a good bedtime story!
- What did the pill say to the pharmacist? “You complete me!”
- Why did the antibiotic go to the party? It heard there was a bacteria breakout!
- Why did the pill roll downhill? It wanted to go with the flow!
- Why are antidepressants always positive? They can’t afford to be downers!
- Why did the ibuprofen go on a date with aspirin? It thought she was ‘relief-ing’!
- What did the laxative say to the constipated patient? “Let me ease your load!”
- Why did the pharmacist go on a diet? He realized he had too many extra-strength pounds!
- Why don’t antacids ever lose an argument? They always have a ‘neutralizing’ effect!
- What did the sleeping pill say to the night owl? “Let’s put a rest to this!”
- Why did the antibiotic get a promotion? It always cleared out the bad guys!
- What did the aspirin say to the headache? “Don’t make this hard for both of us!”
- Why was the antacid invited to the political debate? It was great at neutralizing the heat!
- What did the painkiller say to the morphine? “You’re so strong, it’s numbing!”
- Why was the flu shot so popular? It gave everyone a shot at good health!
- Why did the antihistamine never lose at poker? It had a poker (anti)face!
- Why did the sleeping pill flunk school? It could never stay awake for class!
- Why did the pill attend the concert? To make sure everyone had a ‘swallowing’ good time!
- What did the ibuprofen say to the injury? “You’re just a bump in the road!”
- Why did the antidepressant go on vacation? To uplift its spirit!
- What did the capsule say to the water? “I can’t dissolve this relationship!”
- Why did the morphine get invited to the sleepover? It knew how to have a ‘dope’ time!
- Why did the cough syrup get a job as a stand-up comedian? Because it’s always a ‘cough-out-loud’ affair!
- Why did the aspirin join a choir? It always knew how to reduce high notes!
- What did the painkiller say to the weekend warrior? “Don’t push it, I’ve got you covered!”
- Why don’t antibiotics ever get lost? They always follow the ‘pathogen’!
- Why was the inhaler so popular? It always knew when to give you a ‘puff’ up!
- What do you call a drug that’s good at math? A count-er medicine!
- Why did the pill go to the theater? It wanted to be part of the ‘swallow’ play!
- What’s a vaccine’s favorite type of music? Hip-pop, because it always involves a little prick!
- Why did the insulin go to the candy store? To keep everything sweet and balanced!
- Why did the antihistamine join the detective squad? It never let any clues ‘sneeze’ by!
- What did the tranquilizer say to the insomniac? “Just chill!”
- Why was the blood pressure medication always so calm? It had the ability to ‘pressure’ down!
- Why did the sleeping pill lose the race? It just couldn’t stay awake!
- What did the vitamin say to the sick person? “Let me ‘C’ you back to health!”
- Why did the antacid join a debate club? It was great at neutralizing heated arguments!
- What did the aspirin say to the heart? “Beat it, but not too hard!”
- Why did the pill become a detective? It was great at ‘dis-solving’ mysteries!
- Why did the painkiller go to the spa? It needed to relieve some stress!
- What’s a vaccine’s favorite game? ‘Poke’-er!
- Why did the inhaler join the choir? It was always good for a puff of fresh air!
- What did the antibiotic say to the cold? “You’ve gone viral, and it ends now!”
- Why did the Adderall join the debate team? It could focus on any argument!
- What do you call a social pill? A ‘gab’-apentin!
- What’s a pharmacist’s favorite exercise? The ‘pill-ates’!
- Why did the aspirin go to the DJ’s party? It was the best at dropping the ‘bass’!
- What did the pill say to the coffee? “I got the wake-up call!”
- Why did the cough syrup get a time-out? It couldn’t stop causing a ‘cough’-uffle!
- What did the antibiotic say to the infection? “I’m not going to let you grow old!”
- Why was the Adderall so popular at the study group? It never lost focus!
- What’s a pill’s favorite dance move? The ‘swallow’ spin!
- Why did the painkiller become a chef? It was an expert at reducing ‘heat’!
- What did the statin say to the high cholesterol? “Time to ‘fat’-down!”
- Why did the antihistamine get a ticket? It couldn’t stop ‘sneezing’ past the red light!
- What did the vitamin D say to the sun? “You light up my world!”
- Why was the aspirin always broke? It couldn’t keep a ‘tablet’ on its spending!
- What’s a pill’s favorite day of the week? ‘Swallow’-day!
- Why was the flu shot always serious? It didn’t want to be taken ‘lightly’!
- What did the sedative say to the stressed person? “Take a chill pill!”
- Why did the antibiotic go to the gym? It was ‘resistant’ to becoming weak!
- What’s a pill’s favorite type of music? ‘Pop’-rock!
- Why did the antidepressant start meditating? It wanted to uplift its ‘spirit’!
- What did the laxative say to the dinner? “I’ll make this quick!”
- Why was the aspirin always at the end of the joke? It wanted to be the ‘punch’-line!
- What’s a drug’s favorite type of literature? A ‘suspense’-ful thriller, because they always leave you hanging!
- Why was the painkiller always invited to the pub? It could take away any ‘beer pressure’!
- What did the ibuprofen say to the sports injury? “You won’t ‘run’ this day!”
- Why did the vitamin go to the circus? It wanted to join the ‘juggle’ routine!
- Why did the vaccine become a teacher? It wanted to give everyone a ‘shot’ at learning!
- What did the sleeping pill say to the nightlight? “You light up my dreams!”
- Why did the antibiotic get an award? It was always ‘staph’-busting!
- What did the pill say to the alarm clock? “You can’t ‘beat’ me!”
- Why did the antidepressant become a motivational speaker? It was great at ‘uplifting’ others!
- Why was the pill always welcome at parties? It was a real ‘swallow’ good time!
- What did the aspirin say to the dentist? “I’m all about ‘root’ relief!”
- Why was the cough syrup always late? It couldn’t stop ‘coughing’ up excuses!
- What did the vitamin say to the salad? “You make me feel ‘green’ with health!”
- Why did the painkiller never get stressed? It knew how to keep its ‘cool’!
- Why did the antihistamine go on vacation? It was ‘sneeze-ing’ the day!
- What did the pill say to the water bottle? “We’re the perfect ‘swallow’!”
- Why was the antibiotic a good gardener? It could always ‘weed’ out the bad!
- What did the vaccine say to the virus? “Your ‘shot’ at this is over!”
- Why did the aspirin go on a date with paracetamol? It couldn’t ‘resist’ her relief!
- What did the blood thinner say to the clot? “Not on my watch!”
- Why did the sleeping pill love bedtime stories? They always made it ‘drowsy’!
- What’s a pill’s favorite time of day? ‘Swallow’-time!
- Why did the antidepressant start doing yoga? It wanted to achieve ‘inner peace’!
- What did the ibuprofen say to the flu? “I won’t let you ‘run’ wild!”
- Why did the antihistamine get a standing ovation? It ‘stopped’ the show!
- What did the pill say to the prescription? “You complete me!”
- Why was the antibiotic a good police officer? It always ‘busted’ the bad guys!
- What did the aspirin say to the hangover? “You’ve ‘overplayed’ your part!”
- Why did the painkiller become a masseuse? It was a pro at ‘relieving’ tension!
- What did the antacid say to the spicy food? “Cool it down!”
- Why was the sleeping pill always relaxed? It was good at ‘sleeping on it’!
- What did the antidepressant say to the stressed person? “Keep your spirits ‘up’!”
- Why did the vaccine win the boxing match? It always landed the ‘first shot’!
- What did the vitamin say to the fast food? “You can’t ‘outweigh’ my benefits!”
- Why did the aspirin always win at tennis? It could always ‘serve’ the pain!
- What did the tranquilizer say to the anxiety? “Time to ‘calm down’!”
- Why was the pill a good comedian? It always ‘cracked up’ the crowd!
- What did the blood pressure medication say to the hypertension? “Pressure’s off!”
- Why did the antidepressant go to the comedy club? It loved a good ‘pick-me-up’!
- What did the pill say to the thirsty person? “You need a ‘swallow’!”
- Why was the antibiotic a good wrestler? It always ‘took down’ its opponents!
- What did the aspirin say to the fever? “You’re too ‘hot’ to handle!”
- Why did the painkiller become a diplomat? It was good at ‘easing’